Posted by Noa on June 3, 2000, at 14:43:30
In reply to Re: I'm in love with my pdoc., posted by Cass on June 3, 2000, at 14:13:52
It sounds like perhaps he fell into the "trap" of wanting to reassure you, rather than to explore your perceptions of your sister's supposed better everything, which is really where the money is for real change. His reassuring you feels good in the moment, but how much does it help you to deal with the issue of your perceptions, real or not. I don't fault him too much, because I imagine that this is a trap that lots of therapists can easily fall into, especially at the end of a session. Perhaps you were emitting a need for reasurance and it tapped his desire to help you not feel so inadequate--especially to see you leave the session feeling inadequate. Perhaps you showed the need to be taken care of in this way, and he responded to it. It isn't terrible. But it is worth exploring more. I think the extent to which a therapist (unless it is a truly unskilled one) is vulnerable to responding to a client's subconscious wishes by gratifying them rather than exploring them can be a clue as to how strong those wishes and needs are. It sounds like your self-acceptance issues are powerful and the need for someone else to make you feel better about yourself in a way you cannot, perhaps that came across powerfully. And the strength of this dynamic might have been increased by it being the end of the session. What probably would help in therapy is for you to be allowed to sit with a need or wish or feeling without the therapist gratifying it, and that can be hard for a therapist to do (to say nothing of how hard it is for the client--been there!!!), I think. Don't you think it is human nature to want to reassure and soothe over hurts and needs? But in therapy, there has to be a balance between some soothing, and also not soothing, in service of exploration--where does this need come from, how do you usually cope with it, are your perceptions correct, how have your perceptions shaped the way you feel about yourself and your behavior and relationship patterns, etc. etc. Hopefully, this kind of work in therapy can help you to develop the internal capacity to soothe yourself, rather than needing others to do it for you. It takes time and hard work, but it can be done.
Unfortunately, this slip on the part of your therapist, though not a bad error, taps right into your vulnerability and reinforces the feelings you were already developing toward him. The good thing is that this slip can be explored and used in the therapy toward better understanding of you and your needs.
I realize that I am doing a lot of speculating here. I hope it does not offend you that I have done so. I just thought sharing my thoughts might help you. Please let me know honestly how this came across.
poster:Noa
thread:35788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000603/msgs/35881.html