Posted by Lorraine on August 17, 2001, at 23:56:27
In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. » Lorraine, posted by shelliR on August 17, 2001, at 20:51:23
Shelli:
I do feel for you on this Parnate trial stuff. I figured out once that if I just kept trying drugs sequentially for the full trial period, I might well be dead without anything working. So I've become pretty insistent that some positive effects occur quickly. Anyway, when I read all of your posts in one sitting last night, it looked like it wasn't clear to you what was causing the problem (are we ever?) Sounded like maybe it was having two periods so closely spaced together and PMS in between? At one point I thought you said you felt the depression had lifted and if it weren't for the PMS stuff.... Well, it's very difficult to sort this stuff out with my own body, but at some point you made a determination that the Parnate wasn't doing it for you. Good luck getting in early. It must be terrible to be between meds. Course for me now, I suspect that I'll just pick up on the old Adderal and Neurontin combo if I need to quit Parnate. That combo really did tide me over.
> > > I'm glad you liked it. I cried and cried the first night her kids had integrated.I thought of your comment about not wanting integration when I read that.
> > >so I don't mean it lightly when I say I don't have DID, although other patients in the hospital often just think I'm in denial as did my last therapist.
Wouldn't you expect have strangers recognize you if you had DID or at least memory gaps? I don't know, my hunch is that you know yourself better than they do.
> > > okay, will send.Great! I look forward to seeing your work.
> >
> > [re therapist attachment]but that thing that kids do "look at me"; Mommy listen to me.
> > After reading the book, it seemed that she was just desperate to have someone she could trust listen to her story--the need to tell the story and have it validated was I'm sure an over-powering compulsion. Is this closer to the mark?
>
> that's still not the hole I'm referring to, but it's okay; we can give up on this one--it's not so important to me that you understand exactly.A little frustrating b/c I have the sense that if we were actually talking about this face-to-face, we would have made the connection. sigh....
> No, it was two therapists ago. Do you have an urge to write more? Where is your poem published, that's hard feat.Sometimes I do have the urge. The problem is that I would like to write a longer work and my moods haven't stabilized to the point where I want to make the commitment to the process. For instance, I have an outline of a book--it was outlined last January, but I haven't been able to do any work on it at all. The poem was published in "On the Bus", which is edited by my teacher Jack Grapes so getting it published wasn't that hard. I had some more poems in progress. You've inspired me to turn back to them:-)
> > >My therapist was upset that I gave up on parnate and I have probably more disappointment waiting when my pdoc comes back on Monday.
I'm so sorry. Just what you need right, a little criticism when your down. I suppose I feel entitled to have my therapist be my friend when I am in need--the one person in my life who is paid to be on my side when the chips are down.
> > > I had a horrible session on Thurday with therapist and I've cancelled Monday with her so I could leave open all day in case the pdoc can see me. But honestly at this point, therapy just makes me feel worse because I can't work on issues when I feel so depressed and so scared.
Have you ever asked her directly to be supportive at these times? To say, "I know we have a lot of issues to work on but right now, I just need your support to get through this period?"
> > >It's mainly letting people down on the job front.
Think of it as a bout with the stomach flu?
> > >I'm sure I was very frustrating because she wanted to work on ways of self-soothing when I feel that bad, and I just wanted to go home and back to bed.
Sometimes we are too sick to work on issues--even self-soothing.
> > >I'd had therapists that if I felt horrible I could just lie down there and feel safe for that time, but it wasn't going in that direction last Thursday. And I guess she's just doing her job of helping me be able to handle things by myself.
When things were really rough for me, I had my therapist do some guided imagery with healing messages. I could lay on the floor and feel taken care of and she could feel useful.
> I don't know if I did the right thing with stopping parnate,We never Know, we just trust our instincts.
>
> I think it's time for me to switch from oxycontin to buprenorphine. Because 10mg of oxy is not enough now and 20 is too much and there is nothing inbetween.No pill splitting allowed? Even if they are capsules, you can split them by getting empty capsules at the health food store and measuring it out. I assume you have non-splittable tablets?
> >
> > Just back today from North Carolina.
> I was thinking you had been away for a vacation.I'm in and out of town until the kids are back in school--a couple of weeks from now. Vacations are an effort for me though, I must admit.
> > > I was supposed to drive to my sister's today and my parents tonight, but I felt too awful. I'll try again tomorrow to just do one night with my parents. They're only 3 hours away, but I was too depressed, and then too drugged to drive.All you can do is do what you can with the resources you have at the time. It will be sufficient. It has to be.
Lorraine
PS Today Parnate was good to me.
poster:Lorraine
thread:67742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010814/msgs/75470.html