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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2006, at 17:27:03
I don't think I have as much empathy as other people. I can be very self absorbed and focused. So much so that I often space out during conversations and go off to my own little world.
When I read painful posts from other people, I don't think I feel enough pain. I wish them well and then I usually forget about them while I live my own life. It makes me feel a little guilty. (At least I know I have a conscience)
I almost never get teary eyed when reading other people's post, no matter how moving theirs is. I feel like I should. I usually don't cry when bad things happen to people. I don't feel like I'm being empathetic. I need more empathy.
I wasn't always like this. I remember a time when watching, hearing or reading anything tragic brought on tears. I was very sensitive. Every time those "save the poor children" type commercials came on, I would cry. I wonder what has changed?
Does anyone understand what I'm writing? I just wish I were moved by others' stories more. I feel like such a freak.
Deneb*
Posted by fallsfall on May 26, 2006, at 17:45:58
In reply to I feel uneasy at my lack of empathy, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2006, at 17:27:03
You are awfully critical of yourself, Deneb...
We all find things about ourselves that we would like to change. And then we make changes gradually, and we become different. But it doesn't help to be judgemental towards ourselves. We can just decide to do it differently the next time.
If you wish to be more empathic (and I don't know that it is necessary for you to be more empathic, but it is a reasonable choice for you to make for yourself), then try to imagine how you would feel in their place. Empathy is something that you can practice and get better at.
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2006, at 19:00:31
In reply to Re: I feel uneasy at my lack of empathy » Deneb, posted by fallsfall on May 26, 2006, at 17:45:58
Wow, I didn't realize one bit that I was critical of myself here. Now that you mentioned it, I think I see it. My pdoc says I'm critical of myself too.
It's good to know that people can practice being empathetic and learn to be more so. That really makes me feel better.
Thanks for replying Fallsfall. :-)
Deneb*
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 27, 2006, at 2:15:49
In reply to I feel uneasy at my lack of empathy, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2006, at 17:27:03
My brother has aspergers.. which means he truly feels no natural empathy (I'm not suggesting you have aspergers by the way), but over time, by watching other peoples responses and learning from them, he has developed some.
But then, I have a friend with aspergers who has no desire to learn empathy, or actually try and make his life easier (its much easier for him to use it as an excuse to not do *anything*)..
but, crying over other peoples posts doesn't show a greater level of empathy. I am a very empathetic person (much too much sometimes), but I don't cry over other peoples posts.. YOu can be empathetic (ie, understand and feel sorry or what ever for them) without having to take their pain on board
Does that make any sense?
Nikki
Posted by Deneb on May 27, 2006, at 12:51:40
In reply to Re: I feel uneasy at my lack of empathy » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on May 27, 2006, at 2:15:49
> but, crying over other peoples posts doesn't show a greater level of empathy. I am a very empathetic person (much too much sometimes), but I don't cry over other peoples posts.. YOu can be empathetic (ie, understand and feel sorry or what ever for them) without having to take their pain on board
>
> Does that make any sense?I think that makes sense. So, you are saying that being empathetic doesn't mean that I have to be overcome with emotions. I can care, but still not cry over something or let it consume me. Maybe this has to do with boundaries? Is it like when my pdoc cares about me, but goes about her daily life not letting her work get to her?
Once I wondered if I had Aspergers because I don't seem to desire to socialize very much. When I'm in social situations I often don't listen to conversations and go off into my own little world. Oftentimes I find it difficult to feel bad for other people. I usually only cry when bad things happen to me and not when bad things happen to other people. There is a certain detachedness from others' pain that I experience, but I'm pretty sure I don't have Aspergers because I'm way too emotional, plus I'm not that smart.
Once I also thought Dr. Bob had Aspergers because sometimes it seemed like he didn't understand how people can feel hurt. I'm pretty sure Dr. Bob doesn't have Aspergers now that I've met him in real life. He's much better at socializing than I am. He shows interest in what other people have to say, unlike me.
I don't know what sort of problem I am, maybe some sort of personality problem. It's good to know I can learn to be more social and have more empathy.
Deneb*
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 27, 2006, at 14:34:17
In reply to Re: I feel uneasy at my lack of empathy » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on May 27, 2006, at 12:51:40
"I think that makes sense. So, you are saying that being empathetic doesn't mean that I have to be overcome with emotions. I can care, but still not cry over something or let it consume me. Maybe this has to do with boundaries? Is it like when my pdoc cares about me, but goes about her daily life not letting her work get to her? "
Exactly what I meant :)
I would much rather not truly socialise. There are a few people I love spending time with, but as a rule, I'd much rather they just popped over for an hour or two while we chilled and watched TV or something..
Thats why I *love* the internet!!Nikki x
Posted by naughtypuppy on May 31, 2006, at 8:05:28
In reply to I feel uneasy at my lack of empathy, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2006, at 17:27:03
You're probably just insulating youself from the hurt you would feel by empathising with other peoples pain. I can relate to that. It's a lot easier that way. It hurts a lot less to disassociate yourself from other peoples emotions. I don't even listen to music anymore because it does nothing for me. Take care of yourself. It's a difficult habit to break.
"And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries"
Simon and Garfunkel
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