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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Amandafran on October 7, 2006, at 20:44:06
I need some help. I was adopted back in 1979 and I am looking for my birthmother. I recently found out infomation regarding her...I didn't get her name but I found out her age and where I was born and when I was born...I am needing to find my birth records and to find out any medical info regarding the health of my birth mother because it would help me to be able to know why and where a lot of my issues and illnesses have come from. I am really frustrated because this is something that I am doing on my own without any help. My parents that adopted me want nothing to do with any of this and actually they dont know Im going this far in trying to find her. I had an amended birth certificate which means that when I was born my parents that adopted me put my name on the certificate and left off other info regarding my birthparents...I need to find info out!! I know where I was born and when and I even know the doctor that delievered me..and have been in contact with him...but it is very frustrating because he is only giving me little bits of info. I just emailed him again and asked him if there was any way he could provide me with a name...this is so frustrating. It is so hard to go through life knowing that you have another family out in the world and knowing that you may never be able to find anything out. I told my therapist that I hope I never die before meeting my family. I cannot imagine going through my entire life NEVER meeting my family...this is so depressing for me. I wish I was never adopted.
Posted by Snoozin on October 7, 2006, at 22:26:49
In reply to searching for birthmother =Frustration!!, posted by Amandafran on October 7, 2006, at 20:44:06
I might not be much help, but if you know the date and location of where you were born, could you search the local birth records there? Seems to me that even though you have an amended birth certificate, the original should be on file with the state's vital records/vital statistics department.
You could always hire a private investigator if money is available.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2006, at 5:55:10
In reply to searching for birthmother =Frustration!!, posted by Amandafran on October 7, 2006, at 20:44:06
>I am needing to find my birth records and to find out any medical info regarding the health of my birth mother because it would help me to be able to know why and where a lot of my issues and illnesses have come from.
That might be worth mentioning to the doctor who delivered you.
> My parents that adopted me want nothing to do with any of this.
Have they told you why they feel that way? Maybe they know something about the circumstances that you don't...
> I had an amended birth certificate which means that when I was born my parents that adopted me put my name on the certificate and left off other info regarding my birthparents
Oh. I didn't know it was possible to do that...
> but it is very frustrating because he is only giving me little bits of info.
Maybe there is a reason for that...
> It is so hard to go through life knowing that you have another family out in the world and knowing that you may never be able to find anything out. I told my therapist that I hope I never die before meeting my family. I cannot imagine going through my entire life NEVER meeting my family...this is so depressing for me. I wish I was never adopted.
Um.
I have one... Or two, I guess... Adopted brothers. I guess one of them is my half brother because he was adopted into my Mothers first marriage. The other is my full brother, I guess, because although he was adopted into my Mothers first marriage she married my father when he was 7 and so they unofficially changed his last name to my fathers... My family is complicated.
My brother was determined to find out who his birth parents were. Especially since my Mother was abusive and stuff. He thought there might be a family out there who wanted him and appreciated him. My brother had kidney failure. One kidney failed and he was on a special diet. He was a very rare blood type...He flew down... Was going to call her up... Decided not to at the last minute.
My brother died a few years back now. Tragic (unrelated to kidney) etc etc. His wife... Was determined to so see his birth mother to tell her what a wonderful son she gave birth to. My brother really was a wonderfully kind and sweet and handsome and smart individual. A thoroughly nice guy. She went to see her...
The lady didn't want to see her... She asked her to go away. My sister in law kind of forced her way in (dealing with the grief of being a widow)... Thrusting the photo album at her... Telling her what a wonderful son she gave birth to. She had been raped at 14. She never told her future husband. He found out at that point. It was a thoroughly horrible situation all around.
I'm sorry. That is very much 'worst case'... But it might just be the case that there are reasons for your parents and for the doctor to be reticent. Your birth Mother might have made it clear that she never wanted to know. Your birth mother might be in an institution, she might not even be alive. She could possibly have died giving birth. Most people give up their kids because they hope that they will have a better life with people who are desperate to adopt. Sometimes that works out... Sometimes it doesn't. I'm sorry.
One way of doing it would be to write a letter to your birth mother saying that you would be interested in meeting her. Give it to the doctor who delivered you and ask him if he can forward it on, if possible. Maybe include a photo even. That way if she is out there... The ball is in her court but she knows that you would desperately like to meet her.
I'm assuming the doctor knows or can track her down.
I don't know how realistic that assumption is...
But it might be worth a shot.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2006, at 6:30:42
In reply to Re: searching for birthmother =Frustration!!, posted by Snoozin on October 7, 2006, at 22:26:49
Though I have a happy story too...
I met a guy (in rehab) who had been adopted and his adoptive parents had been abusive to him. He ended up being raised in a home since he was 14. When he was 20 his birth parents came looking for him. His mother got pregnant at 15 to his father. Her parents made her give him up for adoption. They got married 4 years later. They had been looking for him since then and they found him when he was 20. She had had some kind of accident and turned out unable to have any more kids.So that is a happy story. I guess I'm just saying that one never knows... I'm sorry about my last story. That probably wasn't so helpful... But I think it is important to bear it in mind... To save more hurt later... Or something... I'm sorry.
This is the end of the thread.
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