Posted by Mr. Scott on January 29, 2002, at 20:25:02
Can people tell me what it's like to have bipolar II disorder with or without rapid cycling or mixed states?I've read the text book descriptions but what actually happens during a true blue hypomania or mixed state. How does one feel and act? What is going on inside the mind and how does it become clear that a mood stabilizer is necessary?
The reason I ask, is because as a child I was hyperactive by all accounts (a True Deviant bordering on sociopath). When I first felt depressed at 16 I used tricyclics which made me so anxious and crazed that I convinced myself I was Gay (which is fine but I'm straight!) I however forced myself to take them, and as I raised the dose of Sinequan and added Xanax, I got better and made a transition in to a non-deviant non-sociopath citizen, convincing myself all the while things would get better. However, I developed a drug problem in highschool, that carried over and intensified in College. In my last semester or thereabouts my drug use escalated (cocaine, heroin)and I dropped out. I actually had to declare bankruptcy because of the money I had spent on drugs and subsequent hospitalizations. At one point "I was chasing imaginary people around outside my house in my underwear from doing so much cocaine!" The police got involved... And finally, After this all went down and I was finally getting clean and straightening out (Still occasionally binge on booze 6-7 drinks couple times a month) I was given the combo of Prozac and Wellbutrin which I firmly believe caused a Severe agitation that drove me to attempt suicide. My mood was changing hourly until I became so agitated I just started thinking evil thoughts and then I decided this would never end and I should die.
Well that was almost 6 years ago, and since then I have never really been totally free of depression or anxiety. Although I did return to school to graduate and have become fairly successful and independent despite my shitty mood.
I have been off the illicit drugs for nearly 6 years, but in my life I have pretty much never been able to tolerate an AD without a benzo. And obviously it hasn't worked as well as I'd hoped it would or I wouldn't be lamenting on this now.
Sorry for rambling, and back to my original question about describing bipolar stuff. As the diagnosis has become more inclusive I am trying to do some research on what it actually is and what experience people actually have with it outside of textbook descriptions.
The BP II and mixed stuff is most interesting to me.Your feedback is appreciated.
poster:Mr. Scott
thread:92098
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020124/msgs/92098.html