Posted by trouble on March 9, 2002, at 5:11:20
In reply to Nothing is working!, posted by LiLi80 on March 9, 2002, at 2:42:58
Hey Lilli,
Your depression will end. I know that sounds like bullshit, but consider the source. People here have been where you are, I'm only one of many, and
we can all guarantee you your depression is treatable. Some things you have to take on faith, this is one of them.The hate and anger and rage you express are real. No one can talk you out of these feelings, they're yours, you've paid for them, you don't have to justify them to anyone. They're scaring you right now, but you are a whole person and these are just feelings, there's more to you than there is to them, but they want you to know that they count too. Even this feeling about killing yourself is a small scared need inside that just wants your attention. You give it some love, child and it won't force your hand.
There is so much going on w/ you that it pains me to see any extraneous crap piled on right now when your resources are stretched to the limit. I don't know who it is that keeps trivializing your depression, but please try to let them go, put all their nastiness in a big red balloon and watch it fly away. Your existence is doing this person a favor Lilli, you are ahead of them on the path, you are teaching them something about their own fragile human nature that they're not ready to face. So let's be generous, and let them go, forgive them for their ignorant attitude, and wish them well. If you find this appalling then I'll do it, if you'll let me, I'm doing it right now, believe me sweetheart, this is one burden I can handle, kicking against the pricks, it's not the time for you to do that, imagine a bird w/ a broken wing trying to ward off a typhoon, that's you right now, but given the right care and protection fractured wings grow strong again. That's just nature taking its course. You are a product of nature. Nothing going on w/you is beyond the realm of human nature. Others have experienced what you're experienceing, and have come out the other side to tell about it. You know in your gut who these people are, they shelter you, you feel safe and sheltered by them. If you decide to let them in, that's hard too.
I'm happy you decided to go w/ the DBT therapy. That was a complex predicament, you were on a deadline too. And depressed and pulled apart as you were, you took decisive action. It's hard to make decisions when a person's depressed, but you did, and what a decision, Lilli, you said yes, not no, but yes to the part of you that wants to heal. She's in there, and I predict that DBT is going to give her a hell of a lot more breathing room than she's had lately.
I'm sending this out now, I am seeing you safe and sheltered, and sitting w/ your feelings.
love, trouble
poster:trouble
thread:97164
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020307/msgs/97172.html