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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 6:01:43
So, today I told my mother I wanted to go back and get an online degree. The program struck me as kinda shady at first--Christian and online, what?--but they're accredited, people have apparently been able to put their degrees to use, and--here's the real benefit, for me--no proctored exams. Its like a dream come true.
Anyway, I get a chilly reception. She pretended to be distracted by housework and upset about her dye job (she quit her colorist and tried to do her own roots. Didn't work). For once, I saw through the act. I even told her my psychiatrist had suggested I finish my degree, knowing that she would have to acknowledge the wisdom of someone who sees me for 5 minutes every 6 weeks and knows me better than anyone. Still, nothing.
I hung around my parents for a while, watching some football or something. I mentioned the program to my dad. This time I started out by saying my shrink had suggested it, thinking that if they perceive this as therapeutic, then they might be more willing to back me. I even mentioned the Pell Grant and the relatively low tuition and student loans and how I'd be able to finish in 1.5-2 years w/ all my previous credits. Nothing.
I'm so frustrated. My parents seem to want me to live in this little apartment they bought me (which I GREATLY appreciated), get disability, and stay in a dopamine-deprived, Abilify-ied haze for the rest of my days. My mother, a hardcore Calvinist, even suggested I join a Pentecostal Church. So, that's my parents' vision of my life: noxious drugs, government assistance, and My Own Personal Jesus.
Last year, they got me a small apartment in an even smaller, even more Southern town in another state so I could "heal" from...whatever. Whatever it is you heal from by taking high doses of neuroleptics and living away from anyone who knows you. The few people who knew about the arrangement said that I must not have the best parents if that's how they wanted to handle me.
I don't actually need their financial backing for school--between a Pell Grant and small student loans I can do it--but it'd be nice. Nicer still would be some sort of indication that they think I can, in fact, accomplish something with my life. They're both well-educated (1 PhD, 1 Masters). I get the sense that, at 27, with no degree and "bipolar disorder," I'm expected to give up these foolish dreams of education and a real life and accept poverty and isolation with a drugged out smile on my face and a Bible in my hand.
This makes me doubt myself. My parents have never been terribly supportive. I was in all the gifted classes, honors classes, but still...not enough. When I earned relatively high SAT scores, the response I got was "not bad for a white kid from a well-educated, middle-class background." My dad told me I "wasn't very smart," "couldn't think," and that I "need to get a desk job with benefits."
I thought all this was behind us. I'm beginning to think that they never believed I could do a damn thing, and then when I failed in life it was just proof that they'd been right all along, no matter what those pesky tests and teachers had to say.
Please advise.
Posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2011, at 10:37:45
In reply to School. Parents. Frustration., posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 6:01:43
CE I'm really sorry your parents have reacted this way to your news that you wish to pursue a degree. Online or in person doesnt matter. I don't know what they are thinking. Almost sounds from what you just wrote that they sent you to live out of state before and just decided you could come back and live in the same town. Did they say they don't want you to go to school? I know my own bubble popped this weekend also with RN getting license activated as found out salaries not as high as previously thought. But you say you can do it without their approval money wise right? And your doc is behind you also? I know you said you stopped your abilify. Were you acting different this weekend? Voices are there you say but did your parents pick up on it. You sound clear headed in this thread. Phillipa
Posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 11:03:50
In reply to Re: School. Parents. Frustration. » Christ_empowered, posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2011, at 10:37:45
hey, phillipa.
Yeah,one definite downside of being dependent on your parents into adulthood is that they decide your life course. Their dream was for me to move to this oppressive little southern town and get a blue collar job and I guess eke out an existence. When that didn't work, they bought a place and now we're at peace, although apparently part of maintaining that peace means "knowing my place," and my "place" apparently doesn't involve higher education.
I'm happy to be back home. Before I kind of felt like I'd been banished. Now I'm back and I'm feeling much better.
Sorry about the nursing situation. Do you have to do psychiatric nursing? I mean, I don't know how well it pays, but you could do something else. How about hospice nursing? They have certificates/endorsements for end-of-life care now. You could also do something really cool, like be a legal nurse or a health informatics+nursing. Just some random thoughts.
I don't think I've been acting crazy. Less docile, yes, but crazed, no. The voices may always be there, with or without the neuroleptics. By now my Abilify blood levels should have dropped considerably. I know it builds up in the brain so I won't be fully off the Abilify for a while, but I already feel a difference. I'm more clear headed, my concentration is better, I'm not eating as much, I'm more responsive to my environment. Weirdly enough, I'm less anxious.
I'm hoping that the Lamictal will be sufficient to keep me out of a hospital. I was tempted to take an Abilify yesterday. I think I've grown so accustomed to the chemical straight jacket that I confuse normal things--anger, sadness, mood fluctuations--with "symptoms." I'm hoping I can get out of the habit of seeing everything as a "symptom," constantly checking my thought processes for signs of deviance, and just learn to deal with myself.
The Lamictal probably numbs my emotions a bit, but I don't think its nearly as intense as the neuroleptics. Anyway, my main problem has always been low mood with a tendency towards psychosis. The voices may always be with me, but the Lamictal takes the edge off both the hallucinations and the low mood, so that's good. Its also unlikely to trigger mania or worsen the psychosis, so its definitely better than taking a reuptake inhibitor. Also, antidepressants numb my emotions considerably more than the Lamictal does.
Posted by emmanuel98 on October 24, 2011, at 18:07:26
In reply to Re: School. Parents. Frustration., posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 11:03:50
You're 27 and love your parents and depend on them to some degree. But you are certainly old enough to live your own life and make your own decisions. So they are not thrilled about your idea. You can still pursue it.
