Posted by ethan on January 30, 2002, at 4:56:11
In reply to Do pills go through stool?, posted by ethan on January 28, 2002, at 23:38:10
I apologize for the grossness of my question. But this began making me really anxious, and by the time nighttime rolled around I was getting desperate in my head that something was really WRONG with me (and not just physically, but also in my head). It felt belittling to read the one guy's post that my question was gross; I'm sure it was just a kneejerk reaction on his part made simply becausehe can hit submit without thinking twice (maybe he did think twice, that's not my problem)...and since he followed up to reframe his comment, I can further see why he'd make it. Yes it's gross. I'm sorry. But depression is gross, too. Feeling like it's not worth getting out of bed, not worth bathing, not worth cleaning around you. That you're not worthy of holding a job, any job. These things are gross to ME, but I suffer with them, and have been on medication to help cope with these (as an active part of addressing my depression). I suppose if I didn't look behind me before I flushed I would be living in Bliss, but maybe that's not a healthy place to be. I appreciate the helpful comments you folks have given. I don't want to overreact about the gastro problem and this whole pill thing because I have an HMO and already they think I'm nuts when I come in about anything anymore because I've been in so often about some malady or concern...they don't say so to my face but I can tell. It makes me not want to call the doctor, but reach out to someone impartial (which I was surprised I was able to when I found this bulletin board). I'm glad this place exists, because it was a place to get information, at least impartial information from other people suffering with depression, perhaps even dealing with stomach upset or gastro problems from some medication or other. It's invaluable to me to find out what others have experienced especially with the medications I have been prescribed. I feel often that it's not worth fighting the battle (if that makes any sense)...when my body starts selling me short (as with diarrhea, for example, or migraines, or because I seem to get every cold virus that comes along) it's even more difficult to imagine the rottenness that I live in In My Head will ever pass. I sure wish I didn't have to take medications. I feel like every day I wake up I live my life around a timeclock of this pill or that at this hour or that, and therefore constantly reminded that I am not well -- not even reminded so much as I must be constantly mindful of my illness, so that I don't MISS a dose of medication (something I don't think doctors understand takes an irrevocable toll on patients). Turning thoughts that refer to the situation as medicating an illness into "correcting an imbalance" is like asking for Unemployment percentages to magically be turned to zero. I guess I am having a hard time coping with the fact that my HMO is set up only to deal with people who are physically Well and not ill in a way that is more complex than one specialist can deal with in a quick, fifteen minute visit. I feel sometimes that my ability to Get Well is determined not by my own means or motivations but by the constraints and limitations of my healthcare (and I don't believe this is a totally irrational thought, either). Let's face it, I don't want to take these lousy Wellbutrin pills and my medication copayments have just gone up 400% since January first (a good reason to get OFF medication, huh!). I don't know how much longer I can afford to entertain the notion that I can continue to subsidize Wellbutrin, and that means how much longer can I entertain the notion that the medication will elicit some solution (especially if it is playing any role in my gastrointestinal situation, however peripheral). You see, one card of the fragile house turns out to be a Joker, like a pill that won't digest, and the whole house in my head can cave in. Today I've had the same problem with gastro and pill. Whatever is upsetting my system, well, that I can't figure out yet since my diet is varied. Another day of this and I will probably call my internist and schedule an appointment, but I'm sure all he'll do is prescribe Immodium AD which I'm already taking and send me home, reluctant to refer me to a gastroenterologist or similar specialilst (and even if he does it will be four weeks before I can see one). And so the pattern of anxiety continues (both in reality and in my head). Hard to turn some of that off when you don't feel well. Again, thanks to those for the considerate comments. I'm sorry this is gross.
poster:ethan
thread:91975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020124/msgs/92154.html