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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LegWarmers on February 23, 2006, at 19:52:39
when you are upset, do you prefer the listening ear to say "I understnd how you feel" or "I can't imagine how you must feel" or something to that effect?
The fact is, the former is the truth, and I recieved a very defensive remark back when using it, because this person couldn't see that.
this sounds selfish, maybe, but now Im wondering what most people prefer... the person to understand, or not?
I like to be understood ; )
Posted by Deneb on February 23, 2006, at 20:01:30
In reply to What do you prefer - dilema, posted by LegWarmers on February 23, 2006, at 19:52:39
I think I would want the person to tell me the truth. I want people to show concern in a genuine way and not pretend to understand when they don't or pretend not to understand when they do.
Deneb
Posted by sleepygirl on February 23, 2006, at 22:34:48
In reply to What do you prefer - dilema, posted by LegWarmers on February 23, 2006, at 19:52:39
Well I'd like them to understand whatever part of it they could. It's the best to be understood.
Posted by Gee on February 24, 2006, at 0:39:24
In reply to Re: What do you prefer - dilema » LegWarmers, posted by sleepygirl on February 23, 2006, at 22:34:48
I like to be understood and not felt like they have no idea what so ever. Then again, sometimes it's really hard to get ideas expressed in the right mannor... at least for me. I'm horrible with talking and words.
Posted by Glydin on February 24, 2006, at 7:27:44
In reply to What do you prefer - dilema, posted by LegWarmers on February 23, 2006, at 19:52:39
Maybe I'm a sympathy monger or something but I prefer a simple: "I'm sorry you're so upset" type of sentiment. Now, my husband and I have a little disagreement over what "sorry" entails. He seems to believe that it imples a type of blame or fault on the saying person. I tend to believe it CAN be an expression of regret for the person feeling their upset feeling without any tag of fault for causing it or really understanding it.
I do like being understood but I mainly like acknowledgement of the validity of MY feelings even if the other person doesn't really "get it", if they are willing to recognize my right to feel that way.
Posted by AuntieMel on February 24, 2006, at 9:42:59
In reply to What do you prefer - dilema, posted by LegWarmers on February 23, 2006, at 19:52:39
Well, truth is I don't think anyone *can* understand exactly what another person is feeling, even if they've been in the same situation.
But - on the other hand, if you've walked in their shoes you might come close.
It's possible the other person was feeling a pain that they thought was unique and felt it was diminished by someone saying 'I understand.'
Don't worry about it. You did nothing wrong. It was the pain speaking, I'm sure. Sometimes, like a wounded animal, if we are in pain we can tend to lash out at whatever is convenient.
Posted by LegWarmers on February 24, 2006, at 10:55:38
In reply to Re: What do you prefer - dilema, posted by AuntieMel on February 24, 2006, at 9:42:59
> Well, truth is I don't think anyone *can* understand exactly what another person is feeling, even if they've been in the same situation.
I agree, thats very true
>
> But - on the other hand, if you've walked in their shoes you might come close.and I felt I had
>
> It's possible the other person was feeling a pain that they thought was unique and felt it was diminished by someone saying 'I understand.'Youre right
>
> Don't worry about it. You did nothing wrong. It was the pain speaking, I'm sure. Sometimes, like a wounded animal, if we are in pain we can tend to lash out at whatever is convenient.Thanks, I was feeling like Id really hurt them, but then they hurt me back...
Posted by LegWarmers on February 24, 2006, at 10:57:04
In reply to Re: What do you prefer - dilema, posted by Glydin on February 24, 2006, at 7:27:44
>
> I do like being understood but I mainly like acknowledgement of the validity of MY feelingsThat does put a different light on it.
Posted by Phillipa on February 24, 2006, at 20:37:16
In reply to Re: What do you prefer - dilema, posted by AuntieMel on February 24, 2006, at 9:42:59
You got it it's the having walked in the same shoes. Fondly, Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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