Posted by KarenB on May 7, 2001, at 14:13:14
In reply to Question for KarenB, Sal, and others! -Bipolar?, posted by Cindylou on May 1, 2001, at 19:23:55
> Hello all
>
> Karen -- I wasn't sure how else to reach you... you responded to a couple of my posts, stating that I could be bipolar ...
>
> Now that I am completely off the Effexor, I am seeing more behaviors that support your theory -- I am either very agitated and anxious, or depressed and down, on the verge of tears. Rarely in the middle of these extremes. (But no "mania" like I've always heard described -- extreme highs, spending sprees, up all night, etc.)
>
> So, just looking for some advice from someone who seems to have been in my place beforeCindylou,
Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you - I haven't been on the board for a while. Someone ignored me and I got my feelings hurt. Waaah waaaah waaaaah...
About mania: My manias are not characterized by wild spending sprees (I choose to call them "mini sprees":). I have NEVER stayed up all night, until one night just recently when I had a bad reaction, adjusting to Lamictal. I simply get agitated, impatient, noise sensitive, completely irrational and angry. A migraine usually is part of the picture. I feel as if I am "amping out," and can't stand to be in my own body. I can shift from feeling great to crying within minutes, when I am rapid cycling. My depressions are deep, frightening and the suicidal thoughts just will not go away, though I don't believe in suicide.
It was not always this bad - I just turned 40 but I do remember times of deep depression as early as my teenage years. I self medicated then with alcohol and other drugs. I didn't recognize the manias for what they were then, because at that point they felt pretty good.
As my illness progressed, during my manic times, I was witty, smart (at least I thought so) and moving faster than everyone around me. I was top sales rep in my company and doing well. Then depression would strike and I would drive around aimlessly, not wanting to speak to my clients. I almost lost my job, only to make a comeback and set new company sales records. While I was on this roller coaster, I left in my wake a series of shortlived relationships and damage. It was a wild, dangerous ride.
All that to tell you, I am most assuredly Bipolar.
It has taken me years of misdiagnoses to get where I am today, which, for the most part, is STABLE. I finally went (through the help of a friend) to see an excellent mood disorder specialist who gave me a correct diagnosis. Then, I fired my old, pompous psych doc and replaced him with a doctor who is just wonderful. Sometimes it's what you have to do.
My current med mix is: Trileptal 600mg a.m., 1200mg p.m. (a mood stabilizer), Lamictal, 50mg a.m. and 50mg at around 2 p.m. (another mood stabilizer, with antidepressant activity), Geodon 40mg 3x a day (an new, atypical antipsychotic used in my case for ruminating thoughts)and a low dose of Xanax as needed (for any anxiety and breakthrough mania). The more stable I feel from these meds, the less I am needing the Xanax but I think the other three are keepers. One thing I do believe is that a bipolar patient will not do well until on the right mood stabilizers. Antidepressants alone may only amplify and speed up the cycling.
All I can say is, it feels good to be sane, rational, calm and able to handle what difficulties come along without FREAKING OUT. Suicidal thoughts no longer plague me. I don't have a broken record of bad thoughts playing in my mind, over and over again, on a daily basis. I am even fairly sure I will be OK next week, so I can make plans and not have to break them. I don't have migraines. Life is really good. Is this what normal feels like?
My advice is this: Find a great doctor. Not just an OK one or a good one...a GREAT one. Do everything you have to do to find this person. Then, stick with them, tell them everything they need to know and trust them. But, make sure they are the right one first.
BTW, I found Buspar to be utterly worthless. But, like they say...everybody's different.
Best wishes for your health.
Karen
poster:KarenB
thread:61292
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010507/msgs/61905.html