Posted by Scott L. Schofield on April 7, 2000, at 12:17:17
In reply to I think i am going to kill my self...., posted by tori hart on April 4, 2000, at 18:53:49
Dear Tori Hart,
I hope you don't mind that I changed some of your writing. I though it might be a bit easier to read. I apologize if I misstated what you had intended to say.
> I am giving my self 3 days to change my mind...
I don't know you, but I would cry and miss you if you go.
> Nothing on this world excites me any more.
This is the biology of depression.
> i have no friends
I don't have any either. It looks like you have made many concerned friends here, though.
> and a low self esteem
I know this feeling well. This is the result of both the biology of depression and your reaction - a very understandable reaction - to what it has done to you. Perhaps it is the result of a lack of independence. Perhaps it is the result of an inability to control the direction of your life, and to contribute to the lives of others. You must feel worthless. I know I do - at times. But it is important to recognize the differences between what you do (or don't do) and what you are. Who and what you are have value. You have value. I don't think you have much choice in this. Look how many people (myself included) have gone out of their way to help you.
There are no guarantees. Thank God for uncertainty. It is uncertainty that has given me the incentive to endure, to continue living. Where there is uncertainty, there is hope. There is no guarantee that things will never get better for you, and that you will never have a life worth living. There is no guarantee that a successful treatment for you will never be found. I do not find much comfort in the saying offered by concerned people that "Where there is Life, there is hope", although there is an inescapable finality when the words are reversed. "Where there is no life, there is no hope". I hope you find comfort, as I have, in the realization that where there is uncertainty, there is hope.
If you stick around, I can *almost* guarantee you that the severity of this crisis will pass, as have all your others. If things don't change for the better real soon, you will probably reach a point of crisis again. This next crisis will also pass, just as my most recent crisis has. Let there be NO misunderstanding. My state of mine during this crisis was triggered by a change in my biology, not by a change in my situation. This may or may not be the case with you. It really doesn't matter. Your state of mind WILL change.
Bye the way, you are not alone in your suffering. The catastrophic results of your illness are not unique. These are just facts.
> why is this world so great to live in
Hopefully, this will soon be an easy question for you to answer for yourself.
> and why does any one care if someone dies...
Because we are all brothers and sisters.
> Its one less mouth to feed.
NEGATIVE thinking resulting from the biology of depression.
> If any one has anything that they would specifically like to tell me.. maybe i can find a hobby...
POSITIVE thinking resulting from your heroic effort to continue living, and to not be defeated by the temporary biology of a depressive disorder. This is a demonstration of your strength of character - who and what you are. It demonstrates the value you place on your own existence. You obviously do have self-esteem. You value yourself. And so do I. And so do others.
With love,
Scott
poster:Scott L. Schofield
thread:28877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000401/msgs/29192.html