Posted by Sulpicia on February 8, 2001, at 16:51:11
In reply to Re: Pstims and depression: to all » Sulpicia, posted by Katz on February 8, 2001, at 12:34:20
> >Sulpicia,
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> Do you still take the tofrinl? That stuff used to knock me out for days. How much adderall are you taking and can you be more specific in the ways in which it has helped you? What were your exact symtoms?
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I'm just restarting the tofranil, as I stop paxil. I took it for a year and it did something weird to my muscles so that I couldn't run -- which I adore. It does put me to sleep alright but daytime is fine. I take 40 mgs of adderall per day: 10mgs 4x.
The specific ways in which adderall has helped me: I read very slowly because I kept forgetting the earlier info; I thought this was a short-term memory problem but it turns out it was concentration. I can now read at a reasonable rate with good retention.
My strategy pre-dx was to take voluminous notes -- if you have enough time and motivation, you can learn anything. When you are preparing for graduate exams, generating several hundred pages of notes is unhelpful to say the least. I can now retain [i.e. concentrate well enough] the material long enough to note down the main points, analysis of the argument and a few examples. Before meds, there were times where I took 25 pages of notes on 25 pages of text. It was hard to break this habit but I succeeded and my efficiency is much improved.
Along with this came a tremendous boost of self-esteem. I can't tell you how many adults have gone thru school with undiagnosed ADD/HD using a variety of time-consuming and ego-stressing compensatory tricks. My writing is better organized, [although it was good b4],it flows more easily, I can cope with computational math where b4, anything with 3 or more steps usually defeated me. Many people with ADD/HD tend to have mood lability and I find myself much more even and tolerant. I am productive for longer periods of time and can get more done in a workday. I am certainly more cheerful and confident. [this is not euphoria]
As for exact symptoms, I tended to zone out -- not pay attention. I kind of liked the feeling, almost like a form of autohypnosis; I would start a zillion projects and never finish, I had trouble "reading" people's emotional responses [meds didn't change this -- unwittingly I became an expert at body language by way of compensation], I would interrupt people, constantly guzzled coffee, chewed gum. I have some difficulty with spatial orientation; although I never get lost, I cannot rotate objects thru space [you know the kind of test I mean]. Another quirky ADD/HD thing is clumsiness. Some of us are very clumsy and others are selectively clumsy. For example, I played collegiate volleyball for a nationally ranked university; yet if you put a bat or a tennis racquet in my hand, I'm certain to injure myself. I'm a very good dancer but I also routinely fall *up* the stairs. I have a very hypersensitive sense of smell [way serious here] and my hearing is acute to the point of discomfort from time to time. I'm sure I'm forgetting things. ADD/HD has two enormous and fabulous positives: 1] we tend to think outside the box, we are great problem solvers, and tend to do this in unique or unusual ways. 2] hyperfocus -- we have the ability to focus intensely and concentrate on something; unfortunately for most of us, it's not really under conscious control. It usually kicks in when we've procrastinated and have a looming deadline. People with ADD/HD can really pull a rabbit out of the hat when they have to. Also, people with ADD can do 3 or 4 things at once, accurately and with ease. Multitasking, I think it's called.> Did you suffer from any of the following: fatigue, lack of motivation, lack of self esteem, loss of libido, social phobia, dysthymia?
>I suffered from ALL of these except dysthymia -- what is it? If you stop to think about what it means to not have conscious control over your ability to concentrate, you're tired because you're busting your ass working overtime with compensatory strategies, you lack motivation because you dread the struggle of dealing with an informational processing problem, your self-esteem is shot because you perceive yourself to be "less than" because things come more easily to others in many cases, for me personally, my libido is directly proportional to my self-esteem, so yes. And of course many of these symptoms can be cross-listed with depression.
Social phobia: I've never read a definition of this so keep that in mind. I really dread walking into a room full of strangers. It's hard even if I have my family along. This is something I've worked on in therapy and for some reason, along with some of the insights I got, the adderall has made me dread these occasions less. I have even looked forward to something one or two times. I still do get a perceptible visceral tightening when I enter the room, or think about it, and I still flit in and out -- probably more than is polite. Sometimes I find enough conversation to make it a positive experience, other times I don't. I *believe* that I am anxious and less skilled at this form of social interaction than most others. Social anxiety is very common in ADD/HD; we don't "read" others well, can react inappropriately, or simply clam up in fear of confusion. Such problems tend to carry over into a series of failed or tumultuous personal and intimate relationships. I cannot say for certain if this is directly
linked to ADD/HD but given what I've experienced I wouldn't be surprised if it is. Some of these symptoms also overlap with those of depression.> There was something that I read on that website that really sticks out in my mind. A person with adult ADD said that when she walked into a room full of people and they were laughing, she would think that they were all laughing and talking about her. I can't tell you how strongly I can relate to that story. But I think that's just part of the Social phobia. I used to feel the same way when both my sisters-in-law would be huddled together at family gatherings. I would always feel ill-at-ease and paranoid that they were talking about me. I really came to hate these family dinners. It was a relief when one of my brothers got a divorce and I no longer had to deal with the two of them together.
It makes sense if you do not "read" people well and/or are suffering from low self-esteem.
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> You have raised some red flags and I'm wondering if it is possible that I could actually be suffering from undiagnosed ADD. I was a good student in college and never seemed to have concentration problems, however, I did have to take profuse notes. I would never have been able to retain any information simply by listening to a lecture. Writing things down seemed to help me to focus my attention better. Hmmm, interesting!
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Ditto on this last sentence. I did undergrad pre-dx and did it just the same way; lectures were useless; writing was my memorization technique, and the ridiculous amount of notes I took nearly drove me over the edge.
Diagnosis and tx with meds is not a magic cure-all; you'll still need guidance and support because, since you were/are successful in many of the traditionally affected areas, you'll have to learn some new techniques and get rid of some others. It's infinitely rewarding tho.My suggestion to you would be to read everything on the About.com site, especially the articles on the homepage. The posts are valuable too and can be searched. Also go to the CHADD site on the web and read there.
I must warn you tho that there are a huge variety of crackpots out there who hawk "natural" cures, herbs, biofeedback, you name it, for which there is not a shred of evidence to validate. Some even go so far as to deny the existance of the disorder entirely.
If you think you'd like to be evaluated, post back to me and I'll share some tips about finding the appropriate clinician.
Good luck to you. This disorder can be a pain in the ass but it's nearly always treatable and quality of life is greatly improved.
Best,
Liz [actually!]
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poster:Sulpicia
thread:53287
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010131/msgs/53541.html