Posted by harry b. on March 25, 2000, at 1:24:47
I said in an earlier post that I'm changing meds. Quitting
the Serzone and starting Effexor, keeping the Klonopin
and Lithium.I am discouraged. I have not worked for nearly 2 months.
The insurance company finally responded to my calls, saying
they hope to make a determination on my claim for short term
disability payments within a week.I was originally to be in the outpatient program for 2-3
weeks. Today was the end of my third week. The pdoc wants
me to continue with the program.I began to feel good,
safe and comfortable in the hospital. I also made friends
there. Now I'm back to where I started. I have
not even talked to any friends, in person or by phone, to tell
them about the hospitalization or day programI am not able to perform my duties at work yet. I know
I would miss days and screw up if I went back now,
would probably get fired.I'm beginning to feel as though a part of me does not
want to get well. That maybe I feel comfortable where I am,
that maybe the real me IS a lazy, ignorant, zoned out slug.I know for certain that I do not see the light at the end
of the tunnel. The tunnel is dark, it goes on forever, with
countless twists and turns. It's a very familiar place.
I don't know if I can leave it. I'm afraid of the light that
would mark it's end.Anyone felt like this before?
poster:harry b.
thread:28105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000321/msgs/28105.html