Posted by quilter on August 16, 2000, at 0:46:44
I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow. I'm sure he will be unhappy with my weight, probably my diet, certainly with my lack of exercise. He will possibly try to add another med to the seven I already take. He may try to reduce my thyroid dose (the only thing that ever gets me close to a normal energy level).
I am worried he will tell me my heart is just fine and I'm wasting his time, or that there is something wrong and I'll need to make sweeping changes to stay alive.
I'm quite sure he will not understand why living longer is not a great desire of mine, and that a guilt free death sentence is something I have prayed for for many years.
I'm worried that he will expect me to control more parts of a life that already has overwhelming problems to juggle. I'm afraid he will underestimate how devastating depression has been in my life. I'm afraid that I will not be brave enough to talk to him, or smart enough to remember and understand what he says to me.It has taken me months to decide to go ahead with the consult. I finally decided to go because my pdoc said that the exhaustion might be due to a heart problem that could be improved. I sure do wish I was sure I wouldn't regret this. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.... Quilter
poster:quilter
thread:43034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/43034.html