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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 8:50:52
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
I have [xxx] so there's no turning back, my dogs lead to hang my self with, a serious amount of diazepam, zopiclone and antihistamines [xxx]. Now for a crate full of beer and a few spliffs which I will seriously enjoy before taking this final step.
Got some [xxx].
I've cleaned my room so nobody has to clean up after me.
I think I'm ready.
Now to get drunk and stoned and read some Nietzsche or Robert Anton Wilson, then watch a couple of episodes of House to make me smile.
I really needed to share this with somebody, I'm so sorry if I irritated anybody, :-)
Have fun you beautiful people, get of the meds and get out there and live your miracle lives.
Posted by Deneb on October 26, 2009, at 16:02:07
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 8:50:52
Hey Impermanence,
Can you postpone taking your life for a bit? Until you get some help and see if you still feel the same way? I wouldn't want you to make a hasty decision as serious as suicide.
Anything you want to talk about? It might help to talk about things.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on October 26, 2009, at 16:11:23
In reply to Re: suicide » impermanence, posted by Deneb on October 26, 2009, at 16:02:07
I used to feel like wanting to die all the time, but I don't feel that way anymore. I think there will come a day when you don't want to die anymore.
Besides, you'll die soon enough. Life is pretty short. The years go by quickly. Aren't you curious about what is around the corner? How about making the most of the time you do have on Earth and die when it is your time?
I remember you posting to me 5 years ago when I first came to Babble. You really got through to me and I remembered you. Your life makes a difference to other people. People can find great joy in helping others. Can you try finding meaning in life by helping others?
Deneb
Posted by Lou Pilder on October 26, 2009, at 16:59:05
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
> I'm going to hang myself today. I'm going tp use my beautiful fogs lead on the rafters in our garage.
>
> This will be my fifth attempt, my last attempt was seven years ago when I botched up cutting my arteries and my poor mother found me unconscious in a bathtub full of blood.
>
> Funny thing is life is going very well for me right now, but I just can't shake my boredom and tiredness of it all.
>
> I can't stop drinking, I can't sleep, I don't leave my house any more, I can't stop smoking weed even though I'm developing what could be described as psychosis.
>
> I suffer from avoidance personality disorder, a hyper awareness and hyper sensitivity to even the slightest criticism.
>
> I feel ridiculed and humiliated every time I go out and for no apparent reason.
>
> I've stockpiled diazepam and zopiclone to numb the fear.
>
> I'm so tired of being afraid.
>
> I've had enough.
>
> I just wanted to communicate this with somebody before my parents leave for work.
>
> I just felt the need for human contact from people who understand mental torment before I go through with this.
>
> Thank you for listening.Impermanence,
You wrote,[...contact from people who...].
Well, I am unsure as to if you just want contact or if you are wanting dialog with,[...people who...] or somwething else.
I would like to have dialog with you here and present to you something that perhaps is unbeknownst to you.
Lou
Posted by maxime on October 26, 2009, at 17:30:56
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
Please don't do this. You haven't been very successful in the past so obviously suicide isn't right for you. I've attemted 6 times and failed miserable. I am taking it as a sign.
My babble mail is on. Use it.
Posted by maxime on October 26, 2009, at 17:37:01
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by maxime on October 26, 2009, at 17:30:56
I'm going to walk my dog to clean my head. I hope when I return that there will a Babble Mail from you.
Posted by BayLeaf on October 26, 2009, at 17:47:07
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
You are going to put this off a bit more because if simply not ok with us. I don't even know you! And I want to. I want to understand how things got this bad.
Substance abuse board?? Jeepers. It's ghost town here. Bmail me if you don't wanna post. I have some experience with both topics, substance abuse, and suicide.
I'm here.
Bay
Posted by maxime on October 26, 2009, at 18:27:28
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
How are you doing now? Are you still getting through the beers?
Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 21:36:42
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
> I'm going to hang myself today. I'm going tp use my beautiful fogs lead on the rafters in our garage.
>
> This will be my fifth attempt, my last attempt was seven years ago when I botched up cutting my arteries and my poor mother found me unconscious in a bathtub full of blood.
>
> Funny thing is life is going very well for me right now, but I just can't shake my boredom and tiredness of it all.
>
> I can't stop drinking, I can't sleep, I don't leave my house any more, I can't stop smoking weed even though I'm developing what could be described as psychosis.
>
> I suffer from avoidance personality disorder, a hyper awareness and hyper sensitivity to even the slightest criticism.
