Posted by dove on February 7, 2000, at 8:56:55
In reply to Re: Depression and procreation..., posted by Noa on February 6, 2000, at 22:51:57
> > My father seemed to get some sort of pleasure out of making us cry, then hugging us to make it all better....very confusing for a child to have the person that smacks you around, then hugging you.
We all must be related or something. I identify with everything said in this thread so far. My father had the art of love-hate perfected. Screaming and yelling, smashing things, and the tearful repentance, utter hatred for himself, laying on the floor a completely broken man. There are at least three generations before him that functioned in the same manner. BUT, not everyone has the high-wire temperment, most don't. I carry the same temperment profile, and often I have to shut myself in a dark corner and let the pain and frustration pour out until I'm spent. And then, go back to being "mom". My kids ask me why I'm so sad, or why I can't have the lights on, and I feel so ashamed. I try to be honest, but I can't be completely honest because I know it's not their responsibility, nor is it their burden to carry. I cannot load them with all that, yet I cannot bear it alone.
So, again, there are some very serious questions to ask oneself. A real critical appraisal of the responsibility required to rear children needs to be done. The burden is heavy and scary, at least for me. On the positive side, children can cause a person to grow, reaching heights that were never imagined possible. At the end of the day you will find yourself empty, but the strength to keep going miraculously appears through the guise of a child's beautiful face. Nothing on this earth has taught me more than my children, honestly. And, nothing could have pressed me to seek help aside from them.
Adam, you are so incredibly thoughtful, you dig for the truth, you want to do the right thing. That counts so much in the specialty of parenthood. Follow your heart, even if that means saying no. Children are a precious gift, but that only makes the decision that much harder.
dove
poster:dove
thread:20155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000128/msgs/20682.html