Posted by shar on June 5, 2000, at 23:15:34
In reply to Re: That person hates me and other negative thoughts » Cindy W, posted by Cass on June 5, 2000, at 22:55:14
Kerry--I've been in talk therapy off and on (mostly on) for over 20 years, and I can see with my current therapist that I've made progress in the area of self-acceptance.
I can't fully credit therapy for changing my perceptions of what others might be thinking about me. I happened to work with two people for several years, and their take on any perceived slight was "That person must be nuts."
So, I sort of adopted that stance in situations where I might normally mind-read a hateful message from someone (even a complete stranger could bring that out in me). Now, instead of "that person hates me" I think "boy, that person must have a big problem" or something.
It's a bit humorous to me, and I don't do it in serious situations, but it was almost like a conscious decision that if I was going to engage in taking everything personally, I might as well turn it around. It beats ripping myself to shreds.
This came a while after I had my "Popeye Revelation" which is, of course, "I yam what I yam." If people want to hate me, seriously, it really is up to them and not about me.
I probably prefer they like me but I don't have the power to change them, and I don't want to do the pretzel thing anymore where I have to be what every individual person wants me to be.
I am 48, so that may have something to do with it also. Hope some of this made sense.
S> Cindy, I am receiving talk therapy. I think it is helping me. On top of the negative thoughts about other people thinking badly of me, I also tend to judge myself harshly for having negative thoughts at all. I am learning to love myself though. This is a breakthough for me. I come from a background where I was a victim of pathological emotional abuse. I tend to be very harsh with myself.
poster:shar
thread:36195
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000603/msgs/36231.html