Posted by Vanessa on August 11, 1998, at 10:10:37
In reply to Re: Burnout, posted by Benjamin Tang on July 12, 1998, at 5:42:16
> What has setting/boundaries and assertiveness
> to do with burnout?> Being in a drift mood... Wanting to be a
> drifter today.> ...authority, because I experienced severe burnout, in the form of severe depression, as a result of ignoring the signs.... I was in situation that horrified and frightened me.... I ignored... my feelings... I was in a highly abusive situation.... I suffered a breakdown more than a year ago that took me more than a year to recover from.... Pay Attention to your feelings. Don't continue to do what you hate doing. Don't let others abuse you out of fear. We don't need to be unhappy for money; we just think we do. -B
> I have also experienced some difficulty w/ burnout. ...in the latter part of my first-year second semester experienced an exhaustion period. I felt unmotivated to do my studies, worried a lot, had guilt about everything, and was depressed. I think stress, or stressors, had a lot to do w/ my burnout. I wonder... about how to deal positively w/ stress in everyday life and how to prevent it from escalating into a burnout.
> I prayed a lot, did a little exercise, and generally eased up on my emotional demands. ... (I am) back on a normal mood, and able to experience the joy of everyday living. I suspect that my religion, that unseen, untangible psycho-logical force, has helped me a lot. -Benjamin
The degree of my burnout worries me at times. I believe the roots of this period lay in a series of hospitalizations in which psychic material was accessed but not properly addressed and/or the abuses that I witnessed (first- or second-hand) compounded my difficulties. I was brought up in an abusive, and now disintegrated, family. I am an incest survivor and bulimic. I was also a high-achiever in my youth. I worked my ass off to do everything right and good, to be good enough and to excel. I made it to the Ivy League and broke-down (or broke-through) in my first semester. I was later diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder (as had been one of my two sisters and my brother).The last series of hospitalizations seem to have broken me down more than before. I wish for the benefits of excellence, but I lack the drive to excel... even when my mood is at baseline. It is all I can do to get by. I wish I could hold a job and get my own apartment, but for now I work as a temporary (in no way utilizing the degree of skills and talents that reside in me) and live in a run-down women's residence.
This morning on the Metro I got the idea that the reason I am not getting full-time work is because on some level I do not want is badly enough. Or I do not believe I can handle it. I am quite weary, soul-weary, and rather disappointed in the contrast between the me I had always thought I would be and who I am at present.
Assertiveness, to the extent that I employ it, takes me forward. Prayer (spirituality) is essential, and exercise helps. Allowing my feelings to be my guide gets me out of a situations that was hurting me, but they tend to undermine my ability to hang-in when a situation is merely demanding my performance. -Vanessa
poster:Vanessa
thread:77
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19980801/msgs/283.html