Posted by Rach on July 30, 2000, at 18:07:37
I am in such a state at the moment. I have determination to get better, and I have always been a stubborn thing, but then sometimes I just really cannot be bothered. I mean, why should I bother getting out of bed in the morning - what does it matter? I certainly do not have anything to offer at the moment - I am just a whinging, annoying, lazy person. Then I think about all the things that I have interests in, and when I am feeling a bit more positive, I am really determined to get better. Then I think, why bother?
It is such a struggle. At the moment I am obviously in a down state, because I just do not believe I have the strength to keep struggling on. I feel like an absolute idiot - how hard can it be to get up, go to uni, do a few hours of work, and then have oodles of free time in which to do nothing? I feel so pathetic - I whine and thrash about in my bed, making such a huge deal out of simple things like getting dressed. Why is it so hard? Why do I not have the strength to care that I am slipping down again? Why do I have to endure myself? Why have people here been ignoring my posts? Why do I have to get better? Why can't I just stay in bed for the rest of my life? It's cosy, I can use the computer, I'm comfortable and it's so easy. I just want to sleep. I don't want to die - I don't see the point in that. I just want to sleep, lie in bed and eat chocolate. Feeling so so sorry for myself, pathetic, and useless.
I hate this shit. Sorry if you have actually read this post.
poster:Rach
thread:41774
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000729/msgs/41774.html