Posted by Janelle on September 24, 2001, at 0:46:21
In reply to Re: I can ''feel'' again-yikes-not sure I like this!, posted by sar on September 24, 2001, at 0:29:44
Hi,
Well, you gave me something to ponder and I must admit that before, my emotions were *all over the place*, however, due to waaaaay too high anxiety, which meds have helped.
I don't know if I could also call myself an "emotional hemophiliac," but I do cry easily, I can get "twisted over all sorts of things" ... and most of the meds I've taken (e.g., Celexa, EffexorXR, Klonopin) have quelled the intensity of emotion. HOWEVER, I'm now realizing that it was to *too much* of a point - I was really *not* quelled into feeling like a somwhat normal person (emotionally, at least), I was NUMBED, no doubt about that now. I've got 20-20 hindsight and am in a place of comparison now, and I can see and FEEL the difference. Also, I was on other meds (like Paxil and Klonopin) and did experience the gamut of emotions. In fact, as I'd mentioned in the original thread, years on Paxil culminated in hypomania, followed by poop-out for depression.
I see your point about how it can be good to be numbed for a bit in the face of a desperate situation, I think it *helped* you that the Effexor numbed you a bit after you became broke, homeless, possession-less, boyfriendless. That is a helluva lot to go through. I'm broke and seem to have lost the love of my life, but not the other things you've been through.
I understand and support your still feeling that you need to be heavily medicated for awhile, maybe forever. I myself am now on a cocktail which includes Lamictal as a mood stabilizer, it seems to be *saving* me from the swings and if so far, so good continues I may just accept being on it indefinitely.
I also agree that holding on to what you so aptly described as "the rudimentary emotions" is indeed VERY important. You also put it eloquently when you wrote "tears clog, and then they hurt more."
And YES, it sure does feel so good to genuinely laugh ... and cry ... yes, crying for a *real life reason* feels good and is cleansing ...
Just out of curiosity, what made you go off Effexor? For me it was too activating - the higher I titrated, the more agitated, restless, rubbery legged, lightheaded and caffeinated I felt; even at 75mg/day for awhile it increased rather than decreased my anxiety. I'm very glad and relieved to be OFF that one.
-Janelle
poster:Janelle
thread:79417
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010917/msgs/79427.html