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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Clemence on September 12, 2006, at 16:49:00
i NEED SOME ADVICE. you see i think i have suffered neglect and need some advice. Can you help?
You see when I first started high school I lost two people of whom I was very close to.one of these was my Grandmother who practically raised me.She was the one who took me places, taught me, supported me and basically looked after me. I used to see her almost every day.I can never remember my real mother doing any of this. However I never noticed the lack of support by my parents&..until she died.
I started to refuse to go to school on-and-off for my first two years in high school because of this...i did not want to move on and lapsed into serious depression and somedays i couldn't find the will-power to get up. I'd just lie in bed all day i felt so depressed. But my parents never helped me.they must have seen how depressed I was and yet they did nothing. Isn't this neglect. They knew I had depression and yet they did nothing.
Then i refused to go to school altoghether at the end of this second year as i could no longer cope any more. I ended up having 5 meagre hours of home tuition per week for the last three years which should have ben spent in school. my parents didn't get me any professional help or anything. Isn't this abuse/neglect.
I ended up failing almost all my GCSEs. the thing is i don't know anything about anything. i haven't been out of the house or seen people for about three years. But my parents won't teach me things such as how to use a bus, how to open a bank account, buy a phone or anything. it's as if they don't care. my mum NEVER offers me any sort or support or advice on anything.Also there have been many many occasions when my mum has been exceptionally emotionally abusive towards me....somestimes she has been so horrible she'd make me cry...and then tell me to 'shut up' or 'stop moaning'.
So basically
I refused to go to school for my first two school yearsI then refused to go altogether at theend of this second year
I then ended up having 5 measly hours of tuition per week for the last three years that I should have been in school
I then failed almost all my GCSEs
But throughout all this nobody helped meI will have to go on a very low level of course at college.However I am worried that i am not going to get the support i need at home and might lapse into depression again as a consequnce and be too depressed to get up in the mornings. Because my parents sort of expect me to raise myself!Is this OK or is this neglect. My mums also still not particularly nice to me.
I think I need to tell the college about this lack of support. But i don't want to get my parents in trouble. I want to tell the college so that I can get the emotional support I need and also so that they can understand one of the reasons I felt I couldn't cope with school and therefore couldn't go. I am 18 years old now.
Can i tell the college without getting my parents in trouble with the police or social services
? Who would the college contact if I were to tell them about the neglect? I DO NOT want to get my parents into trouble
What do you recommend I do? Can I safetly tell the college about the neglect now that I am 18 WITHOUT getting my parents into trouble with anyone? PLEASE CAN ANYONE PROVIDE ME WITH ANY SORT OF AN ANSWER??
Posted by Racer on September 12, 2006, at 18:43:45
In reply to Can anyone help??? CAN ANYONE OFFER ME ANY ADVICE?, posted by Clemence on September 12, 2006, at 16:49:00
The answer will probably vary somewhat depending on where you are located, but the basic answer is "probably not." Sad to say, but the sort of neglect you're describing isn't usually grounds for social services to move in. Is it abusive? Well, probably. Is what you've described a terrible thing? Sure, it's terrible. It's also not terribly uncommon.
Aside from anything else, your parents may not have had any idea whatsoever what to do for you. Denial is a powerful urge for most people.
Your college may have programs set up to help studetns in situations similar to yours. Most colleges have some sort of counseling center where you can get some help -- although it's certainly not like psychotherapy, so don't expect that. They will have community resources, though.
Good luck.
Posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2006, at 18:53:21
In reply to Re: Can anyone help??? CAN ANYONE OFFER ME ANY ADV » Clemence, posted by Racer on September 12, 2006, at 18:43:45
You say you haven't been out of the house in three years. Have you been out since then. And at l8 you can get your own help. I agree with Racer the college you must be going out has resourses to help you. Love Phillipa
Posted by Gee on September 12, 2006, at 19:17:42
In reply to Re: Can anyone help??? CAN ANYONE OFFER ME ANY ADV, posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2006, at 18:53:21
I agree with Phillipa and Racer. I bet the college has something. If not, they'll be able to tell you where you need to go to get what you need. And you might be able to get extra help with things. One of the schools that I'm at (I'm currently enrolled as a full time student at two) has been really helpful for me. The one here is all in french and I'm just waiting for some documentation (and classes to start) before I say anything. If you don't ask you'll never know. I've found e-mail a really good way to get responces and very unthreatning! Or phone. I hope I helped a bit
Posted by ElaineM on September 12, 2006, at 23:05:55
In reply to Can anyone help??? CAN ANYONE OFFER ME ANY ADVICE?, posted by Clemence on September 12, 2006, at 16:49:00
Clemence, I'm sorry you lost your Grandma. It sounds like she was a big part of your life and a caring lady. If she seemed more of a mother to you than your real mom, then it's no wonder you were so effected by the loss of her. I find grief a very difficult emotion. It's like sadness and love and shock all wrapped into one. And it's so different for each person.
It's hard suffering from depression during your teens - when everyone is developing skills, and learning social stuff, and going to school. But you can catch up. Don't worry. And you're not alone. Others have worked their way back too. It sounds like you deserved way more support from your parents than you got. I found that depression was hard for my parents to understand -- it seemed like an attack on them, it was a "made up" thing... They just never were able to acknowledge it (or some of the other problems I've had). Perhaps your parents were in denial too. Have you ever talked to them about how hard it was for you?
I think it's pretty great that you're planning on going to college -- you should be proud of yourself no matter what level of courses you take. You should see if your college has a website, and look under Student Services/Resources or something like that. I've just used the Counselling Service at my university too. It'd be nice for you to get to talk to someone about what you've been going through. You don't even have to label what you went through, if you don't want. Just talk about what happened to you and how it made you feel, and stuff like that. Or start off my talking about managing depression.
Most of the time 18 seems to the age where you're considered an adult (for most things), in most countries. So I'm guessing that you could talk to your college without them telling your parents -- even if your parents asked them stuff. Plus, in school you'll get to be around others your age again :)
Take care of yourself, ELaine
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