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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64bowtie on December 25, 2006, at 15:12:39
Kids lack all the parts necessary to be adults running their own lives... Parents provide guidance, rightfully so...
Parents cross the line with ridicule, blame, coercion (if you don't do something you are ordered to do, I'll beat your butt.........), and violence or trauma may follow...
Crossing the line when they are sober, is that very parent trying to take a shortcut... The shortcut entails attaching "enmesheing" obligations to normal task assignments, parent to child... If the parent hasn't made it all the way to adulthood, they themsleves will feel expectations about how and when the the child 'MUST' complete the task, further obligating the child to an expected result...
If, however, acting as a parent, I suggest a time for the project to be completed, leaving open the possibility of optional outcomes, I am then free to be uninvolved with the process the child is going through...
This will free me to pursue my tasks, yet allowing me to change the suggestion, without feeling let-down and disappointmentfor the child failing to meet my (emotions/feelings) expectation I had obligated them into... I can continue a remaining open dialog with the child to alter the plan as seen fit by both parties...
This is only 1 example among millions like it...
Rod
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 1, 2007, at 16:33:48
In reply to Expectations vs Oblgations, posted by 64bowtie on December 25, 2006, at 15:12:39
> Kids lack all the parts necessary to be adults running their own lives...
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect this thread to Psycho-Babble Parents. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/718289.html
Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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