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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Christ_empowered on January 26, 2015, at 20:53:36
...no one around here respects me. Men are more vocal, of course, but...I've gotten comments from plenty of women around here, too, especially in my neighborhood.
My parents moved up in the world. Depsite everything, including my age (30), they let me stay here, in their rather nice house. I receive SSI, which goes to my father. Medicaid covers my rather expensive prescriptions (the Abilify is the really, really expensive ones...the other 2 are generic) and my treatment.
I get to do online college. I transferred in about 70 credits from way back when. I'm doing well.
My ex-mental health "professionals" despise me. There have been HIPPAA violations. Apparently, I was/am too "uppity" (its the South, y'alL!). My current treatment providers are supportive and seem to care, to a point.
My diagnosis is officially Bipolar I w/psychotic features. The townies have voted me "Schizophrenic," apparently because of "poor life choices."
I get to do Orthomolecular. If nothing else, it keeps me calm(er) and reduces AAP side effects (I'm prone to twitches and dysphoria).
I dream again. Age 20, after round 1 of involuntary ECT, I went for years without dreaming. I think I can remember 2 nights, over about 2.5 years, when the dark void was enlivened by dreams. Most nights, I simply wasn't conscious, consumed by darkness.
I have bright eyes. Actually, weirdly enough, my eyes are brighter than pre-psychiatric treatment. I hear that they sometimes "sparkle." Progress. Divine favor.
I can (and have to) think of a future in which I'm more autonomous, possibly fully autonomous, maybe by age 35, and perhaps not around here. Dreams and daydreams and hopes and wishes...
...all were absent before my recovery began. At best, I had fragments, shattered pieces of an old self, old hopes, old dreams. I'm a completely different person now. Older, wiser, more joyful yet also largely disillusioned.
My recovery is partly just that, recovery, and largely something else entirely...transformation may well be the best word.
Posted by Tomatheus on January 26, 2015, at 22:21:34
In reply to so..this is what my recovery looks like..., posted by Christ_empowered on January 26, 2015, at 20:53:36
Christ_empowered,
I like the optimistic outlook that you seem to have, despite the seeming lack of respect that some in your neighborhood seem to have toward you. Imagining a better future and doing the work that needs to be done to create a better future (which it sounds like you're doing by taking online courses) are, I think, vital to recovering from a serious mental illness. And I think that you're also doing a good thing by writing about your recovery, for writing here about recovery serves as a reminder to those of us who might not be so far along with the recovery process that people seriously affected by mental illness can go on to lead lives that have some semblance of meaning to them. Optimism can be contagious. Thank you for passing it on to us.
Tomatheus
Posted by ed_uk2010 on January 27, 2015, at 19:09:47
In reply to so..this is what my recovery looks like..., posted by Christ_empowered on January 26, 2015, at 20:53:36
>...no one around here respects me.
Might it be fair to say that many people in your neighborhood don't really know you all that well, and might not have any strong opinions about you one way or another?
Perhaps people would come to respect you if they did get to know you?
Most people are too busy worrying about themselves to give more than superficial respect to others, apart from their close friends and family (hopefully). People outside this group don't get much thought.
Posted by Angela2 on January 29, 2015, at 18:03:41
In reply to Re: so..this is what my recovery looks like... » Christ_empowered, posted by ed_uk2010 on January 27, 2015, at 19:09:47
> >...no one around here respects me.
>
> Might it be fair to say that many people in your neighborhood don't really know you all that well, and might not have any strong opinions about you one way or another?
>
> Perhaps people would come to respect you if they did get to know you?
>
> Most people are too busy worrying about themselves to give more than superficial respect to others, apart from their close friends and family (hopefully). People outside this group don't get much thought.Ed_Uk, I like that you said this. I myself have difficulty with this kind of stuff. Also, Christ Empowered, I'm glad you're feeling optimistic about yourself and your recovery. That's good! Your eyes sparkle do they?? That's awesome to hear.
Posted by JayOriginal2nd on January 29, 2015, at 21:24:29
In reply to so..this is what my recovery looks like..., posted by Christ_empowered on January 26, 2015, at 20:53:36
That is excellent news! Some advice I got from a friend who is also a semi-popular musician, is that TIME fly's like hell on wheels. Don't waste those precious years. Take what is offered/given to you NOW. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the word 'settle'. You will never get the minute and hours back. Your life is going to change drastically when you get to middle age...esp between 40-50. Best of wishes...
Jay
This is the end of the thread.
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