Posted by adamie on July 22, 2001, at 18:35:09
In reply to Re: Close to telling my father to drop dead » adamie, posted by Mitch on July 22, 2001, at 17:07:18
> Adamie,
>
> It sounds like some of your emotions are starting to come back now that you are tapering your Paxil, but unfortunately they are not positive ones. SSri like Paxil are often used for anger-you could be having a withdrawal syndrome from the Paxil. You might be tapering it off a bit too fast. You still haven't started a new medication to replace it yet. Maybe you had better hold off on the withdrawal until you see your doc and get something new, ok?
>
> Please be careful,
> Mitchhi mitch. I have such feelings of telling off my father earlier though. Even when I wasn't on anti depressants. Sometimes I have been able to express anger and short temperedness. It seemed to have been the only emotion I could express strongly.
It's kind of strange. Like my sister would keep telling me to wash the dishes and one simple thought in my head of 'enough already' made me shout at her "I'll wash it later!". But recently I haven't been having too much anger. The paxil seemed to have had a numbing effect in general.
I feel more 'free' without the paxil now. And I have had very very very tiny urges to spend my time in a way other than reading about depression related issues. But these urges only last usually for an extremely short while. I still have no motivation to do anything. nothing enjoyable. I will just have to be patient.
and the paxil, I am done tapering it. yesterday I took maybe 3.5mg and that was it. no more paxil for me. these 6 days will be for the paxil to get out of my system. I look forward to trying the wellbutrin soon. and also along with ritalin or Adderall.
take care. thanks for replying.
> > it's akward how this depression makes me not care about consequences.
> >
> > My dad is a completely disgusting excuse for a human being. To him it doesn't matter that I have mental disorder. 50 dollars is too much for him to pay for medication. Him and his typical stupid views of how depression is not a real ilness.
> >
> > Of course many people who say they are depressed are just liars who think that being sad or something is the deffinition of being depressed. These people give us 'real' depressed people a bad reputation. Depression and sadness are two completely different things.
> >
> > But regardless. My dad is a complete horrible excuse for a human being. Everything from how he thinks women are bitc-es. To how arrogant, stupid, and egoistic he is. An abusive alcholic with an enormous temper. He's greedy, selfish. I told him how I was recently in the hospital and how I was feeling significantly worse before. He didn't care.
> >
> > I was so close to calling him and telling him off. I think I will soon. he makes me so mad. And I really dont care anymore about the consequences. In my current state it is life my life is already over. I can only hope to recover. It is so hard to see me making a full recovery. But maybe I will. I'll see. Regardless I don't need that digusting female hating excuse for a human being in my life. I was really just using him for the money up until recently. I have stopped caring for him a few months ago. I was suicidally depressed back then and all he could care about if how I am an embarrasment to him.
> >
> > Since I am thin, not into sports, and feminant. he hates that. And just because I'm not what he wants me to be he is so caught up in his stupid feelings. I am suffering from a grave decease and he has the nerve to always think of himself. Completely disgusting. And he told me how I lack emotions. Another idiotic thing to say. Of course I do, of course I used to talk in monotone. I was extremely severely depressed. Depression did that to me. That dirty idiot. No matter how I try to explain it to him he just doesn't listen.
> >
> > I think I will call him later and tell him to drop dead and other cruel things yet completely deserving to him. oh well. just passing the time. hopefully i will feel better and soon. and money for medication i will get myself.
poster:adamie
thread:71085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010720/msgs/71415.html