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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 26, 2015, at 19:44:50
I'm free.
People say Congratulations, and How are you going to celebrate.
This is nothing to celebrate. To wonder if, for 15 years, we had completely different ideas of what love and compassion meant. I am so sorry it took me this to find my way out.
But I have been able to see (yes, I closed my eyes and saw this) a threshold. My right foot already over it. Behind me. Lay ruins. In front of me, a healthy, green forest. I've crossed the threshold.
Posted by SLS on October 27, 2015, at 0:59:02
In reply to Divorced, posted by ClearSkies on October 26, 2015, at 19:44:50
> I'm free.
>
> People say Congratulations, and How are you going to celebrate.
>
> This is nothing to celebrate. To wonder if, for 15 years, we had completely different ideas of what love and compassion meant. I am so sorry it took me this to find my way out.
>
> But I have been able to see (yes, I closed my eyes and saw this) a threshold. My right foot already over it. Behind me. Lay ruins. In front of me, a healthy, green forest. I've crossed the threshold.You sound healthier.
Were you surprised by your emotional reaction?
I felt sadness after my divorce, even though I knew that it was what was best for the both of us. I felt that I had been freed from a marriage that I felt trapped in. However, this was in no way the fault of my spouse. She treated me very well.
- Scott
Posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2015, at 15:11:29
In reply to Re: Divorced, posted by SLS on October 27, 2015, at 0:59:02
I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to have any anticipations. I was surprised at the rage and dislike that radiated off of my ex in the courtroom. I felt threatened and overwhelmingly sad.
At each break, I sobbed and hyperventilated from the effort to remain passive and neutral in front of the judge - and my ex.
Mostly, his lack of compassion for those with memtal illness and the "snap out of it" attitude that suffused our marriage permeated my memories. I was retraumatised by the process.
So to have that vision of leaving ruins behind me was extremely comforting. To know that I actually have shed an adversary.
Few good memories.
Posted by baseball55 on October 27, 2015, at 19:18:54
In reply to Re: Divorced » SLS, posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2015, at 15:11:29
Thought I posted this, but I guess I didn't hit the send button.
I'm happy for you and wish you well in your new life. I left my husband a bit over a year ago and found it very hard at first and a very hard decision to make. But now I just feel relief. He was hurtful and hated the fact that I had gotten depressed (though I had been in remission for nearly three years). I felt like I had to walk on eggshells and apologize to him constantly for upsetting his life by having needs of my own.
Now I am free to feel what I feel and do what I want to do. I'm so much happier.
Posted by no rose garden on October 27, 2015, at 19:32:01
In reply to Re: Divorced, posted by baseball55 on October 27, 2015, at 19:18:54
I'm sorry you had to go through that CS. Be kind to yourself.
To be honest...this all makes me scared to think about ever getting married.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2015, at 23:12:21
In reply to Re: Divorced, posted by baseball55 on October 27, 2015, at 19:18:54
> Thought I posted this, but I guess I didn't hit the send button.
>
> I'm happy for you and wish you well in your new life. I left my husband a bit over a year ago and found it very hard at first and a very hard decision to make. But now I just feel relief. He was hurtful and hated the fact that I had gotten depressed (though I had been in remission for nearly three years). I felt like I had to walk on eggshells and apologize to him constantly for upsetting his life by having needs of my own.
>
> Now I am free to feel what I feel and do what I want to do. I'm so much happier.I remember when you posted that you'd left. I walked those same eggshells, although my depression, anxiety and PTSD are still quite active.
I am glad that I have established a place of my own. That I have family closeby (this past year was harrowing qith my uncle's health issues). I'm relieved for this to be over.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2015, at 23:14:59
In reply to Re: Divorced, posted by no rose garden on October 27, 2015, at 19:32:01
> I'm sorry you had to go through that CS. Be kind to yourself.
>
> To be honest...this all makes me scared to think about ever getting married.Please don't be afraid. This is my second failed marriage - and I had never lived on my own until now. I'm 53. I don't know for certain, but I wonder if things might have been different if I'd been older and had a life of my own before marrying.
Posted by SLS on October 28, 2015, at 0:31:59
In reply to Re: Divorced » SLS, posted by ClearSkies on October 27, 2015, at 15:11:29
> I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to have any anticipations. I was surprised at the rage and dislike that radiated off of my ex in the courtroom. I felt threatened and overwhelmingly sad.
>
> At each break, I sobbed and hyperventilated from the effort to remain passive and neutral in front of the judge - and my ex.
>
> Mostly, his lack of compassion for those with memtal illness and the "snap out of it" attitude that suffused our marriage permeated my memories. I was retraumatised by the process.How horrific.
You are a strong person.
- Scott
Posted by Poet on October 28, 2015, at 10:29:03
In reply to Divorced, posted by ClearSkies on October 26, 2015, at 19:44:50
Hi CS,
I'm so sorry that your now officially ex-husband was still able to put you through the emotional wringer in Court. Keep moving forward, if you look back there is no giant eyeball in the rear view mirror.
And of course the hardest cyber slap in history to his head and his attorney's head for not telling him to stay quiet.
Poet
Posted by ClearSkies on October 28, 2015, at 11:37:57
In reply to Re: Divorced » ClearSkies, posted by Poet on October 28, 2015, at 10:29:03
Thank you, Poet.
I can't imagine the exchange between the two afterwards.
Posted by Lamdage22 on May 30, 2016, at 8:46:40
In reply to Re: Divorced » Poet, posted by ClearSkies on October 28, 2015, at 11:37:57
I never got over the divorce of my parents. Its childish but i wish theyd still be together. Its not like they are very happy. They struggle and since what i call effexor poopout they have even more problems.
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