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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 19 to 43 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:28:41
In reply to Re: suicide » Phillipa, posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:14:23
Ace the poster posted a lot in 2004-2005 just googled above. Love Phillipa
Posted by ace on October 26, 2009, at 22:34:43
In reply to Re: suicide » ace, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:28:41
> Ace the poster posted a lot in 2004-2005 just googled above. Love Phillipa
Thanks very much Phillipa.
I am very concerned about this.Ace
Posted by Justherself54 on October 26, 2009, at 23:00:54
In reply to Re: suicide » Impermanence, posted by Phillipa on October 26, 2009, at 22:07:35
Please reach out..there are many here who want to help and support..please..
Posted by manic666 on October 27, 2009, at 5:53:44
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Justherself54 on October 26, 2009, at 23:00:54
kill yourself , you will kill your parents.They will never get over it, Do you want to hurt them for the rest of there lives.
Posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
I'm still alive.
I'm so surprised at the amount of beautiful supporting comments I've received.
I rang a suicide helpline yesterday and spoke to a wonderful, intelligent, highly compassionate and empathic 70 year old man for two hours. He advised me to hold of an talking any more diazepam which is the emotionally numbing crap that created such apathy and a need to die in the first place.
He asked me to keep ringing back every two hours, which I did.
Today I still have a lot of drink, weed and diazepam in my bedroom, I really want to get drunk again today.
I just bumped into my father in the hallway and he ranted about me being acting strangely lately, he was unnecessarily aggressive, very intimidating, not realising he's an abusive bulling bastard and has pushed me around my whole life, and even beaten me numerous times just because I was quietly drinking in my bedroom minding my own business, and he wonders why I'm so nervous and need sedatives, beer and weed to cope. He doesn't have the capacity to understand I'm a very sensitive artistic sort of chap, not the hard *ss sports man he was, he seriously lacks wisdom and intelligence, and just cannot understand the reality and magnitude of this situation.
It's not his fault, he was bullied all his life also by his abusive father, and I'm also adopted, not the same genes, we're like chalk and cheese.
I'm still pondering what to do, I'd love to be able to cry but I feel so emotionally withdrawn, I cheer myself up by listening to Chopin, watching 30 Rock and understanding as soon as I stop drinking and get back in the gym, everything will be fine.
But what's the point really? Infinite nothingness seems so attractive right now, a few minutes of panic as I loose consciousness and the peace, no more fear.
I don't know, I'm a little confused right now, but I did survive yesterday and knowing you beautiful people on this forum give a sh*t and understand really makes me feel warm inside. Thank you so much for your kind words.
And again I'm so sorry if I upset any of you, I really didn't intend to.
BTW what is babble mail? An email client for this forum? I have no idea. I may use it if somebody would be kind enough to explain.
Namaste.
Posted by seldomseen on October 27, 2009, at 9:38:55
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
I am so glad you decided to stay with us.
So many people understand and struggle with the same things you do, you are not alone, and you are not weird.
Well, if you are weird, then we all are! Welcome!
Thank you so so much for reaching out.
As far as babblemail, mine has always been on and I have no idea how to turn it on.
I'm sure someone will come along and tell you how to do it though.
Thank you again. Thank you.
Seldom.
Posted by TenMan on October 27, 2009, at 12:04:51
In reply to Oh Hallelujah!, posted by seldomseen on October 27, 2009, at 9:38:55
Impermanence,
I am so relieved to hear you are still alive. I often fall into bouts of nihilistic despair in my life and the weight of such a concept and feeling can be crushing to the spirit. I have found that no drug, legal or illegal, is able to remove these feelings, they only band-aid them for a short while.
You know though I have managed to find true peace and meaning. Did you know that the teachings of the Buddha and Christ are very similar? Both taught that the external world was full of pain and distraught, and that true peace and meaning are found by throwing off the self and finding it inward. It is there, and I know you can find it as well if you would just try once. My hope for you is that you would look inward, in quiet contemplation and pray, it doesn't have to be to anyone, or thing, in particular, just pray. Pray for strength, peace and love. I will pray for you to find these things. Take care.
Posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 12:10:26
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
Impermanence,
I am crying now reading all this but I know you did what you needed to by reaching out. I dont know you but I care about you and I want you to LIVE. I have thought about suicide too but never went to actually attempting it. I tell you this so you know how many of Babblers understand and we want to help you. I have my bmail on and you can always bmail me. We all want to support you.
take care, and know you are loved. I am still crying for you, both saddened about how you feel but gladdened you are still here.
Live for us, until you can live for yourself. OK?Rsk
Posted by delna on October 27, 2009, at 12:58:56
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 9:27:29
I'm relieved to hear you didn't go through with it.
Though it may be an ongoing battle, we are all here so don't feel alone. Most of us have been 'there' or are still there..so please continue to reach out. You will find understanding here...
Lots of love
Take care
D
Posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
I'm sorry guys, I'm feeling so low right now, I hate to regress, but I can't help it, I need to tell people how I feel without going out without anybody knowing why. I might send a text to my mother linking her to this wonderful forum so she can understand why.
I've tried to feel better but the bloody booze and diazepam just wont let me feel OK.
I've found 50 Dormidina in the kitchen, it's a sedating antihistamine, and my mate gave me 12 80 mg oxycontins, and four 1mg Royhipnol, he's a recovering addict and has copious amounts of drugs to deal with his desperate attempt to get of methadone. He thinks I'm just suffering from back pain and insomnia, I feel guilty for not letting him know the truth. Those meds coupled with my diazepam and alcohol should do the trick. Well it's better than hanging myself.
I've tried so hard to avoid doing this but I'm just so depressed right now, I'm trying to shake it off, I know I'm so lucky to live where I live and have wonderful people that care about me but booze just sucks me into a black hole sometimes.
I'm getting really drunk right now, gonna smoke a spliff and hopefully that will put me to sleep, it's AK47 BTW, fantastic weed.
I still don't know what you mean by babble mail? Is it a Dr Bob email client? Nobody explained it to me?
I'm feel so upset I let some you you beautiful people down.
I might not go through with this yet, I just need time to think and get stoned. It's a really stupid thing to do, I know that, life is a beautiful miracle and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Love and respect to you all. xx
Posted by jasmineneroli on October 27, 2009, at 14:36:32
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
Hello there:
I'm very happy that you have found us here at Babble & are still with us today.
I know that all-enveloping feeling of the desire to just get rest and peace from the world. I was lucky enough to find help through the correct medicine and therapy, plus support of my family.
I beg you to resist. You are loved and valued here amongst us. Keep posting, and venting, and expressing yourself here. We will all listen.(Are you in the UK? You sound like you are. I'm originally from the UK, now living in the US. Do you have access to a good psychiatrist or mental health care? If your family members don't understand you, mental health experts will. They can help put you on a path of medications and counselling).
Check back with us as many times as you like :)
J
Posted by manic666 on October 27, 2009, at 14:46:41
In reply to Re I am glad you are still here..., posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 12:10:26
stay safe my friend, sorry if i was blunt, but you no i was reaching out to you.
Posted by SLS on October 27, 2009, at 14:54:13
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
Hi.
I don't think you are letting anyone down just because you are not jumping for joy. I think many of us recognize the horrific thoughts and feelings that currently invade your consciousness.
Depression can be a real pain in the @ss. It forms a self-perpetuating cycle. Depressed feelings lead to depressed thoughts which lead to depressed feelings which lead to depressed thoughts... etc. If alcohol can have such a deleterious effect on your mood, perhaps a biological treatment with antidepressant drugs will be necessary to dissolve the depression. It might break the depressive cycle for you.
