Posted by ella on May 2, 2000, at 18:02:32
In reply to Re: treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, posted by tina on May 2, 2000, at 11:25:12
> Ella: Your story is very similar to mine except it was my step-grandfather not my step-father. I didn't talk about my experience until I was eighteen and the man was dead. I've been married for 7 years and I'm amazed that my husband hangs around. I've been pushing him away on a regular basis for the entire time. He is a very good man and I keep trying to convince myself that I deserve him but the irrational part of my mind feels that I don't deserve to be happy in this lifetime. I have a rocky relationship with my mom, we argue and test eachother all the time because I think she feels guilty that I couldn't talk to her about this until I was grown and I resent her for not protecting me from this man. We try to overcome it but it's very hard when she refuses to discuss it saying it's in the past and that I should just get over it. My husband is very encouraging in the help department too but sometimes I just want everyone to go away and leave me in my misery. I just don't want to hurt anyone by my behavior and I can't deal with the guilt when I do hurt them. Mind over matter is very big in my family so I always feel like the black sheep. I've been on the celexa for a week now. The side effects are hell but I have to admit that I am feeling a little better. Hang in there and come here a lot, it's very helpful having this support group. I haven't been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder just general can't live my life syndrome but I think you're taking a step in the right direction. Keep in touch.
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> > Is SSRI's a treatment for BPD? It's like the door was opened when I was diagnosed. It felt like someone understood me for the first time. I have had 3 marriages and sabotaged the first one, second was so abusive and the third is a wonderful man who encourages me to seek help but I find there are times I push him to the limit to see if he will leave me. I was sexually abused as a child by my stepfather and told my Mother who said she did believe me but couldn't leave him because she couldn't support us. I resented her for years for that and only now as she is in her mid 60's do i find i can stand to be around her but hate to touch her. I am overweight and eat impulsively not from hunger. feel like a ball of mess at times and other times can see the light and try to function as normal as i can. Of course, not sure what normal is. I've seen people who drive broke down cars with nothing and they seem happy why can't I be happy? I mean completely happy. is anyone? I am now on Celexa and feel more in control and not so out of control but don't feel like I want to be. Any help would be appreciated.
> > EllaThanks for the encouragement Tina. It's amazing how screwed up your life can be because of how we were raised. Here we have the opportunities to have a better life and happiness and the past haunts us. I make sure my Mom is taken care of, Dr appts, medicine, but never would i kiss her or hug her. No thanks. The resentment is too much. I just wish I could get on with my life and learn to start anew. Is this what the SSRI's help with? Replace the Seratonin and give you better thinking skills? I too am now on Celexa. Will keep you posted and you do the same.
ella
poster:ella
thread:31921
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000429/msgs/31960.html