>
> I feel ridiculed and humiliated every time I go out and for no apparent reason.
>
> I've stockpiled diazepam and zopiclone to numb the fear.
>
> I'm so tired of being afraid.
>
> I've had enough.
>
> I just wanted to communicate this with somebody before my parents leave for work.
>
> I just felt the need for human contact from people who understand mental torment before I go through with this.
>
> Thank you for listening.All the problems you talk off can be helped!
All the problems you talk of make you so very human!I have HEARD OF MANY WITH SIMILAR PROBLEMS WHO ARE NOW LIVING A VERY HAPPY LIFE....
Believe me, THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY!!
NO MATTER HOW BAD OR STRANGE OR DESTITUTE OR ANGRY YOU FEEL, THIS WILL PASS!
1. Tell family/friends and your doctor IMMEDIATELY about this. Tell them everything.
2. Focus on getting well!
You KNOW people care about you, and you deserve to feel happy, but virtue of being human!
STAY ALIVE
Ace
Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 21:40:27
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
> I'm going to hang myself today. I'm going tp use my beautiful fogs lead on the rafters in our garage.
>
> This will be my fifth attempt, my last attempt was seven years ago when I botched up cutting my arteries and my poor mother found me unconscious in a bathtub full of blood.
>
> Funny thing is life is going very well for me right now, but I just can't shake my boredom and tiredness of it all.
>
> I can't stop drinking, I can't sleep, I don't leave my house any more, I can't stop smoking weed even though I'm developing what could be described as psychosis.
>
> I suffer from avoidance personality disorder, a hyper awareness and hyper sensitivity to even the slightest criticism.
>
> I feel ridiculed and humiliated every time I go out and for no apparent reason.
>
> I've stockpiled diazepam and zopiclone to numb the fear.
>
> I'm so tired of being afraid.
>
> I've had enough.
>
> I just wanted to communicate this with somebody before my parents leave for work.
>
> I just felt the need for human contact from people who understand mental torment before I go through with this.
>
> Thank you for listening.Dr. Bob...can you locate this poster via personal email
Posted by cactus on October 26, 2009, at 21:49:17
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by maxime on October 26, 2009, at 18:27:28
Hey there, fellow alcoholic here, sober for 2.5 years. I too have tried and failed what you are about to do. Just stop, call an ambulance and go. I know this might sound stupid but take things one day at a time. Today, you have called for help on here, so pick up the phone and call for help right where you are, right now. It's easy, just pick up the phone and dial. Tomorrow, you can reassess, but for now pick up the phone and call for and ambulance OK.
Your will is stronger than you think. I won't lie to you but hey, I still have trouble leaving the house, I'm super sensitive too, you wrote, "live your lives", I'd really like you to do that too.
Now pick up the phone so you can. Asking for help is hard but you have already done that here and I'd really like you to reciprocate that there.
Just call
Posted by TexasChic on October 26, 2009, at 22:02:48
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by cactus on October 26, 2009, at 21:49:17
Please write and let us know you are okay! There are many people here who care what happens to you. Many of us have been there and may understand in ways you never thought someone could. Please communicate with us!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
Hi although we haven't communicated via e-mail I stand by your side to support you in getting help. It appears you posted this thread late last night which country you living in? I once also drank dry 15 years. Suicide isn't the answer. And of course if you have been around babble you know me. Please babblemail me. I do care. I have a feeling you live in England? Am I right? Love Phillipa and suicide isn't the answer. write me okay?
Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:09:28
In reply to Re: suicide » Impermanence, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35
> Hi although we haven't communicated via e-mail I stand by your side to support you in getting help. It appears you posted this thread late last night which country you living in? I once also drank dry 15 years. Suicide isn't the answer. And of course if you have been around babble you know me. Please babblemail me. I do care. I have a feeling you live in England? Am I right? Love Phillipa and suicide isn't the answer. write me okay?
have you seen this person posting here before much?
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:12:57
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:09:28
Ace don't frequent this board has anyone notified admin as can be traced by Bob if he is around? Love Phillipa
Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23
In reply to Re: suicide » ace, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:12:57
> Ace don't frequent this board has anyone notified admin as can be traced by Bob if he is around? Love Phillipa
I contacted Dr. Bob, also i think someone else did too....
