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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jerimycoplo on February 26, 2004, at 23:37:28
I would like to see what advice/comments people have regarding this issue I have.
To begin I have to describe my problem. I suffer from OCD and social anxiety disorder, but this is on top of this (or along side it). It makes my life a nightmare.
I am just 5 7 and done growing and when i don't lift heavily i have a pretty weak built (not very muscular). I have always felt inferior to other people (especially guys) because they are taller and more muscular. In highschool , I started lifting serisouly and when I lift 2-3 hours daily I can get decently muscular. When I lift like that and become bigger my life changes: I am able to assert myself, talk to people, be good at basketball and meet women. However, it is hard to lift 2-3 a day always. I am busy with school and such. When I don't lift and become less musclular, I become a different person- literally. I cannot play basketball anymore (not because I don't have skills, but because I just feel like les of a man then the other guys on the court and I cannot assert myself and feel miserable), i stop being able to talk to people I established good relationships with when I was more muscluar and lifting, i stop being able to pretty much have any confidence in ANY ASPECT OF MY LIFE - JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE LESS OF A GUY.
Talk theraphy does not do anything for me and the ocd and anxiety meds don't help with this either.
My therapist said I have some sort of an inferiority complex because I feel like I need to make up for being shorter then the average guy, by being more muscular. But this is not just some slight inferiority complex...it runs my life.
When I dont lift I cannot believe how shitty I perform at everything. I am unable to continue friendships with people b/c i start acting abnormal since i feel inferior to them, i am not able to play basketball anymore (from one being a good player, I become a mess, people don't even pas me the ball anymore), I can't assert mylsef in class, job ANYWHERE---my life becomes completely ruined...when i am not musclular...
I know it sounds nuts, but it is the absolute truth and probably still an understatement of how powerful my inferiority complex is.
My pdoc said that as i get older it will get better etc. (other things will replace it), BUT HENESLTY it has been getting worse. I really don't believe that I will ever get over it UNLESS they come up with some sort of gene theraphy that makes you more muscular w/o lifting 3 hours a day.
As of right now, I live 'in the gym', one day at a time, liftin 3-4 hours day and taking countless supplements to keep my normally scrawny build in a more muscular shape...
When ever I don't work out for a months or two and revert to my original skinny self, my life just CRASHES. Yesterday, I felt like crying in the middle of a basketball game, seeing myself not able to play anymore just because I feel like I am too skinny for a guy andf therefore not doing what I am capable off....
I just walked off the floor in the middle of a game and went home and spent the next 2 days in my room....the solution? start lifting heavily again (i had stopped lifting due to a busy school shedule for 2 months)...
I feel like I have to live with this curse: I can be the person who I am capable of being if I lift, but if I don't my life goes down the drain and I am a total looser.
I cannot OVEREMPHASIZE how serious I am about this: when I am not as muscular as I am when i lift 3-4 every day and take tons of supplements, I REALLY HONESTLY start becoming incompetent at everyting (even at things I am normally skilled at), not because of my skill, BUT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE AN INFERIOR HUMAN BEING/MAN BECAUSE I AM SHORT AND ALSO NOT MUSCULAR....
IT IS A NIGHTMARE....
any comments/advice would be welcome......
sorry for being so long.
btw. i am on paxil and it controls my ocd and social anxiety just fine...this problem is on top of those...and separate from them as far as i can tell.
Posted by bristol on February 27, 2004, at 7:50:21
In reply to help me!, posted by jerimycoplo on February 26, 2004, at 23:37:28
I am no doctor, nor expert, but it sounds like you have a misconception of body image which affects your whole being. A lot of women, including myself go through this all the time, but it's the opposite - we all think we're overweight or you here the infamous question of, does our rear end look fat? What kind of question is that - We all need to feel more comfortable in our own skin -bottom line. 3 hours at the gym in order to feel good about yourself sounds excessive. What else do you like to do? Think of all those actors who are incredibly successful who are not tall- The average actor is actually around 5 7 or 5 8 isn't he? Maybe basketball isn't the right sport for you b/c there's a lot of tall people out there. Have you tried other sports? What else do you enjoy doing? How about hiking with dog's and friends just for fun? It doesn't have to be competitive. It sounds like you need to focus on activities that will bring you joy and peace of mind vs. constantly struggling in the gym.
