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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 19, 2007, at 9:54:27
Okay, this might be a long post. I gratefully thank anyone who has the patience to read it and offer advice, because I'm really freaked out and distraught right now.
I'm putting this post in Psychobabble because it has a lot to do with a friend who went off his antipsychotic meds and fell apart.
I got involved with a guy who was diagnosed as bipolar and given Seroquel. But we all are starting to think the diagnosis was incorrect. I think he's got borderline personality disorder. He has moodswings, but they're very brief. He prefers to avoid trouble and conflict of other people, but "invents" drama and makes up personal problems like some hypochondriac to get attention. He also seems to have identity trouble. Can't hold a job, doesn't know what to do with his future, and is even confused about whether he's straight or bisexual.
He's one of the most amazing, intelligent, sweet people I've ever known, but he just can't keep himself together. It hurts so bad to see him go on a downward spiral because he's hit rock bottom several times before and not learned from it. I know he could do so much with himself if he could just get some serious help and remain stable for a while.
The trouble started when he went off the Seroquel. Last weekend, he didn't show up for a brand new job he had kept for 2 days, crashed his car, then took off on a bicycle. Before leaving, he tried to call me, but I missed his call by about 20 minutes. He has no cell phone. I've been keeping in touch with his family and friends, but none of them know where he is except that he's in my city on bicycle, going from place to place each night. So far, he hasn't gone back home to get his clothes or stuff yet.
I wonder why he hasn't called me again. I'd offer him a place to stay for a while and try to get him help one last time if I had the chance to talk to him. I feel like its's worth it because when we were together, he was always very sweet and affectionate and never treated me badly, other than being absentminded and sort of selfish occasionally. None of his friends or family care; they've all given up on him completely. Should I keep trying to track him down?
Posted by one woman cine on April 19, 2007, at 10:28:55
In reply to Help; close friend in SERIOUS trouble!, posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 19, 2007, at 9:54:27
No, don't keep trying. It's sad he's in this state (& you too), but i have always been told, no matter where we are in life - we need to be accountable for our behaviors. By continuing to track him down, etc - I think you're just perpetuating the drama. Concentrate on yourself.
Posted by Phillipa on April 19, 2007, at 12:17:55
In reply to Help; close friend in SERIOUS trouble!, posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 19, 2007, at 9:54:27
Sounds like stopping the seroquel may have triggered a mania my ex father-in-law did the same thing. So sad. Is there a doc of his you can call. No he can give no info unless he signed a waiver giving permission but he may give you some good advise. Good luck to both of you. How frighening for you. Love Phillipa
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 19, 2007, at 12:17:55
In reply to Re: Help; close friend in SERIOUS trouble!, posted by one woman cine on April 19, 2007, at 10:28:55
Hello
I think we all need to help each other as much as we can, and sometimes (esp. in mental illness) we are not aware of our behaviors or what we're doing to ourselves. So why not try to track him down and help him? If you don't look out for him, who will? I think its a very honorable and noble thing to do.
My boyfriend sort of did the same with me - he tracked me down after I'd ran away during my first bout of depression - we're still together after 6 years.
Posted by madeline on April 20, 2007, at 8:01:46
In reply to Help; close friend in SERIOUS trouble!, posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 19, 2007, at 9:54:27
Caring for someone with a serious mental illness is not easy.
My mom is bipolar and we've had some really really tough times.
I've never given up on the relationship we have because when it is good I have a mom. But, make no mistake, it has taken a lot out of me.
There have been a lot of disappointments and frustrations.
Sometimes I am convinced that she knows exactly what she is doing, doesn't care that it is hurtful, but just indulges herself in all kinds of behaviors that are just outrageous.
Other times I am convinced that it is just the illness.
But, to me, the truth is somewhere in between the two.
There is a fine line between enabling bad behavior and being there to help someone you love and care for.
Sometimes completely disengaging isn't an option. I think it is the nature of love to try to help and comfort.
The decision to try and reach out to this man is obviously yours to make and I don't think you can make a wrong one here.
I mean no one ever said love was easy right?
Maddie
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 20, 2007, at 13:23:18
In reply to Re: Help; close friend in SERIOUS trouble! » Cynthia_Greene, posted by madeline on April 20, 2007, at 8:01:46
Thanks, everyone for answering. I've decided that I'm going to do my best to try and find him, but I'm not going to do anything to put myself in danger in the process.
This is a regular occurance with him, so I know he'll be back home soon and everything will calm down. The part that worries me is I don't know how long that will be. The last time he did this, it was for a couple days. The time before that, it was 5 months. I basically stayed in touch with him through his sister.
Now that I know all of his friends and a lot more of his family members, things will be easier this time. I just wish he had a cell phone.
Posted by Kathii on April 24, 2007, at 0:35:34
In reply to Re: Help; close friend in SERIOUS trouble!, posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 20, 2007, at 13:23:18
> Now that I know all of his friends and a lot more of his family members, things will be easier this time. I just wish he had a cell phone.
Maybe you could get him a pre-paid cell phone? No contract, use the refill cards. You might go ahead and consider calling his pdoc. True, the dr can't tell you anything, but you could let him know your friend stopped his meds. The pdoc might want to try him on something else, or may even be in contact with him.
I hope he gets in touch with you soon.
This is the end of the thread.
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