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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on January 16, 2009, at 18:05:36
He's DJ-ing. Using turntables to 'mix' vinyl records. He's spinning at a small sports bar in Toronto! Pretty cool. The first time he did this at a small club in Toronto was in the summer & I went. I was really excited for him. I didn't like the type of music he was spinning that night (Dub-Step). But this time he's spinning Drum & Bass - which I like. He makes mixes, records them on CD's & plays them when we go places in the car, so I know a lot of his records.
I don't know what to wear. Decided to wear a pair of black & gray striped pants. Maybe a black sweater; I don't know! I feel pretty conspicuous already ("61-year-old-woman-descends-on-sports-bar" LOL Sigh ) I don't know what to do - don't want to take a purse; need to take driver's licence & money. I guess I'll just take them in my pockets. Decided to wear ski-jacket so I feel okay just hanging it on a chair-back. At least I know a lot of his friends & we like each other. I'm driving my son & at least 2 of his friends (who I like). Also, I don't know the other 2 females who are going! :-(( Well, at least my son isn't spinning the first hour, so I can hang with him. I'm really surprised he's okay with me going. He was ecstatic last time when I went to hear him!!
So we get there at 10 pm so he can check out the tables/sound system before there's music happening. The someone else spins from 10:30 to 11:30, then son spins from 11:30 to 12:30 & I said I was only willing to stay an extra half hour MAX. (This is LATE for me!!!) Plus I'm feeling like I'm fighting off this 'bug' again.
:-( Oh dear. Oh yeah - and I don't drink! Well, I'll nurse a coke or ginger ale. But what do you do if you're dancing? I guess hold it??? If I like the music I'll dance (if others are, which son said they would be). I only like to dance if I like the music. I know I'll dance to at least some of his.
Oh dear.
If you read this before the time, please hold, "it'll be FINE" vibes for me, okay?
thanks, Kath
PS - last time his friends thought it was totally cool that I went. Some even said that they wished their Mom was as supportive of their interests as I am of my son's.
Posted by Sigismund on January 16, 2009, at 18:53:15
In reply to Sorta NERVOUS - going to club to see son 'spin', posted by Kath on January 16, 2009, at 18:05:36
When I go to some of my son's things his friends come out and introduce themselves and shake my hand.
It's flattering, of course: Here's the cool Dad.
I always expect him to be mortified, but he seems entirely used to me.
Personally, I would be worried about the dancing.
Posted by Kath on January 16, 2009, at 19:05:14
In reply to Re: Sorta NERVOUS - going to club to see son 'spin' » Kath, posted by Sigismund on January 16, 2009, at 18:53:15
> When I go to some of my son's things his friends come out and introduce themselves and shake my hand.
~ ~ ~ yeah - I know alot of them so they came up & say "HI Kath!" It's nice.
> It's flattering, of course: Here's the cool Dad.
>
> I always expect him to be mortified, but he seems entirely used to me.
>
> Personally, I would be worried about the dancing.~ ~ ~ Yeah - I sort of am! LOL If I like the music, I can get up & at least move a bit to it!! BUT if it doesn't 'grab' me, I feel really awkward.
NOW the big thing that's happening is that various of his friends who'd said they were going, are changing their minds at the last minute. He's afraid that if his friends aren't there, what if the other people at the bar don't like his music & don't dance, or worse still, walk out!! And of course, me being me - it's hard for me to keep my emotions detached from how I'D feel if I were in his situation! Sh*t. I should have been glad about just feeling nervous!!! sigh.
Kath
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2009, at 21:05:05
In reply to Sorta NERVOUS - going to club to see son 'spin', posted by Kath on January 16, 2009, at 18:05:36
I'm sorry his friends aren't going. But I am sure your moral support will help a lot.
I often wear one of those small purses with long straps that go across my body so I don't need to put it down or use my hands. I don't own a coat, so I'm not sure what you do with that or with drinks. But I imagine you take your cue from what others are doing?
Posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2009, at 0:37:21
In reply to ~~~ It'll be fine ~~~~, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2009, at 21:05:05
Kath let me know how it goes. Glad I'm not in your shoes. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on January 17, 2009, at 12:27:58
In reply to Re: ~~~ It'll be fine ~~~~, posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2009, at 0:37:21
Posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2009, at 19:48:26
In reply to How did it go? (nm), posted by TexasChic on January 17, 2009, at 12:27:58
Kath where are you? Still dancing? Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on January 17, 2009, at 22:10:45
In reply to Re: How did it go? » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2009, at 19:48:26
Thanks to you all for your support & caring. It means a lot to me.
I was okay! I was really glad that a female friend phoned him & since there was room in our car (because his other friends 'bailed') she was with us & we sat together. I put keys etc into my camera bag & just had it over my shoulder when I was dancing. Coat was left on chair & as there was hardly anyone there, it didn't really matter!
When we arrived, the 2 fellows who are the 'organizers' of the Friday nite club event were there, along with my son & the friend. That was IT for the longest time! VERY upsetting for my son. The 2 fellows were spinning also & as with the other time that I went, when 1 of them was spinning, the others were very 'into' it & right there, I guess you could say 'grooving' to the music. I guess we don't say that any more, but to me that's what it was....enjoying it; appreciating the skills, etc.
Of a couple of people drifting in & out, one fellow, stayed & after my son's 'set' asked if he'd teach him to 'spin'.
My son did an AMAZING job. It's the best I've ever heard him spin. He was using different effects with the machine - I guess it's called a 'mixer' with all buttons all over the place. I was really proud of his ability & pleased for him.
I filmed 15 minutes of him spinning & he wants to put it on his Facebook page.Before we left, son had phoned various friends, who'd said they'd be going. One by one, they said they weren't going to go. He was pretty downcast. It's like it was his 'debut' spinning Drum & Bass at a Toronto club & it was a pretty big deal for him. I imagine the sense of betrayal or abandonment must have been pretty awful. Especially because my son is a pretty good friend to people. He's 'been there' for his friends & values being a good friend as an important thing in life.
Before we left home, the friend who was supposed to drive a carload of son's "good friends", phoned to say that he, his GF & 3 others would arrive around 10. Once we got there, he phoned & said that 3 had 'bailed' & just he & his GF would be down. The did arrive & he was VERY upset that the others hadn't come to support my son with their presence. I learned later that my son had offered to cover the entrance fee (of only $6) for all of his friends. So afterwards, his comment was that he couldn't even PAY his friends to come out & hear him spin. OUCH. Pretty painful lesson to learn abaout people, added to even though he doesn't have much money, he bought all his friends Christmas gifts. (I think he got about 3 given to him.)
Anyway, he did a superb job & later 2 more friends arrived. The people who were there told him how much they enjoyed it & were impressed. Also, someone told him that one of the organizers was saying how VERY good he was - so that was nice for him to hear. We ended up driving the 2 guys home (it was right enroute), so that was a good thing. They are passionate about their music, as is my son. Then today, the one of them was in touch with my son, who went down to his house to spin. So THAT's good.But last nite son was very very depressed & hurt & disappointed & I guess bitter.
I did fairly well at observing all that & knowing "this if OK. This is just part of life & it is OK". And I just FELT whatever I was feeling - up to & including during today. I've been noticing that if I try to actually just FEEL what I am feeling, rather than fight it or getting panicked by it, it isn't as intense & it sort of dissipates! I guess it's what mindfulness is about.
I have been worrying somewhat that he'll 'use' due to being so upset. But even in that, I'm doing pretty well in not getting too focused on that.
Thanks again for your support.
hugs, Kath
PS - I guess I do have an ongoing sense of sadness about most of his friends turning out to NOT be as supportive as truly good friends would be.
Posted by Kath on January 17, 2009, at 22:14:47
In reply to ~~~ It'll be fine ~~~~, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2009, at 21:05:05
PS - son thanked me numerous times for coming & for waiting about 10 extra minutes so we could drive the 2 organizer guys home.
Son gave a big long hug saying how much my support meant to him & that he knew he had been the cause of many problems & strife & yet my support is ongoing & means so much to him, etc.
It felt like nice acknowledgement. When he said 'strife' & he was sort of looking for more words & I chucked & said, "yeah - 'strife' works.
