Posted by Grace on January 10, 2000, at 17:33:47
I've had something on my mind, and I almost feel that the web is the only place to discuss it since the subject is such an emotional trigger. It seems that our culture is moving farther and farther away from the concept of parental resposibility. I think this comes about because people think that having children is the normal course of events: it is "natural." Therefore, they are not fully resposible for the choices they have made. Personally, I think that having a child who you are not fully willing to take responsiblity for is very unatural. Love and responsibility toward a child are natural. The act of giving birth is unatural if a parent is not aware of this role. It sounds simple, but it seems that few people understand this. I am in my early thirties, and I have made a very conscious choice not to have children yet. I am not ashamed of having enough insight into myself to realize that I am not ready to make that tremendous commitment. If I get to the age when child-bearing is no longer possible and I have not had a child, I will accept that I made the wisest choice and sacrificed having a child. I am aware that I make my own choices, and that I live with the results (unlike irresponsible parents).
Sometimes I see women who are hostile and tired from dealing with their children. Some seem to have a venomous resentment for women like myself who don't have children, as if God had targeted them for a burden and didn't target me. It's such an irrational envy. My own good judgment has exused me from the responsibilities of child rearing. I think that Hillary Clinton's idea of "It takes a village" has made things worse. The idea implies that parents should be able to defer responsibility to others without society's consent. If I have wisely chosen to not have children before I am ready, should I really be burdened with the responsibility of other people's children. When did I agree to this? I care about children. I am very active in trying to prevent child abuse. I have reported child abusers when others were afraid to. I think my obligation is to report abuse or neglect of children; they cannot defend themselves, but I disagree with the opinion that I should be held responsible for raising someone else's child. Well, the way I see it, our culture sees conscientious women like me as the oddballs. I think sexism is alive and well when a woman's intelligent choices are demeaned as unatural. Irresponsible parents are considered noble while I am the freak for making wise choices.
poster:Grace
thread:18587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000101/msgs/18587.html