Posted by colin wallace on March 25, 2002, at 16:02:12
In reply to Re: OSchl- Social Phobia a real,debilitating illness!!, posted by OldSchool on March 25, 2002, at 14:00:44
Military service is often touted as some sort of social panacea here in the UK.We had compulsory military service in the 50's, and many hark back with nostalgia to the hardier, discipled self-sufficiency and supposed sense of rectitude that exposure to service life instilled.This generation, though not a patch on the wartime generation, still knew right from wrong,never balked at the thought of a hard days work, and were altogether a better adjusted,grittier bunch than their modern counterparts( who seem amply contented with mugging old ladies, taking drugs, or aimlessly kicking tin cans along high streets.)The Spartan ethic.Am I knocking it?
Not necessarily; I look at my father's generation and indeed see some admirable qualities, perhaps even instilled by a measure of austerity (and a compulsory two year stint in the military).
At little over 18 years of age , I submitted myself to one of the most phyically demanding military training programmes in the world.Certainly the most demanding in the UK.I aspired to what I now call the Spartan ethic.I wanted to brutalise and subjugate all my perceived character inadequacies, my(then) inherant shyness, timidity even.
Well, pushing oneself beyond the limits of endurance (in whatever devlishly ingenious form that may take)is of course an effective way to confront and conquer those inner demons.Let's be banal and use the phrase, 'character building'.
Yes, it works.But character is a kaleidescopic entity, and I have to say that the camaraderie/esprit de corps fostered by service life, does not in any way shape or form transmogrify an individual into a well rounded socialite;those subtle military skills,forever embedded into the psyche, never fail to bring women flocking in droves to be regaled with tales of how I could once drink a gallon of beer whilst simultaneously standing on my head, urinating for three metres and still burn a small patch in the ceiling as I lit my own farts.So I could run up a mountain in the rain and hop out of a plane. So what?
Yes, military life builds a toughness and resilience that will hold you in good stead in dire times.But as a cure for social phobia?
There 's a lot more to self development than mere machismo.Hoisting weights up in the air(or any exercise for that matter)will undoubtedly raise one's self esteem.But many in the military become (at least partly) institutionalized and have great difficulty becoming socially adjusted when they rejoin 'normal' society.Over 50% of homeless people sleeping on the streets of Britain are ex-forces.Of course, this is only one side of the story.Many go on to become great successes, and I have a nostalgic bias towards forces life, and some ex-forces (well adjusted)
friends.
But Mr. three Beers is infinitely more rounded and complete a character than I was in my early twenties.In retrospect, I suffered very similar problems, dealt with them in similar disastrous fashion, and failed to overcome them early enough to perhaps avert much real suffering and a consequent breakdown in my 30's.
So lift weights and build your confidence by all means- but at university, you're in the perfect setting to properly develop those social skills,learn from any social ineptness, make mistakes and gaffes with women, and hopefully not take them too seriously! Trying to become JohnWayne isn't the answer.Your sensibilities are (as Mr. Old School rightly said) a unique part of your character.But you don't need to throttle them.When shyness and fear govern your social life to the extent that you cannot function and become depressed and completely derailed, seeking psychiatric help is, IMHO, far braver and more constructive than running up a hill in the rain, or lighting your own farts.
Ask any woman......Col.
poster:colin wallace
thread:100046
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020322/msgs/100077.html