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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 21, 2005, at 16:27:15
I've had a cat named Sammy for about a year, and I just got a second cat named Byron two weeks ago. They are both adult males. Sammy is the outgoing one and Byron is shy. I want two cats and I wanted them to be friends, but Sammy is constantly attacking Byron! I can't tell if it's always aggression or if sometimes it's play, but he usually jumps on Byron and bites the back of his neck. Byron doesn't fight back, he freaks out and runs off.
I'm going to try some behavioral techniques to help Sammy accept Byron, but there's a chance that he will never accept another cat. He's never lived with other cats, while Byron has. If they don't get along, I'll have to find another home for one of them.
What makes matters worse is that while I love them both, I like Byron more than Sammy, even though I've had Sammy longer. If I had to find a new home for one of them, it would be Sammy. And I feel SO guilty about this. I feel that if I adopt a pet, I'm making a commitment to that pet. They're family. I feel that I'm failing at my commitment, being irresponsible, and being a bad cat mommy.
This situation is a really big deal to me. Every time I look at Sammy, I feel so sad and guilty. I'll miss him if I have to give him away, and I'll worry about his happiness. I have no way of controlling the way the next owner would treat him, I can just try to find the best owner I can.
It's all such torment. I'm going to try to get Sammy to tolerate Byron with the techniques I read about from the Humane Society, but I know from my research on this subject that Sammy may never get along with Byron. :(
Posted by slavegirl on February 21, 2005, at 17:04:29
In reply to Torment over my cats......Help, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 21, 2005, at 16:27:15
Sorry to hear about your 'babies' since this is how you feel about your cats (so nice to meet another cat lover). I had a cat Sammy once and she was a crazy cat (scared, dippy, hid under bushes and dug into the sand if she could to hide from people and had this terrible habit of never ever wanting to use a litter tray...peed all over and chewed the carpet..got to be terrible when I was pregnant and constantly cleaning cat poop and trying to keep my other toddler away from the mess). Anyway, not that this is your problem....but I also had another cat and they REFUSED to get along. Kim always attacked Sammy and Sammy was terrified of Kim..they wouldn't curl up together, lick one another, play together or even share a litter tray or food bowls. So I can see where you're coming from. Some cats are just not happy to share and some cats are just antisocial. Sad thing was that I'd had Sammy about 13 years and I eventually had no choice but to have her 'put down'. I couldn't cope with her antisocial habits...constant cleaning, destruction, smell, risk to my unborn baby with cleaning up all the mess and the general state of affairs. Spoke to the Vet who said that a cat that was antisocial was something not easy to cope with..and I basically just had no choice. You may think I'm cruel and it still breaks my heart and I'll never forgive myself for handing over that cat basket to have her put down and I loved her so...but as I say...I was at the end of my tether (she wouldn't even go outside to do her 'business')..she wouldn't go outside full stop. Nobody else could have taken her..what to do? I still can't forgive myself. I truly love cats and have moved country, where the outside cats (strays) are so important to me that I generally care for them, name them, feed them and try to have the females neutered where possible to cut down on the population explosion. We adopted a stray and he is the most important member of our family, so I believe you when you stress how you feel...your cats - both of them - are important to you. But antisocial behaviour is something that is very hard to deal with (as the Vet put it to me)...and sometimes you have to do what you have to do (and I feel crappy saying this). Geez...what to do? Whatever it is...don't feel like a bad person, cause you're not.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 21, 2005, at 17:54:10
In reply to Torment over my cats......Help, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 21, 2005, at 16:27:15
Two weeks is a short time for a cat to adjust if it's been the only one.
Sammy needs some extra attention now so he won't feel so displaced. And it's important fot Sammy to see you care for the little one, too.
When you feed them, feed Sammy first and hold the little one back for a bit. Sammy needs to know he's still top dog.
It's really all about establishing the pecking order.
Posted by ron1953 on February 21, 2005, at 19:38:13
In reply to Torment over my cats......Help, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 21, 2005, at 16:27:15
Cats are VERY territorial by nature. Some more laid-back cats don't get as freaked out as others; depends on the cat. Apparently, Sammy instinctively feels his territory has been invaded. It's common advice that when introducing a new cat, to isolate the new arrival for a week or so (shut in a separate room) in order for them (especially cat #1) to gradually get used to the existence and smell of the other. They'll usually check each other out under the door and maybe even playfully stick a paw underneath. Although you probably didn't do this at first, it might still work if you do it now. A cool-down period just might do the trick. Just a suggestion from a long-time cat lover. Good luck!
Ron
Posted by AuntieMel on February 23, 2005, at 10:52:12
In reply to Torment over my cats......Help, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 21, 2005, at 16:27:15
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 23, 2005, at 14:36:55
In reply to Re: cat update???? (nm) » PhoenixGirl, posted by AuntieMel on February 23, 2005, at 10:52:12
Well so far, Sammy will still attack Byron. But sometimes he ignores him or rolls over on his side like he wants to play with Byron, which I think are good signs. I called the Humane Society, and they gave me some tips on modifying Sammy's behavior. They said to try to keep them separated as much as possible, but to sometimes put Sammy in his cat carrier while he and Byron eat some yummy canned cat food. This will help Sammy relate positive experiences with Byron. I'm about to call an animal behaviorist to see what she has to say, too.
xoxo,
PG
Posted by AuntieMel on February 23, 2005, at 15:19:24
In reply to Cat update, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 23, 2005, at 14:36:55
Those are *huge* signs that progress is being made. Some attacking is norman - I have cats that grew up together that do it, and then they'll turn around and sleep together.
I think the worse is over now. But keep us updated, please.
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