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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by snapper on June 24, 2006, at 3:39:40
..........sorry for a possible downer for you all. More often than I would like ....I will drink ! Then after I drink....... I will realize that in life... I feel very alone and VERY hopeless to ever have a wife a family or a half way normal life. I do not always drink and I do not always feel this way but needed to tell someone...that after the "good vibrations" of the beer or wine and temporary euphoria leaves me and it is late at night and I pop an Ambien-CR and hope for sleep and sometimes sadly sometimes less, that I realize how sad and lonely and fu**ing lonely I am , and less than worthy this mood and anxiety sh*t makes me feel I find a little thing to go to bed. My self esteem has absolutely been DESTROYED!. I am on disability for this mental crap. I am not crying foul. I know many of you may be in this same position, or worse, I am sorry. I hurt so badly that sometimes I hope to not wake up! I have enough meds here to do the worst thing possible. I guess thankfully that something each time I reach this level of despondency that I get complacent and realize that it is not the way out and I go to bed. Then...I wake to yet another day of misery and hope that the day will be different. Sometimes it is and sometimes it is'nt. I am sorry for rambling but I appreciate if anyone reads this and has anything to say. I have been on all the meds...had the therapy....the ECT...... at times I really feel that this is my destiny. The rumination of my thoughts and dreams at times is horrible. Prayer is abound and abundant. Therapies are and have been in place. The hospital is a joke. I have not had my company or a serious life affirming vocation or job in roughly 8 years. I don't know what else to do. I truly get sick and tired of waking up! Cheers!!
My tears are deep this early morning
Thanks for reading and Listening
Snapper
Posted by snapper on June 24, 2006, at 4:07:41
sorry guys....the more I drink and listen to this music that I "must" listen to...brings about more tears and thoughts ...and of course more words. If anyof you happen to read this and reply and I don't reply ---I am not-un-appreciative..it is just that I am Sad and I know all of you will hopefully understand ..(hopefully)---------Sometimes .......I guess it is good..or even OK to cry! God I really could use a GREAT friends shoulders or arms to cry into or with. Everyday I get up I am tense and scared and yet somehow sickly hopeful of the day being different . Honestly I could use a big hug and a big sincere Kiss but I don't see those coming anytime soon. I am not an Ugly guy but this illness...coupled with no job, no income(other than SSI) no car and nop life plan at 39 does not neccessarily excite the ladies on Yahoo Personals. I usually don't even let any contacts know about my illness or what ever until I am sure that they might be interested...but GOD.sometimes they all seem compared to me and my current life situation, have thier lives and s**t together. Who is gonna want a former self-employed business owner with Bipolar Disorder/ Anxiety/ Social Phobia and No car and no steady income kind of guy to snuggle up to? ............ sad ...but maybe true... I really am a GREAT GUY, but my brain just does not work right....sad but true most don't know that we that struggle are not bad or evil, or mal-aligned-......ok...so thanks for listening and reading part II
Clint
Posted by wildcardII on June 24, 2006, at 6:18:21
In reply to sometimes........continuation ..., posted by snapper on June 24, 2006, at 4:07:41
~i'm sorry you're hurting. no one deserves to feel like you do. i know it's not the same but i'm sending you some big ole hugs and a puppy face kiss.
Posted by Phillipa on June 24, 2006, at 13:59:08
In reply to Sometimes.......possible downer (sorry)!, posted by snapper on June 24, 2006, at 3:39:40
I hear you loud and clear same time frame for me all the meds minus the ECT. And all I want is to be the person I was and work as a nurse. I was in love with life then. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on June 24, 2006, at 14:01:34
In reply to (((snapper))) » snapper, posted by wildcardII on June 24, 2006, at 6:18:21
Snapper I replied before part 2. Big hugs and kisses from me Love Phillipa
Posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 15:42:03
In reply to sometimes........continuation ..., posted by snapper on June 24, 2006, at 4:07:41
> sorry guys....the more I drink and listen to this music that I "must" listen to...brings about more tears and thoughts ...and of course more words. If anyof you happen to read this and reply and I don't reply ---I am not-un-appreciative..it is just that I am Sad and I know all of you will hopefully understand ..(hopefully)---------Sometimes .......I guess it is good..or even OK to cry!
Definitely. I think that crying can be such a wonderful release. YOu are so lucky to be able to cry. Sometimes I am so sad and I can't cry. It's so bad. You don't have to reply if you can't, or you don't feel up to it. I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm thinking of you (((Snapper)))
>I am not an Ugly guy but this illness...coupled with no job, no income(other than SSI) no car and nop life plan at 39 does not neccessarily excite the ladies on Yahoo Personals. I usually don't even let any contacts know about my illness or what ever until I am sure that they might be interested...but GOD.sometimes they all seem compared to me and my current life situation, have thier lives and s**t together. Who is gonna want a former self-employed business owner with Bipolar Disorder/ Anxiety/ Social Phobia and No car and no steady income kind of guy to snuggle up to? ............ sad ...but maybe true... I really am a GREAT GUY, but my brain just does not work right....sad but true most don't know that we that struggle are not bad or evil, or mal-aligned-......ok...so thanks for listening and reading part II
I think there are a lot of people out there who would be attracted to a great guy who's not half bad looking and is not afraid to show his emotional side. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're okay. Besides, when you do find your special someone, you will know that she likes YOU, not your material possessions.
I'm sorry you're hurting. It sounds like an incredible struggle, but one that has made you stronger, wiser, kinder than most people who haven't had your experiences.
((more hugs for Snapper))
-ll
oh yeah- I have to share this one gem that my T told me:
Alcohol is a wonderful antidepressant. Unfortunately it has terrible side-effects, including depression.
Posted by wildcardII on June 24, 2006, at 19:08:44
In reply to Re: sometimes........continuation ... » snapper, posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 15:42:03
******Alcohol is a wonderful antidepressant. Unfortunately it has terrible side-effects, including depression.
one of the truest things i've ever heard and known...
Posted by Deneb on June 25, 2006, at 20:19:23
In reply to Sometimes.......possible downer (sorry)!, posted by snapper on June 24, 2006, at 3:39:40
It sounds like you feel like you're stuck in a rut and desperately want to get out.
You drink to forget your loneliness and depression, but it's probably making it worse in the long run?
I think you should have hope for your future. Things can change, slowly or suddenly. You just never know. You can initiate change. Maybe try to make a list of things that you can do to help you get to where you want to be?
I hope you feel better.
Deneb*
This is the end of the thread.
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