Posted by Leighwit on May 8, 2002, at 10:44:54
In reply to Well....., posted by Uppendown on May 7, 2002, at 21:02:53
Thanks for writing about your experience, Uppendown.
I'm not bi-polar and have limited knowledge of it (other than what I've read here on Psychobabble), but that doesn't reduce my "awe" at what you've experienced.
I'm extremely cautious about severe lows because my brother committed suicide (he was schizophrenic). I have never had any signs or symptoms whatsoever of schizophrenia, but have suffered from major depression for over ten years.
I wish you the best and for your continued wellness!
LW
> Hi Leighwit,
>
> Well... I guess I'm a bit hestitant to say this... but after reading your post.. I feel I should...
>
> I quit all meds a couple of months ago. I had been on them for over 2 years... ( not the 3 plus you're looking for... so... qualify as you wish..).. I'm a type 1 manic depressive. Hallucinate constantly.. suicidal depressions on an almost daily basis.. deemed pretty serious by the 4 different docs I dealt with. No BS.
>
> I "spun out" a couple months ago... for a variety of reasons, I decided I didn't want to live like that anymore.. and I made my plans to do "the deed".. Drove off to find a remote place where I wouldn't be found.. and "saved"... Once there.. and walking off into the seaside forests.. something changed in me..
>
> Without getting too... whatever.. I returned home after many hours.. and decided I would live as "me".. or die trying.. and quit all meds, cold turkey, that day. Not such a swift idea.. withdrawl is NOT fun. But within a couple days.. I felt a clearity.. a "clean-ness".. a "sharpness" that I hadn't felt in so long. My "energy" came back.. motivation.. drive... enthusiasm... engagement in my life. I was living with a long time professional mental health person.. who had their concerns and reservations.. but.. they knew the alternative I had.. and watched. They have been SO impressed.
>
> One of the first things I realized was the extent to which the meds had altered my perceptions. Honestly, I had no idea... while on them, I just couldn't see/know that I was THAT affected... I'm SO different now. Back in "life" again. Hard to explain... but VERY real.
>
> No one can tell you what to do. I don't consider myself "anti med"... I think people should think about what they expect from the meds they take.. if they are fullfilling "the promise of a better life" for them, personally. And that is hard to do, while on them.. by the very fact that they affect the way we perceive and interact with the world around us.
>
> I didn't throw my meds away.. I still have them. I don't pretend to know "the answer"... but I've taught myself how to live with my episodes. ( I'm a daily cycler..).. how to recognize what happens, and not give the "stuff" any more "energy" than it deserves.. Yes.. they are all part of me.. and I learn from my "experiences" everyday... but I work hard not to let them control or define my life.. I can honestly say my life is, with out any reservations, better without meds, than it was with them...
>
> I also did alot of intensive psychotherapy... I think I need to add that.. That REALLY helped me put alot of things into perspective.. so I can seperate "stuff", from "me"... and not look for "answers" or "solutions" where they can't exist...
>
> I hope this helps in some way...
>
> Best Wishes,
>
> Uppendown
poster:Leighwit
thread:105441
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020503/msgs/105586.html