Posted by brian on June 1, 2000, at 9:49:02
In reply to Re: Useless words, useless confidants... » brian, posted by CarolAnn on June 1, 2000, at 8:22:36
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> >> I'm glad that there are people here trying to understand why they are depressed. I think that it's normal and healthy to question thought processes that might lead to depression, or aggravate an existing condition. For my money, these people make thoughtful confidants.>>
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> Brian, I'm sorry my statement was a little misleading regarding the "why" people. I wasn't refering to patients who are trying to figure out their depression, or those who are genuinely trying to be helpful. I was refering to people in our lives who invalidate our illness, by insisting (even after I tell them that 2 yrs of therapy resolved my 'issues') that I can't really be depressed if there is no reason. You know, the type who when you say, "I suffer from depression", reply things like, "What have you got to be depressed about?". Sorry I wasn't clear, I'm like that in person too, a stream of babble, in search of a point! Smiles, CarolAnnCarolAnn,
I got your meaning - after I responded, of course. I read it again, thinking, "oh, maybe she meant it this way." Well, here's to careful reading.
When I was younger (about 12-13 years ago), a friend, Paul, developed a set of disorders. I'm not sure what he had, because I was never really close enough to him that he would let me in on specifics. But, looking back, I'd say that a fundamental component was OCD. This kid went from being an athletic, scrappy kid with a black belt in Karate to a pale and quiet guy. He lost well over 60 pounds, he wouldn't eat in public, and in fact even the smell of food could be too intense for him. Anyway, I was a pretty thoughtful kid. I used to listen non-judgmentally when Paul would talk to me and a friend about some of what he was going through. One of his big frustrations was that he had a bunch of other friends who simply wouldn't accept what was happening to him. They had all sorts of "cures" for him; everything from "snap out of it" to other "pull your self out of it" kinds of advice.
Another friend and I really listened to Paul. We didn't -- because we couldn't -- offer any "cures." I was 19 and healthy, I knew nothing about neurochemicals. I wasn't a dumb kid; I just didn't need to know about this stuff. But one thing Paul said to us, really stuck with me. He said: "I wish I could give people what I have just for one day. It's the only way they could understand what I'm going through."
About four years later I started getting panic attacks, anxiety and serious episodes of depression. Believe me, I've thought about what my friend said quite a bit. Then, I couldn't understand his distress because I had no point of reference. When I heard "anxiety" or "depression" I related them to the layman's definitions. Well, isn't everbody depressed sometimes? Don't we all get anxious? I tried not to judge my friend, but others certainly did. Many gave the impression that they regarded his inability to handle depression and anxiety as a character flaw. That he was weaker.
What a terrible addition to all of his symptoms: the disease of being misunderstood, of being dismissed. Having since gone through some of what Paul suffered, I have experienced the frustration that comes from being misunderstood. When someone gets cancer, people say, "oh, how terrible." When someone has some form of mental illness, people say, "well, what's wrong with him?" -- they offer advice, and even leave out of frustration.
That's one of the reasons I started this thread. I think people devalue mental illness because it is subjective and relatively intangible. But I also wonder if the language itself throws people off. "depression," "anxiety," "panic," "obsession," these are all terms borrowed from everyday language. Everybody experiences shades of these various symptoms. So, what makes us so different?
Paul killed himself one day about 12 years ago. I hope that he knew that at least two people gave him enough respect to try to understand his illness.
poster:brian
thread:34979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000526/msgs/35504.html