Some of us just aren't built to have a lot of muscle. Does this make any sense - it's ok? What's most important is who you are and what you do with your life. Not how long you spend at the gym. Hope this helps
Posted by jerimycoplo on February 27, 2004, at 18:13:20
In reply to Re: help me!, posted by bristol on February 27, 2004, at 7:50:21
That makes alot of sense. The thing though is that I totally logically understand that and I know it's a perception thing and it's all in my head, but there's nothing I can do to make myself look at things in any other way...
And I am highly competitve and usually the activities I engage in are high stress/competition ones: goign out to hook up with numerous girls, trying to have best body, being the best at basketball, skiing, soccer , weightlifting etc....
I am all about being the best and I feel like I can't live up to who I could be because of my body image...
Posted by Chairman_MAO on February 28, 2004, at 10:03:19
In reply to help me!, posted by jerimycoplo on February 26, 2004, at 23:37:28
I feel for you. I am 6'2", have a great default bodily shape, and yet still have some of the same issues regarding dysmorphic body perception. What you are experiencing is a spiritual crisis, not wholly unlike what a drug addict goes through when the drugs stop working. In the context of your anxiety disorders, your workout fanaticism makes sense: you're trying to gain absolute control over one area of your life to compensate for that which you feel completely out of control of. People with OCD do this through counting, cleaning, and washing; people with eating disorders do this via restricting, binging, and purging; some do it through accumulating material goods; or money; yet others work all day or are obsessed with their attachment to religious dogma; still others need endless sexual conquests; others fall into a love relationships which precludes all other life-enriching activity ...
Some addictions are embraced by our society, such as accumulating material goods, working out obsessively, and love addiction. Other types of addicts are persecuted like Jews in Germany, such as drug addicts. I can assure you, however, that the underlying psychology is all the same no matter what your addictive attachment is; just look at how adversely working out or the lack thereof affects your life, just like drugs for a drug addict!
You are NOT "nuts"! You simply lost sight of other things which do give you pleasure and increase your self-worth. Remember the things that used to please you as a toddler?
"Except ye be converted and become as little children ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven."
I'm not a Christian nor a religious man, but all faiths have a lot to say regarding a blissful existence, and it's the same message no matter where you look! This is a medication support group, and I could give you medication advice as I do for so many others. However, you've articulated so much about what's wrong that you probably do not need medication to make it right. I suggest talk therapy with an addictionologist who does NOT subscribe to 12-step crap; this could help you.
If you really want meds, there's nothing wrong with that: try dopaminergic drugs (Wellbutrin would be a good start, from there go to the dopamine agonists used in Parkinson's) or the benign opioid buprenorphine. My rationale behind this is simple: they're good at helping out negative self-talk. So are the SSRIs for many people, but you're already on one, and I also believe their effectiveness is way overblown.
If you go with meds, make sure to get therapy along with them; it's far more important for you than meds are. Also, check out the book "Be Here Now" by Baba Ram Dass and "Emmanuel's Book" by Pat Rodegast.
Best of luck!
Posted by jerimycoplo on February 29, 2004, at 22:08:55
In reply to Re: help me! » jerimycoplo, posted by Chairman_MAO on February 28, 2004, at 10:03:19
hey that last post was really helpful I was wondering if on top of the meds you suggested you think a benzo like klonopin might work. my pdoc suggested that on top of the ssri because he think that alot of my negative self talk is caused by my anxiety about everything especially social anxiety. but he also think it might help b/c he thinks i have generalized anxiety disorder...what do u think?>
sincerely
jc
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