Posted by sar on July 7, 2001, at 3:53:39
In reply to Re: dumb as a rock star...Sar, posted by chiaratara on July 5, 2001, at 16:33:44
Hey Chiatara,
I'm dysthymic and depressed. When dysthymic (most of the time) I tend to oversleep, overeat, and become a doormat. My self-esteem becomes so low that I cannot defend myself and will believe anything anyone says about me, be it postive or negative.
during major depression I become completely somatic and nihilistic: I don't believe in anything but eating, drinking, fucking, sleeping. I vacillate between being a drunken bitch to being a sweet stiff-limbed (from overdrinking) depressive.
what is constantly with me is nervousness. i believe i've had social anxiety all my life, which contributed to depression and generalized anxiety--so I get all worked up and nervous and tired and depressed at the same time.
I go through periods of denial--when dysthymic, I try not to eat, to save money, work hard and impress people--but when the Major Depression hits I don't give a shit, and I'm running around blackout drunk cracking jokes and privately obsessing over suicide.
I hope this isn't too personal, it's just that I've grown accustomed to posting here, I really enjoy the anonymity and not feeling like I have to Pretend.
Prozac abd klonopin have lessend my depression/anxiety, but I've been known as "sweet" all my life, and that is my crux--am I a bitch, as people now accuse me of being, or am I just no longer the same old doormat?
This is all over the internet, so it is impossible for you to know.
Maybe the snappy aspect of SSRI's augments well my "sweet" nature (i.e., doormat). I've yet to decide.
i did take paxil for a week a year agi but the weight-gain prospect scared me, and i threw it awy.
I do feel much dumber and less attentive, but I feel that Prozac and Klonopin have helped me sharpen my comfort, humor, and true personality--which I'd been ignoring all along in the sake o not messing w/ my brain and being "real."
Well, I'll tell you, it feels a hell of a lot better to be drugged.
I'm going to ride these meds out for awhile but I appreciate yr respinse. I don't think I need to be "sedated" except emotionally. Energy-wise, I need to be "activated.
thanks, chiatara, and good luck to you.
sar
poster:sar
thread:68614
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010701/msgs/69248.html