My guess (only a guess) is that you have not exhausted all the treatment possibilities that are now available, whether they be biological or psychological. Of course, these things don't mean very much if you really don't recognize that life might be worth living if things were to change for you. It is obvious in your writing that you do recognize the possibility that life can be worth living. You just might not believe that this applies to you. It takes a certain amount of bravery to follow through with an act of suicide. However, it takes much more bravery to commit to living - and endeavoring to live well. I sense that you do have some positive energy left to work with. You might as well use it to pursue life. You always have the right to make choices as you go along. If you choose to live another day, you have not necessarily committed to living another week or month or year.
I would like nothing better than to have the power to convince you to continue living and promise you the secrets of how to pursue a life that is rich and rewarding. Since I have no such power, I will have to settle with writing this short note and hope that you can find something useful and positive in it. I can guarantee you very little except that your future is uncertain. In other words, you cannot be certain that your life will remain intolerable and unrewarding. Uncertainty can breed hope if looked at this way.
For today, I hope that you find a place that is tolerable and safe.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on October 27, 2009, at 15:40:52
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
I thought I was going to lose you right after being so happy to see you post again! I'm so glad you're with us!
Things will get better. They did for me.
I hope you get your meds sorted out and get rid of the apathy. That is my main problem too, the apathy, especially for school.
Posted by Maxime on October 27, 2009, at 16:30:24
In reply to Re: I'm really glad you're still here, posted by Deneb on October 27, 2009, at 15:40:52
I'm so glad that you are still with us. The world wouldn't be the same without out.
If you go to the top right hand of the page you will see a sign that says registration. You can sign up for Babblemail there. It's really easy.
All I can say is that I am glad you had so many bears you had to drink because it bought us time.
I am not stranger to suicide. I've tried over 6 times and falied. I should take it as a sigh eh? You too.
So sign up for your Babblemail so that we can talk to you.
Peace.
Posted by delna on October 27, 2009, at 16:35:30
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
I'm sorry I don't know what to say or how to take the awful pain away.
But I just wanted to let you know that I am around and am thinking of you. I hope you get through this dark patch- I'm sure there is light ahead.
Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts.
Hope you find some good medical help.
Love
D
Posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
We can't babblemail you because you have it turned off. I can't leave you like this. If you look at any of our names those that are highlighted in purplish color and underlined if you click those names it will take you to the babblemail site. It is a private email option for Babblers. It will keep your private email address from babblers but is a way to communicate in a separate way than on the boards. You can go to FAQ and it will tell you how to go back now and turn your babblemail on. It is if you want other Babblers to privately email you through Babble. If not, you can babblemail any of us that are highlighted and underlined.
hope that answers that. WE want you to live.
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on October 27, 2009, at 19:30:59
In reply to Re: babblemail options » Impermanence, posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
Yes click on any of our names that are in color and not black and a screen appears you post a message to the person who's name you select and then go to bottom of that note you wrote and hit send. I'm hoping you've done this. And do please turn your's on. Registration site hit yes I want babblemail on. And I'm so Proud of you for being here. I did work in detox and know how wonderful a person can feel when away from home and many caring people will help you detox painlessly. And help you and other patients also are there for support. I just know you can do it. I have a feeling your're a spiritual person. Love Phillipa you did it be proud!!! I am that you're here with your friends.
Posted by Sigismund on October 27, 2009, at 19:38:36
In reply to Re: babblemail options » Impermanence, posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
We need people in this world who prefer to stay in their rooms reading Nietzche and listening to Chopin.
You would remember writing this years ago
>Forget the religion, you don't need someone telling you what they think God is. I truly believe God is nothing but pure love and kindness. No matter what you feel you might have done wrong God will still take you in his arms like a new born child (like he really sees you). You are an amazing living creature, don't allow a man made idea to corrupt you into thinking otherwise. You can do anything you want my friend. Don't let "fear" (the true satan) rule your life.
>lots of love xxx
You can be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. What was it you said? The tedium, boredom and fear of it all? Well, yes, but even so.....
Posted by Sigismund on October 27, 2009, at 21:54:28
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
My experience has been that alcohol leads to insomnia and that benzos both relieve and create fear and agoraphobia.
