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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tampagirl70 on May 25, 2005, at 13:45:02
I've posted about this before, but its been a while and its on my freakin mind again, so here goes.
My OCD lets me obsess about my marriage and my husband. Do I really love him? How do I know I love him? What if I don't? Why have I been with him for all these year? Did I ever love him? Can I love him again if I don't right now?.....get the picture?
I'm starting cognitive behavioral therapy next week and I'm very excited about it, but I had a thought yesterday that threw me off. What if during CBT I realize that its not OCD, and I truly don't love him. It seems logical to me that after being with him for 12 years, if I didn't love him, I wouldn't want to be with him, do anything with him, see him or touch him. If I didn't love him, we wouldn't have been able to endure all the things we've been through, I'd be more willing to say "ya know, its not worth it" and be done with him, and I certainly wouldn't find him attractive or funny or see anything positive about him.
So how do you know if you love someone?
Posted by Angela2 on May 25, 2005, at 13:56:40
In reply to My obsession, posted by tampagirl70 on May 25, 2005, at 13:45:02
Hi Tampagirl, I think that you said it already in your letter how to know if you love someone. You think he's funny, attractive, you've endured a lot together. I think love is a choice sometimes. If you want to be with someone, you will be with them. You know? Is there a reason why you are having these thoughts? Has your husband sone something hurtful to you? Do you have feelings for someone else?
Good luck with CBT. I hope it helps!
-Angela2
Posted by tampagirl70 on May 25, 2005, at 14:10:51
In reply to Re: My obsession, posted by Angela2 on May 25, 2005, at 13:56:40
No, he hasn't done anything and I don't have feelings for anyone else. Its just a fear I have and it turned into an obsession after we met and got engaged 12 years ago. When I'm not obsessing, it never even enters my mind, but sometimes I'll see or hear something that triggers the thought and the obsessing starts. Along with anxiety and depression. Its not pretty.
By the way, my name's Angela also.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on May 25, 2005, at 15:18:29
In reply to My obsession, posted by tampagirl70 on May 25, 2005, at 13:45:02
I think the CBT way to deal with the situation is to stop AWFULIZING the concept of not loving your husband. I have found CBT always prepares you for the worst and it never is the worst of course.
But what if you said to yourself something along the lines of "It would be unfortunate if I found out I didn't love my husband, but it would not be the end of the world and we would both be able to move on."
You will find one of the main teachings of CBT is stop the awfulizing. Even awfulizing language like "I hate hotdogs" or "I can't stand Birkenstocks!" is off limits. INstead, you would say "I dislike hotdogs" and "Birkenstocks may be ugly, but they won't kill me."
So, maybe you could start setting yourself up for the worst? And I'm about 99.99% sure that you will indeed find that you truly love your husband by the way!
CBT also takes the shoulds and musts off of us. So perhaps you are approaching the situation with "I absolutely MUST love my husband" You could always counter it with "I would prefer to love my husband"
Maybe my guy does extreme CBT, but these are some of the skills which have helped me the most.
This is the end of the thread.
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