Posted by Lorraine on September 24, 2001, at 10:36:33
In reply to Re: hanging in there » Lorraine, posted by shelliR on September 24, 2001, at 0:12:09
Hi Shelli:
>
> > Shelli, i have a million folders.
> Are they all organized in alphabetical order or by color? Just curious!No, it's just a ton of folders unorganized sitting here and there throughout the house. Lots of stacks of papers waiting for folders. My husband is the one with the suits arranged by day of the week to be worn. I'm the one hunting through a closet filled with clothes to find that one thing that I just bought yesterday--it should be in here somewhere...
> > For how long did you retry it? No results or partial response?
>
> I went off it for only a short time around this time last year (did a fairly long trial of serzone) and totally crashed and wanted to go back on nardil. But I must not have gotten more than a very partial response, because we keep trying adjunct after adjunct.Your pdoc might be able to make your partial response work. I read his article. It sounds so simple and full of hope. Do they really believe what they write or is it just the need to have a strong thesis without words like "I believe" thrown in to muddy it up.
> > >The thing is that this time I am willing to go higher on nardil this time as long as my pdoc will give me something to knock me out at night. He says he will.
The Ambien is working well for me now.
> > >And it will be in combination with wellbutrin which will help with the tiredness, if the depression lifts. And the oxy might stay if the AD stops me from having to keep going up.
Your oxy seems pretty ambitious about assuming a larger part of your life.
weight gain. She's had several patients who developed TD and she has this cavilier attitude about it (it *only* took four months for it to go away). Well, I couldn't stay in my profession for four months with a twiching face, so we had some words about that.>
> > > Have you tried the other MAOs? You had a positive response to one. My pdoc says until you have tried all of the MAOs you haven't tried MAOs--meaning that they are all different.
>
> Well. remember I tried parnate just after you. So there's really just one non-reversible MAOI that I haven't tried.Which one are you thinking of? Marplan? I hadn't compiled a serious list. Somehow I thought there was more on the list than just one or two more.
> > >What about a sleeping aid at night if the oxy is too activating?
>
> I can't really add more than I am taking now unless I add a new one. (not more valium and not more aterex). And I didn't tell him about the "experiment". I tried it last evening and I did wake up less depressed, but I did not get a good night's sleep.> > > I did find that Neurontin was mood supportive at a certain dose (900 mg), but that hasn't really held.
>
> Yes, I didn't know that until I read your post to Eliz. Are you continuing on the neurontin as you build up the nardil?The Nardil is activating and sedating?? I find myself reluctant to take the neurontin during the day because of the effect on my energy level, but I am going to do it today. I could add Adderal (very slowly and very carefully) to counteract the energy thing.
> > >[re: fixing stuff and being pushy] Anyway, you set yourself up by saying, "I'm not trying to..........", so it is amusing to me to say, "Of course you are." Like I'm not talking about any serious flaw. :-)
Actually, when I say "I'm not trying to", I am trying to be honest with myself about my intentions--trying to yank myself back from the edge of the curb so to speak. It's not language intended to manipulate you or myself, it's intent is to uncover and so I leave myself open intentionally for you to make your move. I'm not so sure it isn't a serious flaw actually. Certainly, it's one that I have revisited over the years, thought I'd addressed and then been ambushed by again. There's a reason why I do it and I think it is because it feels more comfortable, more powerful to give advice than to sit with someone else's feelings and just acknowledge them.
> > >From time to time something good will happen that temporarily cheers the paient up to the point where she actually experiences pleasure."
> > Shelli--that happens with me and it confuses me b/c i think i'm coming out of my depression, but i am not.
>
> because when you experience pleasure, sometimes it is pure pleasure, not at all hazy?It's not hazy; it feels like I'm coming home, but it usually doesn't last a whole day.
> > > I don't understand that. Because you can experience pleasure sometimes, that is a roller coaster? I think of a roller coaster as Bipolar II, which I realize you think you may have, but I don't get the imagine of a roller coaster when you describe your days.
> Unless it is not a very steep roller coaster?It's pretty steep (hope and despair).
> > >Well maybe you are having good days and bad days in your depression and when the AD really works you will feel different from both your good days and bad days. Certainly you will not always be questioning.Right. When an AD works I won't have those down times. My mood chart shows that I have them more often than not. Maybe a 5 to 1 ratio.
> >
> When the AD worked for me the first time (in my twenties) it was an "oh my god, this is what life can feel like" But I did have lots of downs throughout those years, just no long horrible downs.Yeah. We don't become immune to life's ups and downs we just have a floor to fall on.
> > >So I would probably become a drug addict and have a good time, before I decided to kill myself. I'm serious. And then I guess I would try ECT.
Shelli, have you seriously tried drugs? The life of an addict is not attractive or pleasant. Reality peeks in.
> > > I really have the feeling that nardil may be right for you. Remember it took 5 weeks for me at 45mg. I know you react quicker, but still, you have just gone up to 30mg. I know it is hard to hold hope, but I think given the lack of side effects, you do have reason to be optimistic.
Well, it's your experience that keeps me hanging with it because I do not feel any antidepressant effect.
> > > I even think that maybe you could have worked with parnate, if you had been willling to add benzos, if I am recalling right.
Sure if I could have dealt with the irritation. People in my life draw the line somewhere though:-)
(I might not be; I have a hard time remembering my own reactions, let alone yours) :-)
And I have a hard time remembering mine so you are unlikely to offend just confuse me.
Lorraine
poster:Lorraine
thread:67742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010917/msgs/79446.html