Posted by Janice on October 9, 1999, at 20:49:36
In reply to Re: depressing..., posted by dj on October 9, 1999, at 3:55:21
hi dj, can you think you're way out of perfectionism? It is very irrational. Cognitive therapy worked for me to almost completely rid myself of perfectionism and anxiety (at least as far as I know they're almost gone).
I'll be in Vancouver (the airport) tomorrow evening. It's probably raining.
I beginning to wonder how much depression I have actually had in my life. I got more Dexedrine (I feel like a hustler trying to get more of this out of doctors who don't know me), and I once again feel good. It's the only thing that has ever made me feel normal, well I'll never be normal, but feel 'not in pain for the majority of my waking moments'. When I told the doctor it cures my depression, she said she never heard of Dexedrine completely curing depression.
About 4 mornings ago (before I started on this increased dosage of Dexedrine and was feeling 'depressed') I awoke and lay in my bed. this next bit will be very difficult to put into words, but this is what happened. I had just awoken and was not yet my brain; i was not yet my thoughts, my beliefs, my perceptions. I simply was, and actually observed my brain at work. My brain quickly scanned my present life situation looking for knots. It went everywhere until it found a problem in my life, and then there it remained.
Anyway, I'm thinking much of what I thought was depression is ADD. I have only had hopelessness once in my life for about 20 seconds. From what I understand people with depression feel empty, I've always felt filled up (never satisfied, of course) and often overwhelmed.
have a good week dj. Are you french too? You must be at least Catholic with so many siblings. sounds to me like you've inherited your condition, and are far too hard on yourself. Ever notice that your memories change according to your mood? My feelings towards my childhood change substantially too, depending on my mood and my understanding of my disorders.
I've put a hold on that book you reccomended, 'The Beast'
I feel like I am butting in on this lady's posting. Janice.
poster:Janice
thread:12504
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12913.html