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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Spriggy on May 29, 2005, at 11:21:58
I don't have a clue where this post should be, so I'll just stick it here.
I think I just witnessed one of the saddest experiences of life.
I heard this week that a mother in our community had committed suicide. She has two sons' that are almost identical in age to my two sons'.
I don't know why but hearing this story really hit me hard in my heart. I know her oldest son (he is 11) goes to school with my oldest son. Since my son is in special ed, he has no contact with this boy, but I still felt the need to be there for those kids'.
They were/are a "poor" family. I don't say that in an ugly way, but they come from a lower class family. It was always apparent from just looking at the boy at school that he didn't have much (old clothes, shoes, holes in pants, etc..).
The funeral represented where they were financially. It was in a small building, it was 93 degrees outside and there was no air conditioning inside the room. I literally felt like I would faint several times it was so hot.
Anyway, they didn't have a pastor/priest or anyone leading the service. It was her father who stood up and thanked people and said, " Let's just share stories."
People across that little room stood up and told stories of this woman that I had never knew. I found myself crying almost harder than her family at times. My heart was just broken.
I don't know "why" this woman/mother/daughter/wife took her own life but from everything the people said about her, she was a fun loving spirit.
People shared practical jokes she had pulled on them- I was inspired! ;)
I don't know, it was just a strange situation. I think God wanted me there.
There was a time in my life when things SO hopeless that ending my life was in the forefront of my thoughts. Each time I would "go there" I just thought of my boys' and that really was the only reason I never followed through.
But it wouldn't have been hard to do some days. I thank God He helped me press on becuase now that "darkness" has left me and I can honestly say I am happy again.
My heart breaks for that dear woman. I wonder what was in her mind when she decided there was no longer any hope left. I am sure it was mental torment like I myself have known.
I prayed so hard for her two boys'. They are so young, 11 and 7, and likely don't even grasp what has happend to their world just yet.
I don't know why I felt compelled share this.. Maybe because I know many of you know full well (like I do) what it means to long for death; just longing for peace for your mind, and an end to your pain.
But I wanted to encourage you all to press on, press through, hang on to hope that one day it really CAN get better.
Don't give up!
Posted by Phil on May 29, 2005, at 12:17:12
In reply to I went to a funeral..... suicide, posted by Spriggy on May 29, 2005, at 11:21:58
Spriggy, I don't know what's appropriate to say-I'm always stunned by news of someone taking their own life.
For me, I get strength or hope from these words by Longfellow.Loss and Gain
When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 29, 2005, at 15:01:56
In reply to I went to a funeral..... suicide, posted by Spriggy on May 29, 2005, at 11:21:58
Oh Spriggy that sounds so hard. I think it is great you went to show your support though.
It is such an awful way to die. So sad and heartbreaking. I feel for those poor kids.
And I agree with you, there is always hope...always always always! Not matter how bad today is, tomorrow could bring the best joy to your life.
So I echo you- dont give up! Its so hard to do when everything seems horrible but there is always another day around the corner that could bring some peace, or happiness. We only live once and as much as we struggle it is important to try to enjoy everyday and get help when we need it.
Sorry, suicide always gets me.
Posted by TamaraJ on May 29, 2005, at 15:41:18
In reply to I went to a funeral..... suicide, posted by Spriggy on May 29, 2005, at 11:21:58
(((Spriggy)))
It's hard to know what to say or what to think in these situations. I've been to three such funerals, one of which was my sister-in-law's, and it is heartbreaking and the pain is just numbing. It doesn't matter, I think, how well you knew the person. I think the grief we feel and experience in these situations is about a life cut short by a pain that becomes so unbearable for someone that for them, at that moment in time, it appears that there is no other choice, no hope. It is so very sad and somewhat incomprehensible when someone reaches such depths of despair that they feel they can no longer so on. My first exposure to suicide was when I was about 12, I was asked to babysit two kids whose mother had just died. I had to spend two days at the house taking care of the kids while funeral arrangements were being made. When I first got there, all I knew is that the mother had died. But, I happened to overhear someone talking about how she had actually died - she had taken her own life. I still remember the way I felt. I had never experienced such an overwhelming wave of sadness, to the point of feeling sick to my stomach. It was hard to be with the kids (very young, probably 5 and 7) and try to keep them occupied and amused while the adults took care of things. I just didn't get it. I saw pictures of the woman all through the house, and she was beautiful. Her kids were beautiful. Her husband was beautiful. The house was beautiful. It appeared that her life was beautiful. What could have been so bad that that was her only option? Some people just don't talk about their pain and their thoughts and plans. I know I don't. So, we never know, we just never know. And, that is the one of the hardest parts, I think.
I like what you said "But I wanted to encourage you all to press on, press through, hang on to hope that one day it really CAN get better.
>
> Don't give up!"Words to keep in mind in the darkest hour.
My thoughts are with you, Spriggy. Take good care of you.
Tamara
Posted by daisym on May 29, 2005, at 23:20:56
In reply to Re: I went to a funeral..... suicide » Spriggy, posted by TamaraJ on May 29, 2005, at 15:41:18
My brother-in-law committed suicide 19 years ago. My husband has yet to come to terms with it. But I finally think I understand "how" he could have done this. I am astonished that I feel empathy for him and his choice. He wasn't married and didn't have kids but does that make it any "better" or more acceptable? I know that statistically mothers have a lower risk of acting impulsively but a higher success rate if they do attempt. Somehow I can't help thinking, "perhaps she is at peace now" while I also think "poor kids." Ultimately it reminds me that no one can truly know what is going on deep inside someone else. We live in a sad world.
Posted by Maxime on June 1, 2005, at 20:16:07
In reply to Re: I went to a funeral..... suicide, posted by daisym on May 29, 2005, at 23:20:56
That is sad.
But you have your stats wrong. Women attempt more often but tend to use alcohol and drugs so they aren't usually successful. However less men attempt but those who do are usually successful because they use more violents means such as firearms and hanging.
Sorry to talk about stats in this thread. :(
Maxime
> My brother-in-law committed suicide 19 years ago. My husband has yet to come to terms with it. But I finally think I understand "how" he could have done this. I am astonished that I feel empathy for him and his choice. He wasn't married and didn't have kids but does that make it any "better" or more acceptable? I know that statistically mothers have a lower risk of acting impulsively but a higher success rate if they do attempt. Somehow I can't help thinking, "perhaps she is at peace now" while I also think "poor kids." Ultimately it reminds me that no one can truly know what is going on deep inside someone else. We live in a sad world.
Posted by Phillipa on June 1, 2005, at 22:35:04
In reply to Re: I went to a funeral..... suicide » daisym, posted by Maxime on June 1, 2005, at 20:16:07
Spriggy, God meant you to be the person you are. So compassionate and caring. They say there is a reason for everything. There is a reason you are the person you are. Caring, thoughtful, always putting others before you even when you are carrying such a full load. Love, Your Friend, Phillipa
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