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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on October 17, 2009, at 19:05:12
When life gets hard, I just feel like giving up? How about you?
Sigh. I really don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I am a failure in everything that I do.
My Mom is disappointed in me. My whole extended family is probably ashamed of me. I just wish I would die. My Mom would be devastated. Gawd, I could not do that to her.
Ugh. I just wish I could lucid dream for the rest of my life. I'm feeling pretty down right now.
I can't do anything right. My Mom expects me to get my degree next year. By the way things are going right now that is not going to happen. I want to disappear.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 17, 2009, at 20:35:47
In reply to When life gets hard, I just feel like giving up, posted by Deneb on October 17, 2009, at 19:05:12
Advice: what routines that are successful in? just try to think what your good in, that anything that requires mental effort, that is success. Idleness with enjoyment of life is a feeling of "what have i done with my life?". Work up to a Goal.
I do know when mindstates are at their lowest because personally me i feel ashamed to show myself to people, and one thing my family doesnt approve of me, and that's fine you accept it. Find some friends that know the pain, yet sometimes I myself can't make conncetion's because it becomes unstable, or rejection will come time. Sometimes you rerember the past thing's I did, and they bring memory of success, so just 'keep' that memory, and work to a Goal, I wanted to be an actor, went to Acting school, well it was a studio more that teaches you the basic's. Things kinda fell into a state of idleness because of unstableness. Yet, i'm glad sometimes I critize myself before someone else does..that way, i'm perfect.
These are thoughts of shame, discouragement, yet this place may be a good place for support [dr-bob], if you feel uncoformable with other people. You can talk it out here, and other's will see.
improving life....looking to things maybe that are better than they are now. Faith that things will be better is the best, accept the present and know why you are 'critizing' yourself, maybe some of that critism is from the feelings of other's and [well at least I do] critize myself so I'm fine, I improve, yet I feel shame still.
I think when people cry out for help, they want someone there to be with them and feel the pain, kinda like when a mom takes care of baby, trust that someone is there, when there no one there it's abandonment.
One aspect about you is your nice, and you have good intelligence in plants. And also you want to improve, that's something good.
All I can do really, maybe there is group support on babble that can improve, yet the one thing is the motivation to get to another Goal. Some people just need people there, it think. Best to you.
rj
Posted by Dinah on October 18, 2009, at 11:12:28
In reply to When life gets hard, I just feel like giving up, posted by Deneb on October 17, 2009, at 19:05:12
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/921310.html
I believe you in each of these posts. And I hope someday you'll be able to integrate your views of yourself into one whole. Maybe that would be something to work on in therapy?
You talked about dropping one of your classes. If you do that, would you be able to concentrate better on the others? Is a tutor a possibility this year?
Is this what you really want to do with your life, or are you doing what your mother wants you to do? Do you want the life your mother wants for you?
The thing about the past is that it's the past. If you can mitigate the effects of your decision to skip the midterm, by all means do so. But maybe you can also learn from this, so that this situation doesn't come up in the future? Did you maybe take more classes this year than you can handle? Are you feeling angry with your mother or pdoc, both of whom want you to do well in school?
Beating yourself up over this decision isn't all that productive, and in some ways it's a diversion from finding solutions to the bigger issues in your life, don't you think? You can spend time being sucked into an all too powerful whirlpool of shame over what happened, but that takes away energy you could use more productively elsewhere perhaps?
You have a plan. You've asked the professor, you will ask your pdoc, and you have a plan as to what to do if either or both refuse. So... what can you do to make the rest of this semester manageable.
You are capable of working very hard, Deneb. You did very well at your job. You are smart. I've talked to you often enough to know that.
So you can do well, and you will do well. Perhaps in the way your mom wants, and perhaps not. But you have a good understanding of what does and doesn't work well for you. Maybe you can use that to plan out the rest of this semester, and make what changes you need to make?
Posted by Deneb on October 18, 2009, at 14:11:55
In reply to Re: When life gets hard, I just feel like giving up, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on October 17, 2009, at 20:35:47
Thanks for you support rj.
It is a good idea to have goals. I need to make some.
I feel ashamed to show myself to people too. Good advice to find friends who understand.
Posted by Deneb on October 18, 2009, at 14:48:35
In reply to Re: When life gets hard, I just feel like giving up, posted by Dinah on October 18, 2009, at 11:12:28
I hope I'll be able to integrate these parts of myself too. I never really thought about it.
I think I would be better able to concentrate on spectroscopy if I drop med chem. Med chem is way over my head and I just feel like a utter failure in that class.
I am not sure what I want in life. All I know is that most things are too difficult for me. My Mom just wants me to get my degree so I can find a government job. I guess that wouldn't be so bad. Government jobs are highly sought after here in Ottawa. I just have doubts that I will be able to get one and then when I don't I'd disappoint everyone.
My pdoc says learning from my mistakes is the most important thing to do. We can't undo the past. I really did not think I took more classes than I could handle. I really underestimated the amount of apathy I would have. Right now I am pretty sure I am taking more classes than I can handle next semester and I think I will drop some.
I agree that beating myself over this is not helpful. I need to move on, learn from my mistake and just do the best that I can at this point. I know I won't get an A now, but really I don't need to get an A. I just want to pass the class and it is still possible at this point as my midterm was worth 20% of my grade.
I really don't know if I am angry with my Mom or pdoc. I don't think I am, but sometimes I don't really know what my subconscious is thinking.
I have a better understanding of what works and what doesn't work now and I will definitely try to use this info to my advantage. For example, I am finding I definitely need a tutor for all of my classes. I also need to develop a schedule and stick with it.
This is the end of the thread.
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