Posted by Shanti on March 14, 2002, at 23:22:24
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 22:27:45
> Hi! I'm here and I'm ok, well sorta. I'm sorry I worried anybody. I've been through 3 med changes in the last 2 weeks. I was on Effexor XR 150mg 2 weeks ago and wasn't feeling any better about my depression at all. I was extremely suicidal then and just wanted to give up. Nothing was working for me. I told my dr to either try something else or drastically increase the dosage, no more increases of just 37.5mg at a time, that was not doing anything for me and I couldn't go on feeling that way anymore. So, he increased it from 150mg to 225mg. Immediately on the first day I FINALLY felt my mood drastically change for the better. It's not like I was happy, I'm not even sure I even know what that is anymore, I don't know that I have ever been happy my entire life but at least I was seeing there actually was a light at the end of the tunnel. But with the relief from my depression came severe muscle twitches/jerks so unbearable that I made another appt with my dr and he decreased me back to 150mg to try and get rid of the twitches. That worked but I went back into deep depression. After 3 days of that and fighting to stay alive I went back to the dr and he increased it by 37.5mg hoping that a slower increase would hinder the twitches from returning, which it did but still no relief from the depression. So, back to the dr again a few days ago and now I'm back up to 225mg as of today. No twitches yet but still no change in my depression either. :( I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with people. I come away from every conversation with feeling very hurt or full of anger. I've had major fights with friends, family and management at work. My job is hanging on by a thread and they are now only paying me for hours worked instead of full pay because I've missed so many days due to the depression. I can't pay my bills anymore, hench my desperation post. I saw no resolution to my problem. I had no interest in calling a crisis hotline. I didn't want anybody to talk me out of it, I just wanted to die. There was nothing anybody could say to me to fix my problem short of handing me over money to pay my bills. I am living alone so it's a single income and I have nobody to help me. But as you can see I didn't do it. Some of my friends got concerned and called the police who searched for me. They called every hospital in my city and searched my apartment but I wasn't at home. I'm just not coping with life at all anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm desperatly waiting for the Effexor to kick in again. I'm not in therapy yet, it starts next Friday. I've had major problems finding anybody to take me on because I have multiple traumas and too many problems. Nobody has felt qualified to deal with me. Makes me feel real good. NOT!!!! I've been told I'm untreatable. Can you imagine a psychatrist telling a suicidal person they are untreatable????? :( Anyway, like I said I'm still here at least physically, hanging on by a bare thread and very anxious for the Effexor to work again and to start my therapy next week. I'm just so tired of all of this. Sorry to leave y'all hanging so long. I've been struggling just to stay alive the last few days.
>
> Angel Girlhi angel girl,
great to see your note, lots of people have been thinkig about you.
can i ask you a few questions? what does your name mean? mine means peace and i have it on my license plate to remind me always to think of peace constantly and it is the hardest when my depression sets in but i keep coming back and so will you!
what type of weather are you in right now? remember that if your city is experiencing cold or damp rain that will play a part in how you feel and if that is the case, remember spring is almost here - where i live we had a very mild winter and now it is really getting warm 57 degrees today - for me this helped during winter because i had a baby in october, we took possesion of our home we bought and moved in that weekend - during my pregnancy i opted to stop my paxil but after my daughter was born i experienced post partum with my depression so i gave up breast feeding and went back on my pills/ go figure - i thought moving into my first home would prevent me from depression/post partum / ha ha!! paxil didn't seem to work any more so now i am on this drug - i go through the twitches/jerks too / that is also a fear of life. Try saying this when you experience it - " I am approved by all of life. All is well, I am safe."
You talk about being single, i was a single mom when i experienced the worst of my depression. that is when i finally sought help. Ask for help through different agencies - ie. church for food donations or a food bank, etc. for me it was going on mother's allowance (welfare) while working at low paying jobs trying to support myself and my son. I learned then that swallowing my pride and seeking/accepting help is also a way to help your depression.
good luck to you, i hope to hear from you,
remember - it starts with you - like yourself even though all you can see right now are your faults, ugliness, etc. you found the light and are still here right - keep looking and you will find yourself - i know you can do it!!
peace,
shanti
poster:Shanti
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020313/msgs/98070.html