I do think you should investigate the program more. On-line courses require a lot a discipline and are unrewarding, since you don't get the benefit of interacting with professors and students. Is there a pulbic college nearby where you could actually take face-to-face classes?
Posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2011, at 19:35:57
In reply to Re: School. Parents. Frustration., posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 11:03:50
Hey CE sorry back on so late was out for a while. As for the psychiatric nursing used to love it. Seriously depresses me to deal with death would be horrible at hospice would eat at me. I used to do malpractice expert wittness testimony in VA when lived there. But when haven't workied in a number of years tough to do that as not familiar with latest policies etc.
Okay I agree with Emmanuel on doing what's best for you and you have a fabulous brain and so intelligent. I've known you online for years. I have a neighbor Daughter just finished RN school near you. Working also in your state. I still see the ads for Phoenix college on internet for medical and I think once looked into it for a BSN but didn't pursue it. I think all online except in the summer it's campus. Could you manage that? So that would be at home other than two months a year if still the same. I bet you would make an excellent psych Tech as requires a Bachelors in any subject pay not as high as RN but a start? You did mention human resources at one time or am I wrong? Anyway you sound really clear headed to me. I hate to say it but sounds like the Southern Bible Belt philosophy with parents. Bet you can do it on your own!!!! Love Phillipa
Posted by Shes_InItForTheMoney on October 26, 2011, at 11:52:07
In reply to School. Parents. Frustration., posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 6:01:43
> So, today I told my mother I wanted to go back and get an online degree. The program struck me as kinda shady at first--Christian and online, what?--but they're accredited, people have apparently been able to put their degrees to use, and--here's the real benefit, for me--no proctored exams. Its like a dream come true.
>
> Anyway, I get a chilly reception. She pretended to be distracted by housework and upset about her dye job (she quit her colorist and tried to do her own roots. Didn't work). For once, I saw through the act. I even told her my psychiatrist had suggested I finish my degree, knowing that she would have to acknowledge the wisdom of someone who sees me for 5 minutes every 6 weeks and knows me better than anyone. Still, nothing.
>
> I hung around my parents for a while, watching some football or something. I mentioned the program to my dad. This time I started out by saying my shrink had suggested it, thinking that if they perceive this as therapeutic, then they might be more willing to back me. I even mentioned the Pell Grant and the relatively low tuition and student loans and how I'd be able to finish in 1.5-2 years w/ all my previous credits. Nothing.
>
> I'm so frustrated. My parents seem to want me to live in this little apartment they bought me (which I GREATLY appreciated), get disability, and stay in a dopamine-deprived, Abilify-ied haze for the rest of my days. My mother, a hardcore Calvinist, even suggested I join a Pentecostal Church. So, that's my parents' vision of my life: noxious drugs, government assistance, and My Own Personal Jesus.
>
> Last year, they got me a small apartment in an even smaller, even more Southern town in another state so I could "heal" from...whatever. Whatever it is you heal from by taking high doses of neuroleptics and living away from anyone who knows you. The few people who knew about the arrangement said that I must not have the best parents if that's how they wanted to handle me.
>
> I don't actually need their financial backing for school--between a Pell Grant and small student loans I can do it--but it'd be nice. Nicer still would be some sort of indication that they think I can, in fact, accomplish something with my life. They're both well-educated (1 PhD, 1 Masters). I get the sense that, at 27, with no degree and "bipolar disorder," I'm expected to give up these foolish dreams of education and a real life and accept poverty and isolation with a drugged out smile on my face and a Bible in my hand.
>
> This makes me doubt myself. My parents have never been terribly supportive. I was in all the gifted classes, honors classes, but still...not enough. When I earned relatively high SAT scores, the response I got was "not bad for a white kid from a well-educated, middle-class background." My dad told me I "wasn't very smart," "couldn't think," and that I "need to get a desk job with benefits."
>
> I thought all this was behind us. I'm beginning to think that they never believed I could do a damn thing, and then when I failed in life it was just proof that they'd been right all along, no matter what those pesky tests and teachers had to say.
>
> Please advise.
>
>Go for the degree, but make sure you check out that the occupation is in HIGH demand and will pay you back. After reading latest career trends, people in physical and some health sciences are in very high demand. I am going back to get my degree in Nursing, and I am almost 42! But, here in Ontario, it's one of the few high in-demand jobs that also pay well. It is going to take me a lot of work, because my past education is in Social Work. Science and math never came 'easy' to me, but once I apply myself, I do good.
I hope that gives you a bit of inspiration and support. You are still so young!
Best,
Jay
Posted by hyperfocus on October 26, 2011, at 13:08:02
In reply to School. Parents. Frustration., posted by Christ_empowered on October 24, 2011, at 6:01:43
I dunno man, I wish I could tell you something useful. All I can think of is maybe they're comfortable with the way things are now. I guess as much as parents want us to succeed, a part of them always wishes they have you close by and as part of the family just like when you were younger. Do you have brothers and sisters? Maybe they're just scared for you to strike out on your own again and get into more difficulties.
I don't think a lot of people either here on PB or in the wider world have a simple loving relationship with their parents. I was estranged from my mother for almost 2 decades, before I was able to see her as not evil incarnate but just another person with deep flaws. But I do know that fighting this illness requires every resource you can muster. You need your parents to support you unconditionally in these difficult times. You could just go "Lillies in the Fields" mode and tell them that you're their son and they OWE you everything they can give you, regardless of the circumstances.
This is the end of the thread.
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