Posted by Victoria on April 6, 2000, at 18:44:15
In reply to who am I????, posted by Carolyn on April 5, 2000, at 20:03:11
I don't want to suggest problems where there might be none, but I had a somewhat similar experience with a past therapist. She, too, thought in terms of a personality disorder diagnosis and while I was seeing her, I would have said we had a good relationship, except for the fact that I wasn't really getting any better. I finally ended therapy for financial reasons when I went back to school and, lo and behold, I felt much better than I had while in therapy. Once, in crisis, I went back to see her and it became very clear to me that the price of her support was seeing myself as far more psychologically defective and incompetent that I actually felt myself to be. So I didn't go back! The problem was partly that this was before SSRIs, so part of my depression just never shifted; part was temperamental (she was an extrovert and saw many of my perfectly normal introverted traits as pathological), and mostly it was her incompetence! My experience may not have anything to do with Carolyn's, but hearing "personality disorder" and the fact that the therapist and patient don't see the patient the same way rasies a red flag for me. Anyway, I'm still mad about the wasted time, money, and self-esteem,so it feels good to vent!
> I saw my pdoc two days ago. He has an excellent reputation, and I have had a good relationship with him for the past 12 years. He is a very good psychopharmacologist. I questioned him about my diagnosis, which is Major Depressive Disorder primarily, but with a secondary diagnosis of Personality Disorder. I asked what exactly that meant. He explained...I still could not see how this related to me, so asked for examples in myself. His answers truly surprised me. His assessment of my personality is not at all in congruence with my own. So I shared some of this with my husband and close friends. All were also baffled. I can, however, see that some of what he says is evident in my personality when I am depressed. However, I seem to be a totally different person when not depressed (and a much nicer one!). This changes almost overnight when I find the right medication (which poops out and needs adjusting every few years).
>
> Am I the only one who seems to undergo a total personality change between my depressed and medicated selves? And I am wondering which one is the real me????
poster:Victoria
thread:29013
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000401/msgs/29117.html