Ace:)
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:22:49
In reply to Re: suicide » Phillipa, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23
Ace I did also and just posted to l0der even though she's no longer a deputy thought she could get him. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:28:41
In reply to Re: suicide » Phillipa, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23
Ace the poster posted a lot in 2004-2005 just googled above. Love Phillipa
Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:34:43
In reply to Re: suicide » ace, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:28:41
> Ace the poster posted a lot in 2004-2005 just googled above. Love Phillipa
Thanks very much Phillipa.
I am very concerned about this.Ace
Posted by Justherself54 on October 26, 2009, at 23:00:54
In reply to Re: suicide » Impermanence, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35
Please reach out..there are many here who want to help and support..please..
Posted by manic666 on October 27, 2009, at 5:53:44
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Justherself54 on October 26, 2009, at 23:00:54
kill yourself , you will kill your parents.They will never get over it, Do you want to hurt them for the rest of there lives.
Posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
I'm still alive.
I'm so surprised at the amount of beautiful supporting comments I've received.
I rang a suicide helpline yesterday and spoke to a wonderful, intelligent, highly compassionate and empathic 70 year old man for two hours. He advised me to hold of an talking any more diazepam which is the emotionally numbing crap that created such apathy and a need to die in the first place.
He asked me to keep ringing back every two hours, which I did.
Today I still have a lot of drink, weed and diazepam in my bedroom, I really want to get drunk again today.
I just bumped into my father in the hallway and he ranted about me being acting strangely lately, he was unnecessarily aggressive, very intimidating, not realising he's an abusive bulling bastard and has pushed me around my whole life, and even beaten me numerous times just because I was quietly drinking in my bedroom minding my own business, and he wonders why I'm so nervous and need sedatives, beer and weed to cope. He doesn't have the capacity to understand I'm a very sensitive artistic sort of chap, not the hard *ss sports man he was, he seriously lacks wisdom and intelligence, and just cannot understand the reality and magnitude of this situation.
It's not his fault, he was bullied all his life also by his abusive father, and I'm also adopted, not the same genes, we're like chalk and cheese.
I'm still pondering what to do, I'd love to be able to cry but I feel so emotionally withdrawn, I cheer myself up by listening to Chopin, watching 30 Rock and understanding as soon as I stop drinking and get back in the gym, everything will be fine.
But what's the point really? Infinite nothingness seems so attractive right now, a few minutes of panic as I loose consciousness and the peace, no more fear.
I don't know, I'm a little confused right now, but I did survive yesterday and knowing you beautiful people on this forum give a sh*t and understand really makes me feel warm inside. Thank you so much for your kind words.
And again I'm so sorry if I upset any of you, I really didn't intend to.
BTW what is babble mail? An email client for this forum? I have no idea. I may use it if somebody would be kind enough to explain.
Namaste.
Posted by seldomseen on October 27, 2009, at 9:38:55
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
I am so glad you decided to stay with us.
So many people understand and struggle with the same things you do, you are not alone, and you are not weird.
Well, if you are weird, then we all are! Welcome!
Thank you so so much for reaching out.
As far as babblemail, mine has always been on and I have no idea how to turn it on.
I'm sure someone will come along and tell you how to do it though.
Thank you again. Thank you.
Seldom.
Posted by TenMan on October 27, 2009, at 12:04:51
In reply to Oh Hallelujah!, posted by seldomseen on October 27, 2009, at 9:38:55
Impermanence,
I am so relieved to hear you are still alive. I often fall into bouts of nihilistic despair in my life and the weight of such a concept and feeling can be crushing to the spirit. I have found that no drug, legal or illegal, is able to remove these feelings, they only band-aid them for a short while.
You know though I have managed to find true peace and meaning. Did you know that the teachings of the Buddha and Christ are very similar? Both taught that the external world was full of pain and distraught, and that true peace and meaning are found by throwing off the self and finding it inward. It is there, and I know you can find it as well if you would just try once. My hope for you is that you would look inward, in quiet contemplation and pray, it doesn't have to be to anyone, or thing, in particular, just pray. Pray for strength, peace and love. I will pray for you to find these things. Take care.
Posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 12:10:26
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
Impermanence,
I am crying now reading all this but I know you did what you needed to by reaching out. I dont know you but I care about you and I want you to LIVE. I have thought about suicide too but never went to actually attempting it. I tell you this so you know how many of Babblers understand and we want to help you. I have my bmail on and you can always bmail me. We all want to support you.
take care, and know you are loved. I am still crying for you, both saddened about how you feel but gladdened you are still here.
Live for us, until you can live for yourself. OK?Rsk
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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