Posted by M on March 24, 2000, at 21:42:48
...a little self-indulgent venting
Well, another day has gone by and, again, here I sit --house is a wreck, laundry's not done, very little food in the frig, week-old calls that haven't been returned, and empty prescription bottles that haven't been refilled. Haven't showered or dressed in...how many days now? The Wellbutrin I ran out of last week is still waiting to be retrieved from the doc's office, as is the prescription for Klonopin he added for sleep at my request (sound, restful sleep evades me.) I just can't seem to pull myself together enough to drive over there and pick it up. I guess I'm not really convinced it works that well anyway. (About the only choice it seems...bad reaction to SSRIs, medical condition prohibits tricyclics and MAO inhibitors, and the Trazadone that worked wonderfully for about a year, pooped out.)
Every night I tell myself that tomorrow will be different. I'll make a to-do list. Shower and dress. Do all the things I've been feeling so damned guilty about not having done for so long. I'll get my meds and begin taking them again, religiously. I'll go back to the gym and work out every day (exercise has always made me feel so much better.) I won't just send out resumes, I'll get out there and pound the pavement and BEG if I have to but, dammit, I'll find a job!
But it doesn't happen. 9:00 pm, another day has gone by and, again, here I sit. Right where I was yesterday...and the day before...and the day before that. I think I'm just too tired.
Does it ever end?
poster:M
thread:28080
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000321/msgs/28080.html