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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by no rose garden on May 15, 2013, at 20:38:06
I just found out that my only 2 friends here have a crush on each other (well...at least one way for sure, but i think the other one does too)...but they can't do anything b/c it's not appropriate (age and workwise). I had a huge crush on the guy beore...and I don't like this at all..I'm jealous and I hate both of them now, but they're my only 2 friends. I don't understand why nobody has a crush on me ever. I think i'll be alone forever and everybody will always hate me. I'm weird and i'm a horrible communicator. I shouldn't even be allowed to be around anybody. :/
Posted by SLS on May 16, 2013, at 0:36:43
In reply to i hate people, posted by no rose garden on May 15, 2013, at 20:38:06
> I just found out that my only 2 friends here have a crush on each other (well...at least one way for sure, but i think the other one does too)...but they can't do anything b/c it's not appropriate (age and workwise). I had a huge crush on the guy beore...and I don't like this at all..I'm jealous and I hate both of them now, but they're my only 2 friends. I don't understand why nobody has a crush on me ever. I think i'll be alone forever and everybody will always hate me. I'm weird and i'm a horrible communicator. I shouldn't even be allowed to be around anybody. :/
I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. That is a heartbreaking predicament that you find yourself in.
I have no magically transformative advice for you, but I appreciate how you feel.
I think you communicated yourself quite well here.
I think I understand the hurt, frustration, and anger in the words that you direct at yourself as self-loathing. Maybe today is just a particularly bad day? I don't know. I doubt the world would be better were you to quarantine yourself from it.
- Scott
Posted by sleepygirl2 on May 16, 2013, at 22:27:37
In reply to i hate people, posted by no rose garden on May 15, 2013, at 20:38:06
I think you're awesome.
I'm sorry you're hurting. :-(
-Sid
Posted by no rose garden on May 17, 2013, at 17:11:32
In reply to Re: i hate people » no rose garden, posted by sleepygirl2 on May 16, 2013, at 22:27:37
i thought they were going on a date because they both have a date on the same day and were being very cryptic about it.
I told guy friend how i felt and he got really upset and told me all the things he hates about me and then said he doesn't feel like i care about him and that i'm using him and our relationship feels more like he's my therapist than friend. and our friendship is broken. I apologized so much...but no i realize that maybe he's at fault quite a bit here...especially for waiting so long to tell me how he felt.
I'm not really sure what to do. This is only my 2nd friend since T told me to let ppl know how i feel....i guess i shouldn't always do that....I'm letting him cool down right now...but I don't know if it's worth it....but we also work together...so it would b really awkward :/
Posted by sleepygirl2 on May 18, 2013, at 18:46:07
In reply to update - losing a friend, posted by no rose garden on May 17, 2013, at 17:11:32
How's it going?
Posted by no rose garden on May 18, 2013, at 20:25:43
In reply to Re: update - losing a friend » no rose garden, posted by sleepygirl2 on May 18, 2013, at 18:46:07
i've had no friends before..i just have to get used to it again i guess
Posted by sleepygirl2 on May 18, 2013, at 22:16:11
In reply to Re: update - losing a friend, posted by no rose garden on May 18, 2013, at 20:25:43
You know, I'm comfortable with not having friends too.
I know that it's sometimes easier not to have to bother caring what anyone thinks about me. If I'm friends with someone, then I have to worry about them deciding the don't like me.
You relate to that??
Posted by Dinah on May 19, 2013, at 12:01:13
In reply to Re: update - losing a friend, posted by no rose garden on May 18, 2013, at 20:25:43
Maybe it isn't the idea of either having a friend or not having a friend. Maybe the idea of "having a friend" can mean different things.
It is possible to have a friend that you can say anything in the world to. Soulmates.
But it's also possible to have friendships that are limited to what they are, but can still be enjoyable.
From what I understood by what you said, this was a situation where the two of you might have seen the degree of friendship differently. It's possible that this particular friendship can't be re-established. Who knows? It's possible that over time, a friendly relationship may be rebuilt. Or not. But there could be things you could learn from this friendship.
I think therapists overdo the whole sharing bit. Sure, in an intimate relationship, it's very good to share your thoughts and feelings nearly always. But in a less intimate friendship, it might be better to limit disclosure until reciprocity is there. If you're usually the one disclosing, it might be a sign to step back.
It does hurt to be with other people. It hurts to think we have something with someone that they don't think we have. I have definitely grown more guarded over time as I've felt hurt. Perhaps too much so.
But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. The inbetween isn't bad, really.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on May 19, 2013, at 13:44:06
In reply to Re: update - losing a friend » no rose garden, posted by Dinah on May 19, 2013, at 12:01:13
Dinah, you found some words I was looking for.
:-)
> Maybe it isn't the idea of either having a friend or not having a friend. Maybe the idea of "having a friend" can mean different things.This is very true.
>
> It is possible to have a friend that you can say anything in the world to. Soulmates.Those are few and far between, and hard to find. I'm very careful about that. There has to be some basic qualities within the person. They have to have integrity, morality, compassion, and consistency. I can't take that liking me one minute thing and not the next.
Maybe, rose, it could be helpful to think of what you want in the other person, as opposed to the idea that you're deficient in some way. What do they have to offer you?
And, I'm always trying to remember that it's good if not everyone likes you, because it means you stand for something or you are who you are despite the changing winds.
>
> But it's also possible to have friendships that are limited to what they are, but can still be enjoyable.I have people I'm just friendly with, not much more than that. They've been confined to work or school, and not much beyond that. It takes a lot for me to feel really connected to someone.
>
> From what I understood by what you said, this was a situation where the two of you might have seen the degree of friendship differently. It's possible that this particular friendship can't be re-established. Who knows? It's possible that over time, a friendly relationship may be rebuilt. Or not. But there could be things you could learn from this friendship.>
> I think therapists overdo the whole sharing bit. Sure, in an intimate relationship, it's very good to share your thoughts and feelings nearly always. But in a less intimate friendship, it might be better to limit disclosure until reciprocity is there. If you're usually the one disclosing, it might be a sign to step back.
>
> It does hurt to be with other people. It hurts to think we have something with someone that they don't think we have. I have definitely grown more guarded over time as I've felt hurt. Perhaps too much so.I'm very careful. It's a risk to put yourself out there. I say, do it in degrees, manage your expectations, put yourself in situations where you're likely to interact, but are also focused on other things.... Like continuing Ed classes,, book clubs, stuff like that.
>
> But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. The inbetween isn't bad, really.
This is the end of the thread.
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