I have not found a way out of this bind myself.
(I just try to be as moderate as I am able.)
Posted by ace on October 27, 2009, at 22:52:51
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
Hey friend,
I am very happy to hear you are OK!I am very happy to hear you didn't go through with any plans...
with regards to your feelings...
It is healthy to let others know of your despair at times. Feel free to let it go without any guilt
I would try now to surge a slow and steady plan to get your peace of mind back. But always have people around you to help you. And we will here!
Keep living mate!!!!
Ace
Posted by blahblahblah on October 28, 2009, at 1:09:12
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
Impermanence, how are you doing?
You said you read Nietzsche, I do too. So in true Nietzsche style you should work to overcome this. To reach a state of the child and find innocence. I know it's hard to do, but without the pain we can't reach the new beginnings. Keep becoming, don't just be.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2009, at 3:25:37
In reply to Re: babblemail options » Impermanence, posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
> We can't babblemail you because you have it turned off. ... If you look at any of our names those that are highlighted in purplish color and underlined if you click those names it will take you to the babblemail site. It is a private email option for Babblers. It will keep your private email address from babblers but is a way to communicate in a separate way than on the boards. You can go to FAQ and it will tell you how to go back now and turn your babblemail on. It is if you want other Babblers to privately email you through Babble. If not, you can babblemail any of us that are highlighted and underlined.
Impermanence, I'm glad you opted for at least a little more permanence.
rsk, thanks for explaining. Here's a link directly to that section of the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#babblemail
Bob
Posted by Impermanence on October 28, 2009, at 8:24:57
In reply to Re: babblemail options, posted by Sigismund on October 27, 2009, at 19:38:36
Did somebody here contact my ISP? And they then in turn called my local police station.
Last night after another wonderful to hour talk with a suicide helpline and then went for a drive with my Mother and had a long chat.
I told her everything, we hugged. I stopped drinking, stopped wanting to die.
Now fast forward to this morning, I'm delirious and stoked in sweat. I was having vivid hallucinations, walking around by bedroom looking at all my stuff destroyed and a box of chocolates on my floor then in an instant I was still in bed shivering. 0!o WTF? Yes lucid dreaming. I was obviously going through withdrawals.
So I got up, cleaned my self up, forced a healthy breakfast down me and then there's a knock on my door from my father with two police officers who explained to me somebody reported my suicidal contemplation to my ISP and the rang the cops.
I thought this forum was anonymous and confidential and If somebody here did contact my ISP then I'm very disappointed and I doubt I'll be sharing my feelings here ever again.
Going through withdrawals and having to explain to cops you're not suicidal is a difficult situation to be put into, especally when you suffer from avoidance personality disorder and are a nervous wreak around people at the best of times.
In fairness the cops where very kind and felt assured I'm doing mush better today and as long as I keep off that demon booze and talk to a therapist everything will be fine.
You guys where wonderful when I was in that black abyss buy nobody had a right to interfere with my life, that was out of order.
Namaste.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2009, at 9:36:37
In reply to Re: babblemail options, posted by Impermanence on October 28, 2009, at 8:24:57
> I thought this forum was anonymous and confidential and If somebody here did contact my ISP then I'm very disappointed and I doubt I'll be sharing my feelings here ever again.
>
> Going through withdrawals and having to explain to cops you're not suicidal is a difficult situation to be put into, especally when you suffer from avoidance personality disorder and are a nervous wreak around people at the best of times.
>
> In fairness the cops where very kind and felt assured I'm doing mush better today and as long as I keep off that demon booze and talk to a therapist everything will be fine.
>
> You guys where wonderful when I was in that black abyss buy nobody had a right to interfere with my life, that was out of order.That was me. I apologize for putting you in a difficult situation, but what I wanted to interfere with was your death. I'm glad the cops cared enough to check on you and were kind to you when they did.
I do hope you continue to share your journey here. The members of this community really can be wonderful!
Bob
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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