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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 13:25:49
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used to compare myself to you.
I realize that I am not happy with myself, but when I observe others or ask them questions about themselves, I find my self comparing me to them. I try to find where it is I actually fall into the slurry of life. Is this normal?
Have I achieved enough (compared to him/her?) Am I better off (compared to him/her?)
What makes him/her better or worse than me? When I see someone who is/has wasted their life away, I feel better. (That sounds sick) When I see someone who has reached great achievement, I feel bad.
I do know that when it comes to being better off with respect to how I feel about myself, I am not. Otherwise I wouldn't have to compare.
Posted by fairywings on May 15, 2006, at 13:48:50
In reply to You have the right to remain silent..., posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 13:25:49
Yep - I do it too. Don't know if it's "normal", but would guess that it's really common - e.g. advertising uses psychology to get us to buy stuff.
Congrats to you and your wife - hope you can still keep your appt.
fw
Posted by AuntieMel on May 15, 2006, at 14:22:48
In reply to You have the right to remain silent..., posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 13:25:49
But I'm not smart enough to use it.
Posted by Phillipa on May 15, 2006, at 15:50:05
In reply to Re:I have the right to remain silent... » curtm, posted by AuntieMel on May 15, 2006, at 14:22:48
You mean the silent thing? Me either Always saying the wrong thing. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on May 15, 2006, at 18:45:04
In reply to You have the right to remain silent..., posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 13:25:49
Hey Curt
These days when I meet someone I might say "You look good", and I immediately think "maybe I'd feel better if you didn't", or "better than I thought you would". You might know that Gore Vidal quote which goes something like "every time one of my friends achieves something a little part of me dies". We're a competitive lot, and this is made worse by our culture of winners and losers. People have no doubt always been competitive but the sense of community softened it mre in the past. And envy too. All those things in our minds.
Declan
Posted by lynn971 on May 15, 2006, at 20:35:45
In reply to You have the right to remain silent..., posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 13:25:49
I had the same problem. Sometimes I find myself falling into the trap of comparing myself to others.
I know that if God wanted me to be like someone else, He would have made me that way.
You have things to offer the world that noone else has. You have skills and talents that are unique to you. You can reach and help people that noone else can. Be happy with you. You are a master piece - so special that there is no other you out there.
peace,
Lynn
Posted by Jakeman on May 15, 2006, at 20:44:22
In reply to You have the right to remain silent..., posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 13:25:49
In the west we live in a society based on achievement, good looks, etc. I have to train myself to disregard all those messages and the barrage of adverisements because they are false. Everyone has a right to be here, or you would not have been born. Then another question arises, what am I supposed to do?
warm regards, Jake
Posted by llrrrpp on May 15, 2006, at 22:40:09
In reply to Re: You have the right to remain silent..., posted by Jakeman on May 15, 2006, at 20:44:22
The Buddha taught us that the source of much human misery is "comparative thinking". That is, to compare ourselves to others, to how we once were, to how we ought to be, will lead to suffering and little gain.
Unfortunately, at this point in my education, I "acquired" a mental illness and had to give up many hobbies, including Dharma. I don't remember how to get out of the comparative thinking trap. I think it goes something like this: look within yourself, and find what makes you unhappy and then think of a solution and a path to make the solution reality. ... Buddha: the first Therapist...
It might also relate to another interesting Buddhist idea: the definition of self. Who are we? Well, we exist independent of other people, so comparing our 'selves' to them shouldn't really change our "self". We exist independent of our actions (If we lose function of our limbs, we still exist). We exist independent of our prior "self" (We are given infinite chances and choices to change our future, and perhaps we can even slowly change our "selves"). Perhaps most relevant to our modern lifestyles is that we exist independent of our possessions. If our life's accumulated wealth is swept away in a flood, we do not cease to be.
Our thinking about our 'selves' is thus independent of others' "selves', our possesions, our ideas of what we should be, and what we have been.
If only this were easy. The person typing these sensible ideas has yet to incorporate this wisdom into her own life, which is kind of at the bottom of a long downward spiral right now... And here's my own comparative thinking trap: If I were a good Buddhist, and a rational being, I would not be conflicted about my own abilities, and my own past. (In short, I would not fall prey to the cognitive illusions and biases of depression).
I think it's time for my medicine. I'm cracking up.
Posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 23:34:11
In reply to Re: You have the right to remain silent..., posted by llrrrpp on May 15, 2006, at 22:40:09
>> I think it's time for my medicine. I'm cracking up.
You have earned the honor of "My Buddha." Thank you.
Posted by Jakeman on May 16, 2006, at 19:59:31
In reply to Re: You have the right to remain silent..., posted by llrrrpp on May 15, 2006, at 22:40:09
It sounds like you and I are in similar places. I wonder what would happen if just let myself go and sink into that downward spiral? I've thought (if I had time and money) of going on an extended retreat and just sit and let the mind do it's own thing, and maybe find my true self. I wonder if a crack-up is just hair-breath's away from a break-through. Then I worry too about going completely insane.
warm regards, Jake
If only this were easy. The person typing these sensible ideas has yet to incorporate this wisdom into her own life, which is kind of at the bottom of a long downward spiral right now... And here's my own comparative thinking trap: If I were a good Buddhist, and a rational being, I would not be conflicted about my own abilities, and my own past. (In short, I would not fall prey to the cognitive illusions and biases of depression).I think it's time for my medicine. I'm cracking up.
Posted by llrrrpp on May 16, 2006, at 20:12:53
In reply to Re: You have the right to remain silent...curtm » llrrrpp, posted by Jakeman on May 16, 2006, at 19:59:31
Hmm, well, I did that experiment recently. Over spring break, I took 10 days, and completely isolated myself in my apartment. I had a schedule, I did work, and meditated, and did more work, and read a book, and played some music. I ate mindfully, and was so disciplined. And you know what? By the time I emerged from the isolation, it was to go to mental health facility to be evaluated for intake.
I couldn't even understand my native language I was so impaired from lack of human interaction. My Beck Depression Inventory score was dismal. Sure, I got a lot of work done, and a lot of meditating done. I also got a lot of depression done, and altered some of the neural networks that keep me happy and balanced.
Having said that, I think that everyone is different. Isolation, in my case was not so good, but it may be just the thing if your mind is buzzing. I think that p-babble reduces my sense of isolation, which is why I feel better lately. But not better enough to confront my monkey mind in a one-on-one game of Vipassana meditation. Too daunting. I don't even know what my mind will throw at my consciousness, and if it starts throwing some crazy stuff up to explicit awareness, I don't want to be alone- I want to have a T to help me figure out WTF it means. I'm not content to just "acknowledge" it, as the meditation practice suggests. I need to "interpret" it too.
Posted by Jakeman on May 16, 2006, at 20:23:47
In reply to Re: You have the right to remain silent...curtm, posted by llrrrpp on May 16, 2006, at 20:12:53
I have to have human interaction too. Very much so. And a teacher, someone who has been down the path of finding sanity. I have little of those right now.
warm regards, Jake
> Hmm, well, I did that experiment recently. Over spring break, I took 10 days, and completely isolated myself in my apartment. I had a schedule, I did work, and meditated, and did more work, and read a book, and played some music. I ate mindfully, and was so disciplined. And you know what? By the time I emerged from the isolation, it was to go to mental health facility to be evaluated for intake.
>
> I couldn't even understand my native language I was so impaired from lack of human interaction. My Beck Depression Inventory score was dismal. Sure, I got a lot of work done, and a lot of meditating done. I also got a lot of depression done, and altered some of the neural networks that keep me happy and balanced.
>
> Having said that, I think that everyone is different. Isolation, in my case was not so good, but it may be just the thing if your mind is buzzing. I think that p-babble reduces my sense of isolation, which is why I feel better lately. But not better enough to confront my monkey mind in a one-on-one game of Vipassana meditation. Too daunting. I don't even know what my mind will throw at my consciousness, and if it starts throwing some crazy stuff up to explicit awareness, I don't want to be alone- I want to have a T to help me figure out WTF it means. I'm not content to just "acknowledge" it, as the meditation practice suggests. I need to "interpret" it too.
>
Posted by Declan on May 19, 2006, at 22:04:50
In reply to Re: You have the right to remain silent...curtm » llrrrpp, posted by Jakeman on May 16, 2006, at 19:59:31
This comes up a bit: that perhaps it might be easier not to hope, to let things go so they find their own level, not to have to keep on trying, I guess. It is something I feel. When my mother went through her agitated depression it was like she threw away the lifebelt; but I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Real life? Where is it? Out the front door, rather than on this side of it. Maybe I should volunteer at our community radio station?
Declan
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