Posted by JDavid on January 28, 2002, at 12:52:55
Hi,
I realized i have slowly became a kind of Zombie.
I've tried all sort of AD, Tca, SSRI and neuroleptics, but the only effect i've obtained is to loose all needs, all desires, all wills to live and to be "myself".
I've recently on paroxetine, the last of a long series of ad i was on, and, i must admit, my depression seems to be reduced. But I lay all day in bed watching the ceiling and my mind was only on simply thoughts like eating, sleeping, standing up and lying down.
This was not acceptable life! (for me).
So i preferred to keep my depression, my desperation my anxiety but feeling to be "myself".
So I did. I went off all meds.
Slowly things and thoughts got a little better; slowly i felt to return in me, to fell me again.
Now i'm depressed, sometimes i cry. Sometimes i would not to live yet. But now, sometimes, i feel the strength, that rise from my legs to my head and gives me and inexplicable desire of living.
My mood is under my shoes, but sometimes i laugh, and i speak, and i express all my feelings.
I don't wanna be anaesthetized anymore.
I wanna fell all signals my mind send to me, good or bad they are: I wanna feel me, good or bad i am!
I still lay down on my bed, but sometimes, suddenly, i fell a vortex of energy that cover me and push me up.
So i will go on this athipic brave antidepressant therapy that is to be on noone AD anymore, till my forces could make me live in this way.
But absolutely living my life!
Best luck to all of you, and may the force be with you!
poster:JDavid
thread:91884
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020124/msgs/91884.html