Posted by Chris A. on July 7, 2000, at 7:45:25
In reply to hi Chris…, posted by Janice on July 6, 2000, at 23:57:32
Dear Janice,Glad to hear this-
> Topirimate is being very good to me. Moodwise, I've stopped rapid cycling, although sleepwise the cycle is the same (no sleep, then hyper sleep).
Sleep is essential. I'm glad to hear that the topirimate is working. At the moment waking up two hours after I take my Ambien isn't working. I get agitated and desperate. Calling the pDoc on call at 2:00 a.m. out of frustration is probably inappropriate. There is a lot that needs to be done around here and I am having trouble functioning. Without sleep, functioning is hard to come by, as is sanity. My inlaws will be here next week and the place is a disaster. They are nice people, but are clueless about bipolar. Perhaps I'm paranoid, but I fear being judged for not being able to "pull it together." My husband is kind, but he is way over extended. Everyone wants a piece of him. Fixing a meal is a major accomplishment. I don't even know if my husband has filled them in on the four hospitalizations and the twenty ECT treatments in the past six months. I don't want him to mention the suicide attempt and am pretty sure he won't. My daughter is leaving for camp, has her right arm in a splint and can't even fold her clothes to pack for herself. My immature 19 year old son is home briefly, harassing me and needing help getting his affairs in order to leave for a remote assignmnet for a year. He took my car yesterday without consulting me and as a result I missed an important appointment. His ADHD is fairly serious, but he is in denial. He came close to seriously injuring the youngest the other day - flipping her over and dumping her on her head. Other than some pain in the area of a thoracic vertebra, she seems to be ok. He won't shut up. I want terribly to sneak him some Ritalin, as it is like flipping switch for him. He becomes a different, much more calm, manageable and pleasant person. He can even stop to think sometimes before he acts when medicated. Hopefully he isn't bipolar - no signs of depression yet. I do well to take my meds and brush my teeth, let alone take care of a billion details. It is really tempting to just disappear because I can't handle it. Perhaps I should pour on the benzos, but don't want to get addicted. Perhaps it would be better than pulling out my hair or bailing out. Relax??? Arghhh...
I am about 90% there. Like you, I've been through the trenches, and am still fishing out what normal is.
Ninety percent - that's encouraging. Go for the other ten percent. I'm behind you all the way.
Thanks for the thoughts. I do think your prayers must work or I wouldn't be alive to write this. One day at a time.
Best, (please forgive me for ranting)
Chris
P.S. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting a decent night's sleep?
poster:Chris A.
thread:39404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000630/msgs/39653.html