Kath
Posted by TexasChic on January 18, 2009, at 0:10:33
In reply to I'm fine; upsetting for him but I'm doing well., posted by Kath on January 17, 2009, at 22:10:45
You know, that reminds me of a situation that happened to me many years ago. This elderly couple at church enjoyed having the youth group over to their house for hamburgers and games. They were just really sweet and the guy had a special recipe for burgers that was just unbelievable. So one night we were all supposed to go over there, and every one of us ended up backing out at the last minute. We all thought all of the others would be there, and our presence wouldn't be that missed. So there they were, these old people, that just wanted to entertain and feed us kids for the evening, with all these hamburgers and food, and nobody showed up! I feel bad about it to THIS DAY!!! But to make a long story short, this could be what happened with your son's friends. Everybody thought everybody else was going. But you're right, its just a part of life, and he has to learn on his own how to deal with it - you can't learn it for him. It sounds like overall it was a pretty good night though. If nothing else, he got in a good practice session before he has to play for a full house!
-T
Posted by obsidian on January 18, 2009, at 0:29:07
In reply to Re: Sorta NERVOUS - going to club to see son 'spin' » Kath, posted by Sigismund on January 16, 2009, at 18:53:15
hey sig,
do you want to adopt me??
;-)
-sid
Posted by obsidian on January 18, 2009, at 0:34:19
In reply to I'm fine; upsetting for him but I'm doing well., posted by Kath on January 17, 2009, at 22:10:45
awww Kath,
I'm sorry his friends weren't more supportive. I've always made it a point to show up when my friends performed, had art shows, whatever.
I hope he can appreciate his skills.
-sid
Posted by Kath on January 18, 2009, at 14:04:32
In reply to Re: I'm fine; upsetting for him but I'm doing well » Kath, posted by TexasChic on January 18, 2009, at 0:10:33
~ ~ ~Thanks for telling me about that TC. I can understand how you'd feel badly about that until this day! I have some things that I still feel badly about after decades.
That's a good point - about everyone thinking that there'd be other people there! It's a different way of thinking about it. Looking at it from a different angle.
He's had to deal with some huge disappointments in his life - the main one being his GF of 3 years dumping him for the guy she got involved with while son was in hospital! THAT was a biggie & he still hasn't healed about it. I'm doing quite well with this new "just FEEL it" thing that I'm doing. It's keeping me from getting what I call 'bent out of shape'. I hope it lasts.
You're right - there were a lot of good things about the evening. For heaven's sake - he could have really messed up! Or the equipment could have conked out. (konked?)
So the evening itself was good. The only bad thing about it had to do with most of his friends not showing up.hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 18, 2009, at 14:11:05
In reply to Re: I'm fine; upsetting for him but I'm doing well. » Kath, posted by obsidian on January 18, 2009, at 0:34:19
> awww Kath,
> I'm sorry his friends weren't more supportive. I've always made it a point to show up when my friends performed, had art shows, whatever.
> I hope he can appreciate his skills.
> -sid~ ~ Thanks sid. you're a sweetie - I'll adopt you if Siggi doesn't! :-)
Yes - he knows he's good!!! LOL He also recognizes that he's improved hugely recently. He says it's probably because he's been spinning most Friday nights on an on-line radio show. It's pretty cool listening to him!! (as a proud parent type of thing) And the other day (can't remember if I posted about this) I was listening to him spinning on that show & all of a sudden I thought something like, 'oh - that's an interesting track' & then I realized that it's one HE MADE himself!!! So it was his own music he was playing. (He makes music on a computer program called Reason).
I can't remember if you have any particular creative interests.....I think that you do, but am not sure.
luv, Kath
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2009, at 21:43:32
In reply to Re: ~~~ It'll be fine ~~~~, posted by Kath on January 17, 2009, at 22:14:47
:-)
It must have felt great to get that acknowledgement.
Posted by Kath on January 19, 2009, at 15:20:26
In reply to Re: ~~~ It'll be fine ~~~~ » Kath, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2009, at 21:43:32
Yeah Dinah - it did feel good...all parts of what he said.
:-) How old is your son now? 11? For some reason that age comes to mind...don't know why.
hugs, Kath
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