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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 3:30:33
I work from home and for years, some of the work I do is for my father-in-law. I do not get paid for this. He does not communicate with me. He does no co-operate with me. I have resorted to writing stern memos, to no avail. I have to wait months for paperwork and when I receive it, it is too late to re-concile. He continually leaves cheque stubs blank and I must suck the info out of thin air. He has just phoned me demanding to know why I have not issued a certain invoice. I have said (over and over) that I am not invoicing until I receive some required paperwork. He says "oh but I have it here, so just do it". On Friday, he didn't even remember about the paperwork. He was patronizing and condescending. I blew up at him on the phone just now saying that I don't know how he expects me to do my work when he doesn't bother to do as I asked (and require).
My husband says I should lay down an ultimatum and tell him that if he does not "come right", I will no longer do his books. I KNOW he will not come right so to me the ultimatum is fruitless and will just cause tension amongst us all.
As father-in-law - with nothing to do with work - we get on just fine.I am shaking I feel so mad right now.
Thanks for letting me vent.Sabrina
Posted by Johnny's Fav Girl on February 20, 2006, at 8:29:55
In reply to I could blow a fuse right now, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 3:30:33
Oh boy, does that sound rough. And not even getting PAID! It's a tricky thing with family, wanting to be helpful, and so often finding yourself in this kind of situation.
I sounds like your husband is behind you on this and an altimatum might be the only way to salvage the daughter- father in law relationship, that sounds worth saving.
It's great that you were able to blow up though. Some people would disagree but I think there are times when things just HAVE to be said. Good for you....E
Posted by lynn971 on February 20, 2006, at 11:05:28
In reply to I could blow a fuse right now, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 3:30:33
Well, he needs to respect you. You cannot do your work if he does not give you what you need. You have a right to be angry. What will happen if you quit doing his books?
I hope everything turns out well,
Lynn
Posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 11:14:36
In reply to Re: I could blow a fuse right now, posted by lynn971 on February 20, 2006, at 11:05:28
I do not mean for this to sound obnoxious. Not at all. But unless he find's someone truly qualified (and I am not), he will hit financial ruin if I do not do his books. And here is where my fear really begins. For it will be up to my husband to salvage him. We are just starting our lives together, so we do not need this.
Thank you for understanding.
Hugs
Sabrina
Posted by AuntieMel on February 20, 2006, at 13:48:31
In reply to I could blow a fuse right now, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 3:30:33
I don't know what the system is like over there, but over here there's a good chance of being audited by the tax people. There *must* be paperwork for all items.
I do hubby's books sometimes (I taught him how to do it so I don't have to all the time) and he's learned not to pay anyone without paper.
Could you get a fax machine? Faxing while you're thinking about may be easier for him to remember than mailing things. Over here, at least, a fax is as good as an original.
Posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 14:06:24
In reply to Re: I could blow a fuse right now » Sabrina0805, posted by AuntieMel on February 20, 2006, at 13:48:31
Hi AuntieMel
Thanks so much for your reply. I have a fax machine and of course email. I am also about 10 minutes drive from him. Better yet, my husband sees him every single day and every single day he says he will have to "find" the paperwork. Every single day he says he will fax something or email something or send something. Everysingle day I remind him of that he sounds surprised and wonders how I knew in the first place. (Insert head banging against aluminum wall here).
My integrity is at stake for the very reason you mentioned .... being audited by the tax people.
One of the reasons I DO NOT WANT to do this anymore!!
Thanks for understanding.
Sabrina
Posted by Phillipa on February 20, 2006, at 19:33:01
In reply to Re: I could blow a fuse right now, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 14:06:24
I don't blame you it's a hard decision. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on February 21, 2006, at 20:08:07
In reply to Re: I could blow a fuse right now » Sabrina0805, posted by Phillipa on February 20, 2006, at 19:33:01
This is classic case of co-dependence. I've experienced it with family first hand. The family member makes impossible demands that you feel obligated to try to achieve because not doing so will result in disaster for them. This is a form of manipulation that he's probably not even aware he is inflicting. You are not responsible for his sucess or failure! Just because he has put you in this position doesn't mean you're responsible. Its just a way of shifting blame.
My advice is do what you can for him, tell him what you are unable to do without his cooperation, and then leave it in his hands. In the end you are not responsible for the outcome. He may try to make it seem like you are, but its only a way of trying to get out of being held accountable. Everyone is responsible for their own destinies.
I hope what I'm trying to say is coming out right, its hard to explain.
Do you have a T? This would definitely be something to discuss with one.
-T
Posted by Deneb on February 23, 2006, at 0:12:19
In reply to I could blow a fuse right now, posted by Sabrina0805 on February 20, 2006, at 3:30:33
(((((((Sabrina))))))))
Sorry about your father-in-law not appreciating the things you do for him and giving you a hard time. You deserve better. Don't feel responsible for his failures.
Deneb
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